June Weddings — III

By Daniel Menaker

(After the New York Times)
 
                                          Meghan Mallory
                                      Muhammar Qaddafi
 
Megan Mallory of Syosset, Long Island,  and Colonel Muhammar Qadaffi, of Libya,  are to be married this weekend in the Mosque of the Five Djinns in Syosset.  Ms. Mallory, who swears she will be 18 by the end of this announcement, is the daughter of James Mallory, also of Syosset, a trader in radioactive elements known in Russia and the Middle East as “Strontium Jimmy.” Her mother, who has remarried, is Ethel Nitrate, yet again of Syosset,  a formerly retired retirement counselor. The bride is a graduate of the Ortiz School of Spot Welding and works as a clanger at Test Your Metal, Inc.

The couple met during their appearance on the reality TV show “Beauty and the Petty Tyrant.” According to Ms. Mallory, she picked Colonel Qadaffi out from among the other sheiks and martinets “because of that black pillbox situation on his head.”  She added, “I was also turned on by the ‘Q’ without a ‘u’. That takes real courage.” Ms. Mallory welded the couple’s wedding rings out of international plug prongs.  She said, “I did it as a symbol of’–” and here she blushed.

Qaddafi, 67 years old, was born in a Bedouin family near Sirt. Although this claim is not proven, there is speculation that his biological father was Al Jolson, whose passport shows a Lebanese stamp  dated 1941.  

Colonel Qaddafi categorically denies that his interest in Ms. Mallory has anything to do with her father’s access to enriched uranium, even though he has said that he was attracted to her by “a certain glow.” 

His previous marriage ended in a draw.

Daniel Menaker is the Editor of Grin & Tonic.

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