Snapshot:
"Things are good ... Well, they could be better ... Actually, I'm really fed up, and I'm thinking of quitting my job. I'm chopping away here, and there are no chips flying."
John, a production manager for a software company, is speaking on the phone to his new coach. He runs his hands through his sandy blond hair, noticing again how much less of it he has now than he used to have. He smiles ruefully at his vanity, at how it pops up at the oddest moments. When he was in grad school, he just hadn't imagined that someday he'd be sitting at an overcrowded desk feeling like he'd somehow missed a train.
He isn't quite sure what he signed up for with coaching, but he figures at this point he has nothing to lose.
"I had six meetings yesterday, and I walked away from each one with so much work I don't even know what hit me. I'm working late every night, my wife seems permanently angry with me, I feel like I haven't seen our kids in weeks, and the best people on my team are all about to quit because the workload just isn't easing up -- it's getting worse."
"Wow," says his coach, "that sounds tough."
"Yeah," John says, "and what really burns me is that I seem to be complaining about the same things over and over again, and I just don't seem to be able to fix anything."
"Okay," the coach launches in. "Let's tackle this and see if we can't make some changes so that at least you can move on to some new problems."
John laughs and sighs. "Well, that would be a relief."
"Let's take a look at the whole picture. At how you're functioning in your work, personal and family life, and all parts of your life. We'll establish exactly where you are right now and where you truly want to be.
"I'll help you look through some different lenses so you have plenty of new perspectives. Once you can see your life more clearly I'll help you leverage some things and let a few things go and ultimately help you decide what actions you can take that will permanently eliminate reoccurring frustrations."
John likes what his coach is saying but still has some real doubts about getting this kind of help. He's never seen himself as someone who needed help. As far back as he can remember, he was a golden boy on and off the basketball court. He was always the guy people came to for advice. Why can't he do this by himself?
"Can you really do that for me?" John asks, excited but dubious.
"You're going to do it, John, not me, but I will show you some principles and a fail-safe process that will help guide you," says the coach. "Plus, I'll listen and nudge you toward what you say you want. I'll remind you of the many things you do that are working, and I'll keep your eye on the ball. How does that sound?"
A moment passes before John takes in a deep breath and says, "Good. Let's do it."
Sound good? To see yourself objectively, to cut through the layers of accumulated mental detritus, to make clear-headed choices, and to take effective action toward creating a life that works beautifully? Whenever we describe what coaching can do for people, the inevitable response is "I want a coach!" Who wouldn't? When someone works with a good coach, they are making an investment in themselves like they are a hot new stock, and it causes them to take off like a rocket toward the destination of their choice. This book is our way of offering you the coaching process and the best coaching tools available.
Replicating the coaching experience in a book is fiendishly difficult because the perception is that the power of coaching comes from a relationship. While this is partially true, the most relevant relationship coaching addresses is the one you have with yourself. As coaches, we do a number of things with all our clients. We create an environment in which people feel safe and will grow. Then we use a process -- a set of principles and a framework -- that is easily repeated. Long after we have stopped working together clients often say, "I still hear your voice in my head." But we know that it isn't the coach's voice they are hearing -- it's their own. Their own voice is now informed by a framework and a set of principles that helped them to gain clarity. Coaching helps people have better conversations with themselves; it helps people make better decisions about what is best for them on a minute-by-minute basis. Great coaches don't tell people what to do; they help people build their own personalized system to figure it out for themselves. This book can help you find a new mental framework and operating system. Call it new internal software, if you like.