I’ve had a caveman beard for most of my adult life, so I know firsthand—society frowns upon an abundance of facial hair. Recent studies have concluded that a little “designer stubble” is good for a guy’s image—it can be perceived as cool, sexy, edgy—but once that little bit of scruff grows into an unruly filamentous jungle, well, people stop seeing a fascinating hipster and start seeing a homeless guy with an overloaded shopping cart.
But, see, things are different in science fiction/fantasy. The insanely long and totally disgusting beard that homeless guy is sporting looks perfect on an all-knowing wizard or barbarian king. Science fiction/fantasy is filled with hairy characters, and in some cases, hair is an integral part of who or what these characters are. It’s like Samson—lose the hair, lose the mojo.
Here are some iconic characters that should never—ever—shave.
Imagine, for a moment, an entire civilization of completely hairless Tribbles. And being surrounded by all of those little blobs of purring, sentient flesh… (I think Shatner’s Kirk would’ve gotten into that!)
Professor Rubeus Hagrid
Hagrid without the beard is like Harry without the scar. It’s just not right.
When dwarves shave, they look like Neanderthal children. I know it sounds superficial but I just can’t respect a dwarf without a good soup-soaker of a beard.
Can you imagine a satyr shaving his legs? Yeah, see? Ruins the whole image. Especially if he waxes.
Wizards don’t shave. It’s a universal law.
Do you really want to know what’s underneath all that hair? I don’t.
Picture a giant, naked Wookiee. No, an entire planet of giant, naked Wookiees. And they’re all making that sound…