Jeff Howard’s Unreal Property — II

By Dan Bergstein

No longer with Lydia Farnsworth Real Estate LLP, for reasons best left unspecified, Realtor Jeff Howard offers:  Historic Sweat Shop Turned into Hot, Hot, Hot Condos!  The perfect place for the young professional, the Tanner Factory Apartments is now accepting new residents. This former sweat shop was gutted and the interiors remodeled to give the entire building an urban-chic look, while the exterior has been left unchanged to honor the building’s history, right down to the crab grass growing between the busted-up asphalt in the parking lot and the red paint (we hope)  splattered on the sales office’s window.

Built in 1925, the Tanner Factory manufactured many of America’s shoes and leather aprons, and was briefly mentioned in the PBS documentary series “Indentured Servitude: America’s Nightmare.” Since 1945, when the factory was closed due to near-infinite (you may wonder if “near-infinite” makes any sense; in this case it does)  child labor law violations, the building has gone through many changes. In 1980 it was reopened as a Very Young Peoples’ Labor Museum, but due to lack of interest, and depression among the curators, it was shut down. In 1995 it was turned into a DJ club called “Hell Hole” for three weeks until everyone realized industrial dance music was awful. It was renamed “H. H.” and made into a family restaurant, but the economic collapse of 2008 crippled business and it has since been left vacant. 

A shrewd investment firm (Shrewd Investments L.L.C.) bought the property last year for $700, and hired out-of-work contractors to transform the sweat shop/dance club/restaurant into 490 individual condominium apartments.  Each unit has one bedroom, one bathroom, a kitchenette, a closet-ette, two eclectic outlets, and 1.5 windows. (Each unit shares half a window with the adjacent unit.) The bathroom becomes a second bedroom or den simply by laying down a few towels and a pillow (pillow included in asking price). Units with a view of the power plant start at $200,000. Units with views of the hallway start at $180,000. And units with views of the factory’s historic boiler system start at $100,000.

Pets are welcome. In fact, they are encouraged because no matter what the maintenance staff — Chuck, who comes in on Wednesdays 3-5 PM — does, there’s a constant influx of fist-sized vermin of an as-yet-unnamed mutated rodent species.

There is no doorman, but Julie Diaz’s eight-year-old son Javier hangs out in the lobby all the time and loves to push the door buzzer. So … there ya go.

 Tanner Factory Apartments are conveniently located on highway 78, just a nine hour drive from downtown Manhattan, and a day and half away from Boston. It’s also located eight blocks away from the shopping district and a safe two blocks away from the Crips Territory. Given the state of the buses and their passengers, it’s lucky that there’s no bus access nearby.  Should you require transportation, surely something can be worked out with one of the other residents. I know Mr. Lewis, the purblind octogenarian in Unit #49, has a car. Better yet, have you considered working from home? 

Units are still available.  For more information, contact Jeff Howard of UpStart Housing Real-Estate. “We Hope That Elegance May Someday Be Our Middle Name.” 

Dan Bergstein calls the knight in chess “Mr. Horsey.”