Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Outlandish wasn't your typical town. It didn't have cars rushing up and down the streets or loads of people hurrying to work. It wasn't a large, noisy city or a tiny, quiet one, either. It was an unusual, albeit charming town that sat on California's long coast, nestled in its own quaint spot between San Francisco and Monterey Bay. Because it was a coastal town, you might expect to see palm trees and colorful beach houses, and you would indeed find plenty of both, but what you might be surprised to see would be the large family of performing magicians spread out on the beach looking as though they'd fallen out of a Dickens novel (and drawing a good crowd, too). You might also wonder at the enormously sized fans that stood high above the rooftops. These fans were used to filter out the pollution that blew in from the larger, nearby cities. It was a very clever idea, dreamed up by a local, who was quickly becoming famous for his smart invention.

The only modes of transportation allowed in Outlandish (besides feet) were bicycles, roller skates, horse-drawn carriages, and small battery operated vehicles, which were owned by the town and used mostly by the city workers, as well as an occasional transport for the elderly. You could drive your car to the edge of Outlandish, but only as far as the parking garage that sat at the only entrance into town, and there your car would have to remain until you were ready to leave.

While it might seem an odd place, and indeed it was, Outlandish was an idyllic place to visit and an even better place to live. Not only was it safe, picturesque, and clean, but it was also filled with fine food, excellent music, offbeat entertainment, and one-of-a-kind shops.

If you were people watching you would see that most of the residents were over sixty. Retired men and women appreciated the safe streets and clean air, but they loved the entertainment and fine food. However, in the summer, curious people of all ages and walks of life came to visit this town that was known for its odd charm.

There were, of course, a few residents who weren't retired and those were (for the most part) the business owners, entertainers, and employees. One of those residents of Outlandish was Archibald Plumby, better known as Archie (much to his dismay). He was neither retired nor a vacationer. He was freshly twenty and still living at home with his parents. His father, Albert, was a businessman, his mother, Annella, a chef, and Archie was a writer. Their dwelling was a cheerful blue, two-story beach cottage that changed colors as often as his mother deemed it necessary, and that was about every two years.

Archie stood six feet tall and was a thin, one hundred sixty-five pounds. His face was hidden under a clump of bushy brown curls, and those curls hid in the shadow of the umbrella he always carried over his head. He wasn't sure if he was handsome, for only his mother had ever told him he was, and we all know mothers think their own children are the best and the most beautiful. But Archie was indeed handsome in his own way, although not many were able to get close enough to discover that for themselves.

Archie didn't carry his umbrella merely to keep dry (Outlandish wasn't a particularly rainy place). Nor did he carry his umbrella to shelter his skin from the sun, although he did have a fair complexion. Archie carried his umbrella because the sky was overwhelming to him — but not only the sky, for he couldn't even look up at an eight-foot ceiling without being afflicted with a panic attack.

Archie was born with this fearful condition. And his first few weeks of life were a bit of a nightmare for his mother and father — well, certainly for little Archie, too. Before he could voice his preference, he pulled blankets over his head and smashed his face against whatever was underneath him in order to avoid looking up. He screamed and thrashed and pitched a fuss, but his parents patiently endured those frightening beginnings, and after countless visits to doctors of every sort, and receiving no answers, they settled into Archie's world and adjusted their lives to suit his eccentricities.

What most children do for fun, Archie did out of necessity. He played inside blanket forts, ate underneath the dining room table, and slept in a short room, under a low canopy. Since nothing could be done to fix what was, by some, deemed a problem, Archie's parents embraced it and taught Archie to do the same.

Archie had always been a watcher as well as a writer and that was why he was employed at the local newspaper, Stay Afloat. His steady work, although only part-time, was in writing the observation column for the paper, but he also wrote (and updated as necessary), the Outlandish Travelers Pamphlet. He had lived in Outlandish his entire life, so who better to fill visitors in on all of the charms and appeal of his beloved town?

The regulars in Outlandish knew Archie, but mostly through his written words ... and he never seemed to run out of them.

(Outlandish Tourist Pamphlet)

Welcome to Outlandish!

Our motto here in Outlandish is "Lovely enough to do nothing and see everything. Lively enough to keep you entertained for days on end!" Whether you're here for remarkable shows, exclusive shops and mouth-watering cuisine, or solely for pure air, quiet streets, and scenic views, we welcome you to our extraordinary town.

Don't Miss These Special Points of Interest

FIVE-STAR RESTAURANTS

The Jazz House(Chef Jeremiah Salisbury)

Known for its exceptional salads and award-winning cardamom rolls — with a wine list and large dance floor to take you into the evening hours.

