We all have dealbreakers that we break for the right person. So when you finally meet a princess or a prince who owns a bookshelf with actual books on it instead of beer cans and old tissues—but who give you a blank stare when you say, “My best friends in high school were Harry, Ron, and Hermione”—you may think twice about running away. But: Oh, no. No. No. NO!!! Your significant other is not into Harry Potter! Can you live while your S.O. survives without experiencing the nostalgic majesty of the Harry Potter series? Yes. Maybe. By turning them into fans, of course. Here’s how:
1. Ask Professor McGonagall if you can borrow the time turner Hermione used in her third year to go back in time and use the Imperius Curse* on your S.O’s mother so she will read the Harry Potter series aloud to her child.
*You might be wondering, Isn’t the Imperius Curse terrible? Won’t doing this make me no better than a Death Eater? Nope, this is for the well-being of someone you love.
2. Send them a weekly Hogwarts letter. On Sundays, leave one under their pillow.
3. Speak in Parseltongue during romantic moments.
4. Call all beer “butterbeer.”
5. Call all liquor “firewhiskey.”
6. Casually work wizarding spells into conversation. (I mean, more often than you already do, because obviously everyone who has read Harry Potter says “Accio!” when they need something.) For example, instead of telling your loved one you’re upset they used your copy of Half-Blood Prince as a coaster, yell “Sectumsempra!” Don’t explain what it means.
7. Tell your loved one that you can’t hang out with their friend Fred until they’ve read Deathly Hallows, so they can fully understand the emotional turmoil involved in being around a person named Fred.
8. “For someone who loves Alfonso Cuarón so much, you sure haven’t seen Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.” Say this sentence often, even if you’re not sure how they feel about Alfonso Cuarón.
9. And finally, compromise. If Harry Potter just isn’t going to work for your favorite person in this world, find something else to enjoy together. Like, say, your thinly veiled Harry Potter fanfiction.
How do you deal with an S.O. who doesn’t appreciate your favorite books?