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YOUR EMOTIONAL FITNESS

Everything you need to know to live a life of Abundance

Balboa Press

Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

Many years ago I was working for a construction company. One day while having lunch with some co-workers, a guy we called Foont said, "Damn! Bologna sandwiches again! Every stinkin' day I get nothin' but bologna sandwiches. I hate bologna sandwiches!" "So," one of the other guys said, "why don't you ask your wife to make you something else?"

"Won't do any good" he said. "I make my own lunch."

There are so many choices that we make every day, from simple routine choices to more profound choices that impact our relationships, our careers, and even our lives. You make a choice every morning when you choose how to start your day. Do you start with a negative thought like "Oh, no ... do I have to get up?" Or a positive thought like "Time to get up and seize the day! What interesting people will I meet today ... and what will I learn?" Just ask yourself ... is this day going to be like yesterday and all of the days before that, or could it be a fresh start on the rest of my life's journey?

Is this the life you hoped to be living? Imagine living your life ... feeling love and acceptance towards others and experiencing happiness inside no matter what is going on in the world outside of you. You can do this for yourself, if you choose. Actually, YOU are the only one who can make this happen. Go ahead, it's so easy to get started ... just begin by turning the page ...

"A journey of a thousand leagues begins with a single step."

—Confucius

1.1 MY GOAL FOR YOU

If you found a message in a bottle, and on the outside of the bottle it read "The message inside contains what you need most for a happy, fulfilled, and abundant life", what would the message written inside say?

* * *

My goal in writing this book is to help you take control of your life and be able to create the life of abundance that you want and deserve. My definition of abundance is a fullness of spirit which overflows, along with a lifestyle of more than adequate material provisions. Take a moment to think about what your definition of abundance might be.

This is not a self-help book, but a self-empowerment book. Its purpose is to change your state of consciousness and your perceptions of life. If you choose to allow yourself to learn the powerful principles contained within, the information in this book will guide you towards your emotional fitness.

"You are led through your lifetime by your inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self."

—Richard Bach

If things in your life are not happening as you would like, and you make an effort to fix the symptoms (the problems you're experiencing), you will only get a temporary solution. If you try to fix what is happening on the outside ... bad job, unfulfilling relationships, challenging financial situation, ill health, etc ... without changing how you interpret the situation from the inside, you will need constant reminders and motivation to behave in the way you have decided would be best for you. But the moment you see and perceive things differently, change is natural and inevitable.

"When you change the way you look at things ... the things you look at change."

—Wayne Dyer

It's not about cleaning the projection (what is on the outside), but cleaning the projector (you) ... so you can let in more light. By cleaning the lens (your thoughts, perceptions, beliefs) and letting in more light, you will create a shift of awareness within, which will give you new perspectives ... a new way of seeing and being in the world.

"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."

—Rumi

Everything in your life, perfect or not, is you. Because of this, you have the power to change it. Facing, learning from, and transforming negative feelings is a conscious choice which requires a commitment to release the negative emotions which have held you back. Once you've released these negative feelings and thoughts, your health and happiness will take a turn for the better. You will no longer see your struggles as a tragedy, but as an opportunity for you to develop into a more flexible human being, thereby allowing your struggles to act as stepping stones to a better life.

You will learn to appreciate all of your emotions, even the negative ones, as the negative emotions will become a call to action, letting you know that something is amiss inside of you. These negative emotions are a signal that some kind of change is needed, and if you handle the negative emotions when they are small, the situation will not become a crisis. For example, instead of letting things escalate until you are infuriated, you will make the change when you begin to get annoyed. It is an empowering way to live! Furthermore, having transcended emotional pain, you'll have more compassion for others who are still lost in turmoil.

What you will find truly amazing is that when you start to see things differently and change your perceptions, the old problems on the outside seem to miraculously resolve themselves and new opportunities just appear out of nowhere. It becomes the process of creation at its best. It's not a matter of what you're doing ... it's all a matter of what you're being. "I have invented the world I see." —A Course in Miracles

You may even experience a feeling that something is missing from your life, and then realize that what is missing are the old problems and the stress. Now you see the things that happen as just life situations and opportunities, not problems.

"We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them."

