7 Magazine Headlines Inspired by Classic Novels

Girl browsing magazines at Barnes and Noble

Brevity may be the soul of wit, but I think most of us would give our favorite novels a pass on that front. A little bit of a good thing might be nice—but a lot more of it can be absolute heaven where word counts are involved. But once in a while, we opt for a magazine over a novel. It’s all well and good to delve into an edifying work of prose, but Middlemarch isn’t the best place to turn to for tips on how to rock an updo, or for insight on what your man might be thinking. In those cases, magazines—and their tantalizing taglines—can be helpful resources, indeed. Heck, I bet a lot of fictive heroes and heroines would’ve given their eyeteeth to have Glamour to turn to for some quick advice. Well, they’re in luck: here are 7 magazine headlines sure to provide guidance to some of fiction’s most troubled characters:

30 Ways Basic Punctuation Is Holding You Back
(Ulysses, by James Joyce)

1o Ways to Talk to a Shirtless Tree-Loving Recluse!
(To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee)

Breastfeeding: How Old Is Too Old?
(The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck)

Private Eyes ARE Watching You: Sunglasses & Spy-Wear For Every Budget
(1984, by George Orwell

Reinvent Yourself: The Complete Guide to Getting Over Your Ex
(The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald)

DIY Fine Art: Capture That Landscape In a Snap!
(To The Lighthouse, by Virginia Woolf)

5 Must-Haves For The Coming Pandemic
(The Stand, by Stephen King)

What other books are ripe for magazine parody?