Chances are, you’re heard of the Tinder app, but if you haven’t, think of it as a dating GPS. Users upload pictures and a little bit of personal info, but the difference between Tinder and other dating sites is that when you’re checking out someone’s profile, you also get to see how close they are to you at that moment—geographically speaking. Now, more than ever, it’s easy to find someone within walking distance that you want to get to know better.
So it’s no wonder that tons of people are using Tinder. Even, believe it or not, some very memorable literary characters—because everybody needs a little love, even depressed donkeys with detachable tails. Here are some hot fictional singles looking to mingle:
Miss Havisham, Satis House
“Live everyday like it’s the past.”
About Ms. Havisham: Filthy rich and independent. I’m looking for some hot young eye-candy to gaze at over the heaps of rotting cake and cobwebs covering my dining room table. I don’t have time for someone looking for a quick hookup—in fact, there won’t be any hooking up, as my wedding dress is too delicate for manhandling. Yes, I said wedding dress…it’s a long story. Let’s sit in a dark, musty room together.
Miss Jean Brodie, Edinburgh
“This is my prime.”
About Miss Jean Brodie: I’m a women in my prime, the most glorious stage in any woman’s life, and I intend to get the most out of it. I am a former educator and influencer of young minds. Some may say that I have trouble respecting social boundaries, but those people certainly do not know the power of a woman in her prime! I’m only interested in unavailable men—emotionally, physically, or otherwise—who can appreciate a woman of substance and experience. Interest in the Spanish Civil War and Mussolini a plus!
Eeyore, Hundred Acre Wood, Southeast Corner
“Thanks for noticin’ me.”
About Eeyore: Some might say that I’m a pessimist. I disagree: I’m a realist. My friends just don’t get this, and that’s why I’m venturing out here, though I probably won’t come across as appealing to anyone. Oh, well. My favorite food is thistle and I enjoy writing poetry and playing poohsticks. Like I said before, I don’t think anyone will read this or like it, but then, I probably won’t like you either.
Tom Ripley, Wherever you are
“Whatever your tagline is, insert it here.”
About Tom Ripley: My name is Tom Ripley, though I have been known by some aliases in the past, so it’s really up for discussion. What’s your favorite name? Over the years I have developed a fondness for the finer things in life, and as opportunity…errr, strategy…err, fate would have it, I’ve been able to afford a very comfortable and refined lifestyle. I am looking for someone for whom I can cultivate new personality traits, I mean interests, and maintain the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed.
“You shall not pass! Well…not until date number 3.”
About Gandalf: I’m a retired wizard seeking companionship. I enjoy quiet evenings at home (with a nice bottle of red and a crackling fire) and hanging with my buds in the shire. Also, I’m old. Like, oooooold. So, not looking for anything too serious, but would like to meet someone interested in kicking back and enjoying the peace of this Saroun-less realm with me. Oh, and someone to watch my Lord of the Rings DVDs with.
Lisbeth Salander, Everywhere and nowhere
About Lisbeth Salander: Any unsolicited messages or advances are unwelcome and will be dealt with accordingly. You’ll know if I’m interested.
Which fictional character would you love to find on Tinder?