—Epictetus

This book will give you a deeper understanding of the choices that you have, and help you become empowered to make the most important choice of all ... the choice to choose your thoughts and beliefs. Once you realize that your beliefs create your thoughts and in turn your reality, you will be able to take control of your life.

Please remember that the process of self-empowerment is never ending and has no time frame, yet results can be seen immediately. As soon as you are no longer seeing a limiting picture of your potential, you can become aware that you are perfect ... even if everything in your life has told you otherwise. You've been living that old way long enough. Isn't it time to allow for something new? You don't need to understand anything, you just need to allow ...

"Trying to understand is like straining to see through muddy water. Be still, and allow the mud to settle. Remain still, until it is time to act."

—Lao Tzu

The purpose of this book is to change your state of consciousness and your perceptions of life. With the knowledge of "self" that you will gain, it is my hope that you will be empowered to take control and create the life of abundance that you so richly deserve.

"The world is missing what can be found in you." —James Miller

1.2 ABOUT THIS BOOK

Within these pages is a compilation of all the valuable information I have acquired through many years of study and life experiences. These studies include training and practice in Life Coaching, Energy Leadership™, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Hypnosis, as well as many other trainings and readings in the field of personal growth and psychology. What has motivated me to write this book is not what I learned, but how my life has been transformed by what I've learned. If this book helps you on the path towards your own transformation, I will have achieved my goal.

"No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of your knowledge. The teacher gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his lovingness. If he is indeed wise he does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind." —Kahlil Gibran

* * *

After spending countless hours researching the fields of Personal Growth, Psychology, and Spiritual Psychology, I learned that there are two extremes. Success trainers like Tony Robbins will teach you about your Unlimited Power and how to Awaken the Giant Within. These types of trainers will help you to see how to access all of your personal power based on the philosophy of total self-creation. On the other end of the spectrum are teachers like the ancient philosopher Lao Tzu, who teaches how to go with the flow and to live in the moment, allowing your life to unfold and trusting in the wisdom of the Universe. Which way is better, using laser focus and intensity or going with the flow and allowing? I believe that they are both equally as good, as there is a time and a place for each, and you will see a hybrid of these and other philosophies throughout this book.

As a Certified Professional Life Coach, I have learned that the quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to the type of questions that they ask themselves, and most people do not ask themselves empowering questions. For example, a person who makes a mistake and then asks "Why do I always mess up?" will have an entirely different life from the person who asks "What can I learn from this?" By asking themselves the right questions, people are able to find their own new, empowered way of seeing and being in the world. This questioning process will be covered in depth throughout this book.

Being a Certified Master Practitioner of the Energy Leadership™ Index, I am trained to address the energy behind the core thoughts which move people forward or hold them back. One of the many things I learned from this training is that leadership is how you interact with everyone, including yourself, so the question is not whether or not you are a leader, but how well you lead. Your leadership ability, and ability to motivate yourself and others, is directly correlated with your core energy level, which will be discussed at length in the chapter "Your Energy."

As a Certified Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), I will be sharing some NLP techniques with you throughout this book. If you're not familiar with NLP, it will change the way you think about thinking. "Neuro" refers to the nervous system and the neural pathways of the five senses. "Linguistic" refers to the use of words, phrases, body language and other ways we communicate our mental states. "Programming" is borrowed from computer science. If you think of your brain as a computer, and your unconscious mind as the software, NLP is the software manual, showing you how to use the brain's own language to alter and create new neural pathways. NLP views thoughts, feelings, and actions as habits, or "programs," which are open to manipulation. Therefore, the proper use of this technology will result in lasting change. Traditional therapy and psychology deal with the conscious mind and hypnosis deals with the unconscious mind, whereas NLP integrates the conscious and unconscious mind.

During my continued training in the NLP processes, I have studied Metaphors of Movement, which is the exploration of the verbalization of non-verbal communications and behaviors. Simply put, sometimes the solution to our problems is to have a better understanding of the way we "construct" our problems in our mind. Throughout this book we will look at how we verbalize our internal communications, and how becoming conscious of this process will result in more effective self communication.

