What T-Shirts Would These Literary Characters Have Worn?

Express yourself

Writers spend a lot of words trying to establish a character in readers’ hearts and minds. But if these authors had just put their protagonists in a simple, expressive graphic tee, they might have saved a lot of trees. Here are 12 literary characters, and the T-shirts that complete them:

Holden Caulfield, The Catcher in the Rye: Che Guevara
Because capitalists are so phony.

Ignatius J. Reilly, A Confederacy of Dunces: I’m with Stupid
Of course, Ignatius would have worn it as ironic commentary on popular culture.

John Galt, Atlas Shrugged: Reagan Bush ’84
Rand actually despised Reagan, and urged her disciples not to vote for him. Nevertheless, she’s become the Reagonomic literary heroine.

Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany’s: Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend
And pastries in front of store windows are the breakfast of champions.

Oliver Twist, Oliver Twist: “Don’t Have a Cow, Man
The naive and innocent Oliver is nothing like the impish Bart, but he’s a penniless orphan, so he’d probably take any old shirt he could get.

Dolores “Lolita” Haze, Lolita: Property of T-shirt
Yes, it’s sick.

Jay Gatsby, The Great Gatsby: Tuxedo tee
If only Daisy had seen this beautiful shirt, all that mess might have been avoided.

Scarlett O’Hara, Gone with the Wind: I Don’t Sweat, I Sparkle
And she doesn’t wear curtains, she wears drapes.

Hester Prynne, The Scarlet Letter: Oakland A’s baseball shirt
It’s not scarlet, but it’s for away games.

Patrick Bateman, American Psycho: I ♥ New York
What but the greatest city in the world could both cultivate and conceal such an egomaniacal psychopath?

Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon
If you play the Johnny Depp movie backwards and on mute, it actually corresponds with the album.

Sherlock Holmes: Keep Calm and Intellectually Belittle Your Sidekick
It’s elementary keeping calm, my dear idiotic Watson.

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