Google v. China, Day 1: Live From the Frontlines

Day 1: Escalation
ANCHOR JASMINE BINKSWELL: Good evening. We turn our attention to China, where tensions are running high between Internet giant Google and the Chinese Government. We now go live to our intrepid reporter, Randy Gall, who is currently in Beijing. Randy, are you there?
RANDY GALL: Hello?! Can you hear me? I’m reporting from atop the hotel here in Beijing, where behind me sits Google’s Chinese headquarters, which last night were viciously attacked…cyberlly! It’s impossible to calculate the damage at this point, but literally hundreds of computers may have been infected with a virus!
JASMINE: Randy, there’s no need to scream. We can hear you. Can you tell us what you see? Is there a sense of panic or urgency outside Google’s Chinese headquarter?
RANDY: If the camera will look down toward the street you will see several Google employees outside of the office, standing. Perhaps they are too frightened to return to work after the attack. Or perhaps they simply needed a break from dealing with the carnage inside. Wait! A man is now going back into the building. I repeat: someone is going back into the building. These employees are the real heroes, Jasmine. Our thoughts and prayers go out to them.
JASMINE: What has been Google’s response to this attack?
RANDY: Google says the attack came from somewhere inside China, as a response to Google’s attempt to ease censorship restrictions in the country. What we’re… Hold on. Hold on, Jasmine. Oh my…Oh no.

JASMINE: Randy? Randy…
RANDY: My producer and I are heading inside our hotel now. We heard a mild buzzing sound. It’s no longer safe to be on the rooftops here in China where we are sitting ducks for cyber bombardments.
JASMINE: Are you safe? Randy?
RANDY: It’s (INAUDIBLE) and spreading to the e-mail servers at Google. We’re going to (INAUDIBLE) with the security…(STATIC) backup the systems….(END OF FEED)
RANDY: Sorry. One of our cables was unplugged. Anyway modest estimates say all of Google’s internal e-mail accounts have been hacked. At this point, we can only pray those estimates are wrong.
JASMINE: Is it safe to still use Google as a search engine?
RANDY: I’ve been told that it should be safe, but to prevent a cyber attack from spreading to America, experts are advising that you use Google quickly, and then move on to another Web site before a Chinese cyber attack has time to assail your computer. You may also want to keep your computer away from pets and pregnant women while using Google. And only type with one hand, as this will ensure you have a backup hand in case your typing arm becomes infected with a Chinese cyber virus.
JASMINE: Many Americans want to help. Where can they go?
RANDY: Stay away from China. Donate blood at your local…NO! Pete, grab the equipment!  Let’s go! Let’s go! [BEEP]ing move it!
JASMINE: Randy? What’s going on? Randy?
RANDY: A second attack has hit! Oh God! We’re racing to shut down our computers here in China! Turn off your [BEEP]ing computer now, dammit! Now! Oh God! We’ve been hit! We’ve been hit! Virus scans do nothing! My Word documents have been corrupted! No! My screenplay! Everything is gone! It’s all gone!
JASMINE: Randy? Randy?
JASMINE: We will try to reestablish contact with Randy. Stay tuned.

Dan Bergstein did not approve this brief author bio.