Flavors of the Earth(Chef Annella Plumby)

Charismatic flavor blends and fresh tasting dishes are Chef Annella's forte. Set on the cliff, this restaurant offers a spectacular view of the coast.

SPECIALTY SHOPS

Hamlet's Salt Boutique

Brother and sister, Piccolo and Clarinet present a shop like none other — an ALL salt shop. It's spectacular to see all that can be done with salt. Go home with a local favorite: Chocolate Mint Sucking Salt.

The Poncho Bungalow

Ponchos of varying style in every color and pattern imaginable. Recently featured in Mallory's Magnificent Finds. Don't leave without your poncho!

ENTERTAINMENT

Tickle Me Pink Dinner Theater

A stunning theater with a multitiered dining room overlooking the large stage. Fantastic shows and food all year long!

The Pretentious Pindabrooks Magic Show

A mischievous bunch of shoddily dressed magicians — all from one huge family! The Pindabrooks are well-known, well-loved, and sure to entertain you.

Carriage Rides

Shire horses trot along in front of classic carriages and treat you to a unique view of Outlandish. But, perhaps the most unique element of the ride is the clown who will be your coachman.

It was Archie's twentieth birthday, and his mother had cooked him an afternoon meal instead of an evening one, because she needed to fill in at the restaurant for an ill cook that evening.

Mr. and Mrs. Plumby didn't often join Archie underneath the table for meals, but since it was his birthday, they moved all of the tall chairs away from the table and feasted together. Just for fun.

"The Coconut Shrimp was delicious, Mother. Really splendid."

His mother smiled. "But do you know why? See if you can distinguish the flavors, Archie."

His father put a finger up and said, "Ah! Let me do it."

Annella put her fingertips to her husband's lips and said, "No, no, no. I already told you, Albert. Now hush and let's see if Archie can figure it out."

Archie tilted his chin up, closed his eyes, and moved his lips around as if tasting the Coconut Shrimp all over again.

"Hm ... shrimp, of course. Toasted coconut. Coconut milk. Aaaaand ..." Tilting his head to one side, he continued, "Egg yolk. Cayenne pepper. Let's see ... Oh! Scallions!" Eyes still closed ... "Bread crumbs. Orange zest. Apricots ... and ..."

His mother watched him closely as if transmitting the secret ingredient to his mind.

Opening his eyes, he seemed to know the answer, but then when he opened his mouth to speak, the answer came out timidly and in the form of a question. "Almonds?" "Yes! Very good, Archie! I tossed the coconut with almond oil before baking. You picked up a very subtle flavor. Impressive."

"Now why can't I do that?" Albert said with a pout.

"Because," answered Annella, "you don't savor your bites as you should. Flavors want your attention, Albert."

Albert laughed and shook his head, "Well, I do know the clam chowder had clams. Ha!"

"Now how about dessert?" Annella asked as she scooted away from the table and toward the kitchen.

"What have you come up with?" Archie asked.

His mother spoke with confidence, knowing it would please Archie, "Pistachio Cake with Pistachio Butter Cream Frosting."

Albert's eyes grew a little bit every time he heard the word butter, but when you added the word frosting to it, they grew even larger. Archie loved sweets, too, but not quite as much as his father did and his waistline proved it.

Archie's birthday meal was all very delicious ... and filling; so much so, that Archie unbuttoned his pants to give his swollen belly room to breathe a bit.

"I think I'd better go for a walk," he said. "I don't know if I've ever felt so close to bursting."

His father said with an exaggerated, serious expression, "No, no. We can't have that. Can you imagine? Dying, on your twentieth birthday ... from overeating of all things!" Archie laughed, wrapping his belly in his arms as he did.

Albert continued, "And what would happen to your mother's career if word got out? Her days as a chef would be over for sure."

Archie continued laughing and said, "Father ... please ... stop."

"Go have your walk then," Albert said with a chuckle.

The beach was often a little cool, but since it was March, it was just a little bit cooler, so Archie pulled on his favorite orange sweater, slipped on his shoes, grabbed his large black umbrella, and headed out to the beach for an afternoon stroll. He walked close enough to the shore to feel the ocean water spray against his face and decided it was a little too chilly for that. As he turned to move away from the water, the wind, which was a little stronger than usual, caught his umbrella and threatened to make it topple, which would have been an absolute nightmare for Archie. He turned back toward the water and angled his umbrella so it would not be affected by the wind and decided to make his way back toward home in little sidestepping movements in order to keep his umbrella steady.

As he moved awkwardly along the beach, he saw a blond-haired lady walking toward him. Surely she's not–

For whatever reason, Archie had always been especially shy of the opposite sex. He could tell you many stories of close encounters ... but he wouldn't.

