Bi-lingual dyslexia? Rug dates? Subtle flirting vs. advanced flirting? Boasting and gathering evidence? The application of USDA date-size-grading criteria to more personal assessments? All is explained in this review of how Monica improved her self-image, boosted her standing among her circle of friends, achieved fame, attracted a lucrative book deal, and generally set an example for others to study. Monica explained her flirtation techniques to Barbara Walters by saying that everyone understands the rules. But her rules came as a surprise to many people who had grown up burdened with a more traditional view of the world. In this fact-based self-help satire, Monica explains those rules and how to follow in her footsteps, with her ten stages of dating and with her proven advice for how women should handle themselves (and others) at each stage.