The whole world is gobsmacked over Kate and William’s little boy. In fact, I don’t think there’s been this much worldwide buzz about a baby since those panda twins were born. Of course, my first thought was for the royal infant’s bookshelf. Here’s what I’d stock it with, if I had my way:
1. The Little Prince, by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Every little prince should read about another little prince. Not to mention, every British prince should read about a prince who has fallen from an asteroid, and who is, for all intents and purposes, French. This is how good foreign policy gets its start and things such as Chunnels are built, no?
Something tells me I’m not the only one who thinks this is the perfect gift for the new Windsor. How many copies of The Little Prince do you think the royal baby will receive? Four thousand? Forty thousand? Phew. If there’s ever an uprising of the commoners, Princess Kate can stand on her balcony and declare, “Let them eat all these books that I can’t re-gift!”
(Also. Is there someone on staff to write thank-you notes? Because I’m assuming you can only write “Thank you for The Little Prince—how perfect!” so many times before you fancy going back to factory life.)
2. Harold and the Purple Crayon, by Crockett Johnson
One of the only downfalls of being raised in and around castles (other than dragons) is that Mr. Clean Magic Erasers don’t work very well on Lincolnshire limestone. This read will be a vicarious one indeed.
3. Oh, the Places You’ll Go, by Dr. Seuss
Written as encouragement for regular folk heading out into the real world, this book will be educational in nature for the royal child. How else is he supposed to understand the steep and unpredictable climb of the working class? (That groovy, psychedelic, there-was-definitely-something-in-that-scone climb.)
Sidenote: this book should be kept out of the reach of Uncle Harry.
4. Pat the Bunny, by Dorothy Kunhardt
This book should be introduced to the Prince early on as an example of hard manual labor. It’s never to soon to develop a strong work ethic. There we go, sweet Prince. Pat pat. Now. Time for a royal nap.
5. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, by Eric Carle
While hunger and worms are something the Prince won’t have to contend with, this book is an important staple of any modern child’s library. However, just so the royal youngster can better relate, perhaps we should the change that famous phrase to: “one piece of pound cake, one scoop of frozen custard, one sour cucumber, one slice of Stilton, one slice of luncheon meat, one lolly, one serving of cherries jubilee, one toad in the hole, one patty cake, and a bowl of cubed melon that can be eaten properly with a fork.”
6. Corduroy, by Don Freeman
This is a lovely tale to introduce thriftiness and fabric options to the royal babe, amidst all that extravagance and tweed.
7. Is Your Mama a Llama? by Deborah Guarino
No, she’s not! She’s the Duchess of Cambridge! But do read on. It’s good for the Prince to know that not all babies are lucky enough to have a Duchess for a mum. Why, some of them have to make do with a fruit bat.
8. On the Night You Were Born, by Nancy Tillman
The world went stark raving mad! Not even a near-disaster at LaGuardia or the death of Dennis Farina could tear us away from your arrival! You are special indeed, royal baby. We love you. So much so that we’re renaming this book Cloudy With A Chance of Bangers. Sweet dreams, little prince.
What would you give the little Prince? Besides The Little Prince?