What if These Classic Literary Characters Were on Facebook?

A. A. Milne's Winnie the Pooh

Love it or hate it, Facebook, in its addictive glory, is a force so captivating it causes many of us to forego life’s responsibilities in favor of reading and posting status updates. And while there are those who take the concept of sharing to an unnatural level, Facebook remains a great way to stay connected, solicit advice, and, of course, alleviate boredom. Had it been around back in the day, we think some of our favorite literary characters would’ve made great use of it. We like to think their posts would’ve looked something like this:

Juliet Capulet

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? Thou didst not reply to my FarmVille request.

Take a chill pill, Juliet. He’s probably just busy playing Words With Friends.

Rapunzel

Crowdsourcing: What do we all think of keratin treatment? Got a hot date with a prince tonight.

Hate to tell you, but supposedly it’s close to $300 a pop, and we hear rates are higher for longer hair. Something to think about.

Dorian Gray

Check out my latest #selfie. Looking good, huh?

Guess he ought to enjoy it while he can.

Winnie the Pooh

Oh bother. My honey pot is officially empty, and I’m growing rumblier in my tumbly by the minute.

Looks like somebody could use a Costco membership.

Dorothy Gale

Ladies, looking for a head-to-toe wardrobe update. I’m just not feeling the gingham anymore, and these darn shoes are killing my feet.

Perhaps you’ll find TOMS more comfortable. We hear they may even come in ruby.

Pollyanna

What a beautiful day! The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and everything around me smells like roses! I’ve got 42 new friend requests, 8 friends with birthdays this month, and a whole bunch of brand new features to check out. I’m so happy I could just burst!

Actually, this sounds like most of the people we know on Fakebook—er, Facebook.

Captain Ahab

Anyone up for a little whale watching this weekend?

Guess he’ll be calling out sick on Monday.

Oedipus

There’s this new chick I’ve got my eyes on, but my dad doesn’t approve. That guy really has a complex.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt for you and your dad to have The Talk… 

Robin Hood

Scored another five-finger discount at the market, so I’ll be cooking up a storm this weekend. Free food for everyone. Come one, come all.

Hopefully he remembered to unfriend the Sheriff of Nottingham before posting.

What fictional character would you love to friend on Facebook?

  • D3bgrRL

    I bet Lord Peter Wimsey would be an amusing Facebook poster.

  • http://urvythewizard.tumblr.com URVYTHEWIZARD

    it’d be really interesting to see Sam Gamgee ( from Lord of the Rings ) using Facebook. We all know who he’s going to be stalking.

  • sam

    The doctor, I want to friend the doctor on Facebook, or maybe Taylor Greer (the bean trees)