November 30: MarkTwain was born on this day in 1835. Based on a convergence of Twainanniversaries in 2010—his 175th birthday, the 100thanniversary of his death, the 125th anniversary of the publicationof Huckleberry Finn (U.S. edition)—somecampaigned to have President Obama designate this “The Year of MarkTwain.” As this did not happen, perhaps the author’s seventieth birthdaybash, held on this day in 1905 at New York’s Delmonico’s Restaurant, will standas the high water mark in Twain birthday celebrations.
One hundred and seventy-five of Twain’s distinguishedfriends were there, to HEAR WHY HE LIVED SO LONG (the headline in the New York Times report of the occasion), and to take home a foot-high plasterbust of the author. In his speech, Twain attributed his health and longevity toseveral hard-earned (and oft-repeated) principles—”to go to bed when therewasn’t anybody left to sit up with,” and “never to smoke when asleep,and never to refrain when awake”—and to his morality, as carefullycultivated as his taste for scotch:
Morals are an acquirement—like music, like a foreignlanguage, like piety, poker, paralysis—no man is born with them. I wasn’tmyself, I started poor. I hadn’t a single moral. There is hardly a man in thishouse that is poorer than I was then. Yes, I started like that—the world beforeme, not a moral in the slot. Not even an insurance moral. I can remember thefirst one I ever got…. It was an old moral, an old second-hand moral, all outof repair, and didn’t fit, anyway. But if you are careful with a thing likethat, and keep it in a dry place, and save it for processions, and Chautauquas,and World’s Fairs, and so on, and disinfect it now and then, and give it afresh coat of whitewash once in a while, you will be surprised to see how wellshe will last and how long she will keep sweet, or at least inoffensive….
Twain then takes aim at two of his favorite targets, Yankeeimperialists and Christian missionaries, two groups which, he liked to suggest,never acquired a taste for morality.
Daybook is contributed by Steve King, who teaches in the English Department of Memorial University in St. John’s, Newfoundland. His literary daybook began as a radio series syndicated nationally in Canada. He can be found online at todayinliterature.com.