"Oh gosh," he said out loud to himself, panicking.

Archie worried a little less about his umbrella and turned to walk a little more swiftly toward home (but he did still hold onto the left side of his umbrella canopy so the wind wouldn't catch it). He turned once to look back and saw the lady was moving a little faster, obviously attempting to catch up to him. He quickened his pace yet a little more in order to get away.

When he reached the door of his home, he turned to look and saw that she had given up trying to catch him but was still looking in the direction of his house. He moved inside, closing his umbrella a bit to fit in.

His mother was standing near the door when he entered, so she asked, "What are you doing, Archie?"

His head had been down, so he startled as he opened his smaller umbrella.

"Oh, um. Nothing, Mother. What are you doing?"

"The same as when you left a few minutes ago. Getting ready to go to work. I thought you were going for a walk. Why are you rushing back in so quickly?"

He knew he had been caught in the act of fleeing (it wasn't the first time), and so he did what he usually did; he tried to act casual, and as usual, he didn't do a very good job of it.

His mother walked over to where he stood and looked out the front window.

"Who are you running from now?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Who is she?" she said pointing to the lady who was just turning to walk the other direction.

"I don't know whom you're referring to," he said without looking out the window.

"The blond girl over there? Were you talking to her before you came rushing in?"

Still avoiding the window, he quickly said, "Of course not. I was only cold. That's why I came back."

"Now, Archie. It's not that cold outside."

"The wind was brutal," he said much too dramatically.

"You ran from her, didn't you?"

Archie could feel his face flush. "Well. Why would I run from a female?"

His mother laughed. "A female? Really, Archie?"

"Well. She is, after all, a female. I mean, technically."

His mother's smirk bothered him, but he was so glad to see her shrug her shoulders and walk away that he decided not to say any more.

From the other room she hollered, "I'm sorry I have to work tonight. Especially since it's your birthday. It shouldn't be too busy though. Why don't you pop by for a bit? We'll visit in between things, and I'll bring out some extras from the kitchen."

"Well, I might come for tea, but please don't feed me another bite. I'm stuffed!" he said, showing that his pants were still unbuttoned.

Archie's mother walked back in to put a pair of shoes by the stairs and patted Archie's arm as she did.

"All right dear, no more food for you. Bring your notebook. Maybe you'll observe a thing or two for your column."

She chuckled as she walked back toward the kitchen, so Archie followed her.

"Mother. Why did you laugh?"

"I didn't laugh."

"Yes, it was just a little bit, but you did laugh. Why?"

"Archie. I didn't even realize I did. Why are you being so sensitive? What's come over you?"

Archie stood in silence for a moment and wondered, What has come over me?

Looking at his mother he asked seriously, "Now that I'm twenty, do you think I should look for more work?" She looked at him thoughtfully.

He continued, "I mean, I don't know what else there is to be done in the way of an occupation. We both know my limitations."

Archie knew as soon as he said it, it was the wrong thing to say. His mother had always told him, "The only things you can't do are the things you aren't meant to do."

So naturally her response was, "Limitations?" and she said it as though she'd never heard the word before.

"That's not what I meant," Archie said. "You know I've never felt inadequate. I've accepted the things about me that are different. If I ever had the opportunity to feel sorry for myself, I don't remember it."

Archie's mother went to stand with him under his umbrella.

"Then what's changed? Aren't you satisfied with your column?"

"Yes," he answered quickly. "I am satisfied, but it doesn't pay very well, at least not much in the way of supporting myself, and I will have to support myself at some point."

Archie hesitated, "What if. Well ... what if ..." He dropped his head and sighed.

Annella lifted his chin. "What if what, Archie?"

Archie looked at his mother with one eye squinted, "What if I were to fall in love?"

Annella was surprised by Archie's confession. "Have you met someone?"

Archie quickly shook his head, "No, no. I haven't met anyone."

"No?" she asked with curiosity.

Archie shook his head and continued, "It's just that when I helped you cater the wedding last week, I couldn't take my eyes off of the bride and groom. I found myself wondering if it would ever be me."

"Why wouldn't it be?" she asked.

"I don't know. I want it to be. But what if it's not meant to be? What if I can't ever move beyond the Observation Column?" He rolled his eyes as he said it.

"Archie, the only thing that can stop you from having the life you desire is you. You have to pursue life as it presents itself to you."

Archie asked, "But should I be looking?"

---

Excerpted from "Archie of Outlandish"
by .
Copyright © 2016 Lynnette Kraft, Abigail Kraft, and Jared Kraft.
Excerpted by permission of New Wrinkle Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

---