HAPPY BATMAN DAY, EVERYONE! Today in stores Barnes & Noble is celebrating the man, the bat, the legend. It’s his 75th anniversary, and he doesn’t look a day over 35. As a lifelong devotee of both Batman (please see this letter to the editor I penned at the age of 9) and books, imagine my delight at waking up to discover that today is all about the Bat—long may he reign. The fusion of Batman and books makes perfect sense. That’s because, although you might not know it, Batman is actually a massive book nerd. Seriously, you’ll have to pry his complete Chronicles of Narnia boxed set from his cold dead hands…is what he once said to someone who tried to borrow it. Here are 10 reasons Batman is the perfect book nerd:
1. The Batcave Is the ideal Reader’s Retreat
Think about it! Sure, it’s replete with cameras and crime-fighting equipment, but it’s also the perfect place to scuttle off to in order to finish that last chapter. Plus, you just know that Alfred makes the best chocolate chip cookies. “Milk, Master Wayne?” THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS YES.
2. The Batmobile Allows For More Time Turning Pages
Oh sure, on the surface Bruce’s reasons for designing such a smart car might seem to be all about speed, ease, and intelligence in hunting down the bad guys. But the truth of the matter is that a fully automated and intelligent ride gives him ample time to kick his bat-heels up and enjoy a few pages during his commute.
3. Bruce Wayne Will Gladly Throw Galas, But He’d Rather Be Alone
Wayne may be known as the consummate party boy, but let’s be real: the reason he throws all those parties and hangs out with all those broads isn’t just keeping his secret identity secured. It’s about keeping people from finding out his other big secret: Dude really just wants to take a bubble bath and reread The Client.
4. You Know That Utility Belt Has a Bookmark
Mostly we just see Batman reaching for his grappling hook, but in a pinch there’s the Batbookmark, easy to access on his belt so that he can save the day without losing his place.
5. He Fights Crime
What does Batman spend 80% of his time doing? Fighting crime. He spends another 10% brooding, and the final 10% reading, of course. You might think you know why Batman fights crime (See: Murdered Parents), but the truth is more complex. As a young boy, not long after the death of his parents, young Bruce was reading The Hardy Boys in a café. He got up to use the bathroom, and when he came back…his book was gone. “I was READING THAT!” he bellowed, before sweeping out of the establishment, vowing to make it so that no young man had his reading material pilfered by a villain ever again.
6. He Hates The Joker
It is common knowledge that the Joker cannot read. Batman fights illiteracy.
7. Gotham City Is Known For Its Bookstores
While also famous for being home to countless supervillains and for having exceptional public transportation, Gotham also hosts countless bookstores. The Dark Knight watches over those tomes, so that we can all sleep at night.
8. Wayne Manor
If you think Wayne Manor only has one library, you are a crazy person. Little-known fact: Bruce Wayne loves Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. He loves it so much that he’s got at least three libraries, all equipped with rolling ladders so he can glide about pretending he is Belle. He makes Alfred play all the other parts.
9. The Truth Behind Why He Really Broke Up With Catwoman
On their first anniversary, he gave Catwoman a copy of I Am a Cat. She seemed into it at the time, but a couple of months later he went to pick her up for dinner and found that she was using the pages to line her litter box. She argued that she’d read a page and then make use of it, but Batman said even if that was true, it was not just disrespectful but also disgusting.
10. The Real Reason He Gave The City The Bat-Signal
Before there was a Bat Signal, there was a Batcellphone. Sadly, Batman kept using it as a bookmark, letting it get lost in the many pages of Outlander. The Bat Signal was devised to catch his eye, thus preventing unnecessary death.
Have we convinced you that Batman is the perfect book nerd?