In my study of hypnosis, I learned that it is often misunderstood because of the illusion created by stage hypnotists as they carefully select the audience members who will follow instructions and want to cooperate. A hypnotist cannot make you do anything that violates your values, but being on stage will give the audience member an excuse to act in a way they normally would not. In reality, hypnosis is merely an altered state of consciousness, characterized by heightened suggestibility and receptivity to direction. Hypnosis works because it allows you to bypass the critical faculty, which is the door between the conscious and unconscious minds. When you are watching a movie and you respond as if what was happening on screen is real, even though you consciously know that it is not, you are in a hypnotic trance. Your body responds as if it were "Real" because unconsciously, your imagination is more powerful than logic ... and that, in a nutshell, is hypnosis. You will understand the power of this when we practice techniques using your imagination throughout this book.

"Logic will get you from A to B, but imagination will get you anywhere." —Albert Einstein

1.3 HOW YOU ARE WIRED

The first step on your path to emotional fitness is to understand how you, as a human being, are "wired."

Events in your life have no meaning until they reach the part of your brain called the limbic system, which is more commonly known as your unconscious. The unconscious asks "What does this mean?" as it is a human condition to try to make sense of things. The next step is very interesting. Within your unconscious mind a little voice that was formed in your childhood gets a memory from the past and connects it to what's going on now, and it tells the unconscious what the event means. This little voice then creates a movie and the nervous system is convinced the movie is real and produces feelings. You will believe that your feelings are true, so if you are feeling bad from the movie the little voice created, you will then react with an attitude ... and then behaviors and actions. Other people are influenced by these actions and behaviors and, guess what, they respond to you accordingly. After creating your reality, do you ever blame other people and situations for your world not working the way you wish it would?

"For the most part, people personally create their life situation, and then choose to blame other people and events for the life situation that they find themselves in."

—Simon Welch

The next thing that happens is that this experience reinforces your self-image, which is what caused your initial interpretation. It all happens in the blink of an eye ... and becomes an endless cycle ... a snowball becomes an avalanche.

Moreover, when danger is perceived by the unconscious part of the brain, the body reacts with a "fight or flight" response. In fact, as the brain takes in negative information, it converts this information into chemicals (toxins), and it then lets your whole body know that there's trouble in your world. These toxins are stress hormones, and "injecting" bad news, real or imagined, has the same effect as injecting a chemical into your body. (More on this in the chapter Poison or the Fountain of Youth ... It's Your Choice.)

This part of your emotional brain is left over from our pre-historic past, when people were scavenging for food and needed to react quickly, for example, if a lion suddenly appeared and decided you were lunch. But in modern, complex human situations, this on/off switch can be triggered too easily, allowing us to see danger when a cool head would be a wiser and safer choice. To make matters worse, if you had a difficult childhood, you may be seeing danger everywhere in an attempt to keep yourself safe ... but instead, it's making you miserable. Do you want to be miserable? Of course not, but you are unconsciously afraid that if you let your guard down, something terrible may sneak up on you while you're not paying attention.

During the first seven or eight years of life, your mind absorbs all information without question. It is during this time that the beliefs and values that will be with a person throughout his/her life are formed ... beliefs about who they are and what the world represents to them, about success and failure, right and wrong, good and bad, love, money, charity, etc. The unconscious mind creates a particularly deep connection with beliefs caused by traumatic experiences, such as when we felt judged, criticized, or not accepted, because those are the beliefs that we think helped us survive or deal with that experience (more on this in the chapter Parenting).

If you are tired of being ruled by your unconscious, and want to stop feeling like hungry lions are jumping out at you when someone says the wrong thing, looks at you the wrong way, or cuts you off in traffic, here's the good news. In another part of your brain called the neo-cortex (your thinking brain), more commonly known as your conscious mind, you can question if you are really in danger. The challenge is that in a battle between the unconscious and the conscious, the unconscious will usually win. Think of your conscious mind as the captain of the ship and your unconscious mind as the crew. Even though the captain wants to believe he's in charge, if the crew does not cooperate, the captain has no control. Are you walking around in a state of mutiny? Do you know other people who are?

"Nothing is either good or bad. It's thinking that makes it so."

—William Shakespeare
(Continues...)

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Excerpted from YOUR EMOTIONAL FITNESS by Gary Rubin. Copyright © 2013 by Gary Rubin. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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