Hear ye, hear ye! Today on Pottermore, J.K. Rowling gives us yet another piece of Potter paraphernalia, shining a spotlight on singing witch Celestina Warbeck, a former Gryffindor with pipes so powerful they could drown out a banshee. (She also has the gift of “fancy baking,” which is frankly even more intriguing.) The profile is the first we’ve heard from the Potter world since the release last month of Rowling’s short story about a 30something Harry and friends hitting the Quidditch World Cup, written in the form of a dishy missive from the pen of yellow journalist Rita Skeeter.
Rowling’s apparent interest in revisiting Potter should be encouraged by all, loudly and frequently, until we’re presented with several more septets of novels set in the wizarding world, but for now we’ll settle with getting to know the fabulously named Celestina, who was mentioned but never seen in the original novels. In addition to her ability to scream an aria and whip up a marzipan Yule log, we’ve also learned that the highly successful singer (Molly Weasley’s favorite) has, like many Muggle performers, had a tempestuous romantic life, and became famous singing such torch-song hits as “A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love.”
But as Rowling must know by now, feeding her fanbase only makes us hungrier. So in case she’s taking requests, here are a few more supporting Potter characters we feel got short shrift in the series. We want to get the full scoop on:
Helena Ravenclaw (The Grey Lady)
We know Rowena Ravenclaw’s daughter stole her mother’s diadem and disappeared, later paying a terrible price for her desertion. But what fed her dangerous ambition? What happened to her in her years of exile in Albania? What was her dark history with the lovelorn Bloody Baron? We see the sad story of the Grey Lady unfolding like a dark fairy tale, or a murder ballad.
Luna Lovegood’s mother lost her life to her eccentric craft, killing herself with an experimental spell gone awry. We want to learn more about the woman who met and married eccentric tabloid journalist Xenophilius—and contributed half the genes of the wonderfully loopy Luna.
What kind of upbringing produced one of the most despicable characters in the Potter universe? We know little about Umbridge outside of her terrible reign at Hogwarts and her work at the Ministry of Magic, but something must have spurred her hatred for werewolves and other “half-breeds.” We want a psychological study of the mind behind the creepy kitten-plate collection.
Every Hogwarts Headmaster Ever
Though we wouldn’t take Rita Skeeter’s word on the weather, much less anything really important, we still want to read her book The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore, doing our best to discern between his life and Skeeter’s lies. Then we want detailed biographies on every headmaster in Hogwarts history. Actually, you know what? Just give us a fully updated edition of Hogwarts: A History, and we’ll go quietly.
Until we crawl back begging for an illustrated history of the Sorting Hat.
Which Potter characters deserve their own series?