Table of Contents
Foreword Penn Jillette ix
More Foreword Belly Bob Thornton xii
Introduction: Howard Hughes and Logorrhea xiv
1 Cos and the Zuckers 3
2 The Plane to Showbiz 13
3 Tripping Past Dad 25
4 Learning to Stand Up 28
5 John Belushi Takes a Knee 33
6 Larry, It's Albert/It's Kevin/It's Albert 37
7 Torturing Reiser, Part One 43
8 The King and I 46
9 Barry's Baltimore 58
10 Nothing Like Your First 63
11 Eat Smart 69
12 Killing Warren Beatty 71
13 L.A. Story Story 75
14 The Path Less Traveled 78
15 Called Up to the Majors 85
16 Reading between the Lines 90
17 Trophies on the Mantel 96
18 Hanging with the Big Boys … and Girls 101
19 Is the Car Here Yet?! 107
20 Jack and Mom 114
21 It's Chinatown, Kev 118
22 Jack in the Voice 121
23 Bang Bang, Shoot Shoot 124
24 Stealing Arkin's Soul or Torturing Reiser, Part Two 130
25 Midget Fuckers, Pussy Punchers, Cock Smokers, and Rectum Rockets 135
26 The Odd Couple Goes to Minneapolis 139
27 The Return of Italian Royalty 142
28 I, Suspect 145
29 The Usual Fucking Cocksuckers 154
30 The Suspects Go to Cannes 162
31 Sucking Face with Supermodels 166
32 Nixon's List 173
33 The Don 178
34 Have You Seen the Muffin, Man 183
35 Club Willis 188
36 Carpe Per Diem 193
37 No Good Deed Goes Unpunished 200
38 Walken of Fame 203
39 Boldly I Go 205
40 Jerry and Me 210
41 My Introduction to the Interwebs 216
42 If You're Not Creating, You're Waiting 223
Epilogue: President Clintons Superpowers 228
Acknowledgments 242
Index 243
