Congrats! You’re a bibliophile. You love the book and the book loves you. But has this ever happened: you’re out one night, socializing, talking to a human, and then, out of nowhere, he says nonchalantly “I don’t read books.” “I’m sorry, what?” you ask. He explains that he just doesn’t, never has, really. It’s not his thing. Oh! You’re crushed.

This was a real person, a new person you liked, and that NEVER happens. You were thinking s/he could be a girlfriend/boyfriend/friend, a something of possible significance, and now you can never talk to this person again. Just kidding. You can still talk to him, but it’ll be difficult not to chide him for his lack of love for the printed word. So we’ve gathered some world-famous, easily-remembered mantras about reading, and books in general, that you can share. Each and every one is entirely made up, but hey—this guy doesn’t read! How would he know?

1. “Just Read, Baby, Read.” Channel your inner WWII-era baseball coach, chomp down on a cigar, and say this in a throaty voice. Then snap your suspenders, wink, and walk away.

2. “A book in the hand is worth two in the bush.” This one is self-explanatory. How long have those books been in the bush? Are they covered in mildew? Did one become a squirrel’s nest? What if you try to catch one of the books and it flies away? Keep the one in your hand.

3. “Saved by the book.” “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t talk right now, I MUST finish this chapter.”

4. “Books are thicker than water.” This is a fact. Unless we are talking about ice, and then you’re just being tricky.

5. “To read or not to read, there is no question.” Duh.

6. “You miss 100 percent of the books you don’t read.” Ah! How are we ever going to read them all!? We don’t want to miss one! Panic at the library!

7. “In the end, it’s not going to matter how many books you read, but how many books took your breath away.” This is something our grandma would say, and it only makes half sense, because, statistically, don’t you have to read a lot of books to make sure some of them take your breath away. Grandma? Are we right? Grandma!

8. “The more difficult the book, the greater the happiness in finishing.” Did you read War and Peace? We did! This applies directly to that book. Oh, and Moby Dick.

9. “Do you know what my favorite part of the book is? The opportunity to read.” Awwww, say it with me “WE. LOVE. TO. READ. WE. LOVE. TO. READ.” Oh, what’s that? Not in a chanting mode? Ok, we can do it later. We WILL do it later.

10. “Book got your tongue?” Don’t you just hate it when this happens? The words are never as tasty on the page as they are in your mind.

11. “When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousand reasons to read.” Said while drinking a glass of wine, crying into a book.

12. “Just keep going. Everybody finishes the book if they keep at it.” True! And also great general advice for life.

13. “Don’t throw the book out with the bathwater.” We’re not 100% sure what this means, or why you were bathing the book in the first place, but hey! It’s a perfectly good book! Don’t throw it out with that nasty bathwater.

14. “It’s not the size of a man but the size of his library that matters.” Every chick mag should get on board with this mantra.

There you have it! Enjoy, think of some of your own, and remember: the book is your friend.