Let’s say you’re trying to write a funny piece and you get stuck after the first sentence — “Let’s say you’re trying to write a funny piece and you get stuck after the first sentence.” Well, like me, you may be suffering from humor deficit disorder, or HDD, also known as joke block (JB), guy goes into a bar syndrome (GGIABS), and it’s due in an hour! disease (IDIAH!D). Many comic writers have suffered from this disorder and frantically come up with bad premises (BPs), also known as worthless concepts (WCs). Like, “What if Bill Gates fell in love with Peter Dinklage?” And “Additional fees for paying additional fees! There’s something there.” And “It’s the year 2028 and commas are extinct.” And “I know! The Rose Garden actually begins to rise.” God help them, they may even try to make something out of (WCs).
Well, the researchers at Lafactory Pharmaceuticals have finally come up with a treatment for this disorder. It’s a pill you take half an hour before you begin to write, and it’s called LaffAble. I took it half an hour ago, and you can see the results for yourself—my HDD is gone completely and clearly I am on fire (OF). Good concepts (GPs) like this one have flooded my brain, and it was hard to settle on one. Now that I have settled, the piece seems to be writing itself. In fact I just got up from my computer and returned to find that this very sentence had appeared out of nowhere. I’m going to get up again. Now I’m back, and it worked again.
There are some advisories about and possible side effects of LaffAble that you should be aware of. Do not drive for twelve hours after taking LaffAble. Drive for fifteen! If you are living in a democracy, call a doctor for any election lasting more than four days (AELMTFD). You may find it difficult to keep a straight face, so keep a gay one. Bwaaaahaaahahaa (B). If someone says that the plankton count is depressed near the coast, try hard not reply “It’s probably going to krill itself.” Just try. Uncontrollable Tweeting has been reported—by me, just now. Do not discontinue LaffAble unless you decide to call your Twitter Feed “Fitter Tweed.” If you are a man and are trying to become pregnant, you need help of a different kind.
LaffAble is not addictive but can cause dependency. If the difference escapes you as it escapes me, let’s form a posse and track that sucker down! Finally, do not expect LaffAble to help with the ending of your humor piece.
Daniel Menaker is the Editor of Grin & Tonic. His memoir, My Mistake, will be published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt next fall.