Classic book love

7 Absolutely True Facts About Book Nerds

Classic book love

Did you know that instead of blood, we book nerds have strong-brewed English Breakfast tea running through our veins? Well, it’s true. And I’ll bet there’s a lot about book nerds you never knew. Like the fact that when we all turn 8, we’re ushered into a secret underwater cave where Patrick Stewart gives us a pair of prescription readers for near-sightedness, and a flashlight for reading after our bedtimes. Also, there are mermaids. Yeah. There’s a lot about the bookworm in your life that you might not know. Like in the case of a fistfight, a bookworm becomes surprisingly vicious, because we resent anything that cuts into our reading time. I know. It’s pretty intense. What’s our favorite food, you ask? Anything that can be fed to us by a trustworthy stranger. Because we need our fingers for page turning, that’s why. Here are 7 more things you might not know about book nerds:

1. We Don’t Need Ice Breakers, We ARE Ice Breakers
Who needs to make small-talk about things like “the weather” or “physical ailments” when you can be all, “Who here hasn’t read The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire? You? Well, you’re in for a treat tonight, let me tell you. Because: ‘VOLUME ONE:…'”

2. We Have Incredible Upper Bodies 
Books nerds don’t just read books. We own them. By the boxload. So many boxes. Sure, moving the contents of our apartment is brutal, but we’ve now got drool-worthy pectorals, and we like to call them “It Was” and “Worth It.” Say hello, boys.

3. We’re Adept At Picking People Up at Bars
We’ve read enough to know that for every terrible pickup line, there are 800 good ones. We might not know what to do once we’ve actually gotten your attention, but damned if we don’t know how to get it. God knows we’ve read enough on the subject. We’d dare you to call us a nerd, but we know you’re too busy trying to keep your knees from knocking together at our witty repartee.

4. We’re In Touch With Our Emotions
We know that the right combinations of words can make us laugh, cry, scream, or snort—and we know that the perfect combination can do all of those things at once. We remember those words at key moments, like when someone cuts in front of us at Whole Foods. Be wary of our feelings, because we have all of them. Also WHERE THE HELL IS THE YOGURT IN THIS MAZE?

5. Forget Dance-Offs—Let’s Make It a Read-Off
Sure, those club kids look all cool with their dancing to techno, wearing their various “fashions” and going to foam parties (in this example, it’s 1998), but we defy them to beat us at our game. Because our game is a read-off, and I didn’t crack the spine of this biography of Bach for my own health, dude. (Spoiler alert: Actually, I did. But whatever.)

6. We Can Party Like Hemingway 
But we don’t. Because we love our liver. And also, you know, being alive.

7. We’re Rebels 
The world says seize the day, and we agree…if only so the world will take its own advice and leave us in bed with a stack full of things that need reading. Call us outlaws. You’re not wrong. And also it makes us giggle.

What’s another true fact about book nerds?

  • ci0616

    The best thing about being a book nerd is that you’re never alone.

  • Polly Anna Watson

    We can quote random lines from our favorite books to create whole conversations, as needed!

  • Polly

    One absolute truth about book nerds is that most of us know that “true facts” is a gross, glaring redundancy.

  • Elaine Harris

    We are well traveled because with our books we can be in space one minute and the off to another country or Era in the next book.

  • zeifus

    I love this post. Love it.

    Another advantage is that you have plenty of kindling in case of an emergency. Let’s be honest — in each of our collections there are plenty of volumes that were cheap, free, inherited, “important” or purchased while under the influence (pick your opiate) that just. won’t. get. read. Or read again. Get rid of Ulysses? Never! It looks too good on the shelf.

    If I’m ever freezing, I’ll have 650,000 words of Atlas Shrugged to keep me warm (and provide light to read by).

  • Guest

    Another advantage is that you have plenty of kindling in case of an emergency. Let’s be honest — in each of our collections there are plenty of volumes that were cheap, free, inherited, “important” or purchased while under the influence (pick your opiate) that just. won’t. get. read. Or read again. Get rid of Ulysses? Never! It looks too good on the shelf.

    If I’m ever freezing, I’ll have 650,000 words of Atlas Shrugged to keep me warm (and provide light to read by).

  • Virginia Quinton Robertson

    I’ve never in my life had to say “I’m bored!”

  • CasualMeyhem

    Regarding #6, Speak for yourself.

    • mim

      Regarding #3, speak for yourself.

  • Crystal Dancel Miculob

    So true especially #1.