Monster Mash-Ups

“No classic title is safe from the onslaught of literary mash-ups.”

Upton Sinclair’s Texas Chainsaw Jungle

Synopsis: A muckraking reporter goes undercover in the brutal Dallas stockyards, hoping to expose unsafe working conditions. He gets more than he bargains for when he stumbles across an inbred Lithuanian family of slaughterhouse workers/cannibals. They’re secretly supplementing their diet with abattoir foremen, government inspectors, and the occasional hobo.  Will he survive—and what will be left of him?

Back Cover Blurbs: “A meaty book! I devoured every page!”   “Stomach churning, yet strangely satisfying.”

Marketing Tie-Ins: McDonalds happy meals, including  the cutest little toy meat hooks, chainsaws, and leather face masks.

Major Themes: Man’s inhumanity to man. Man’s tastiness to man. Lunch.

Franz Kafka’s The Fly’s Metamorphosis

Synopsis: Neurotic scientist Gregor Brundle lives at home with his dysfunctional family in their old, dark house. His only source of entertainment is playing with his matter transmitter in his bedroom. One day something goes horribly wrong and he winds up with the giant head of a fly. His parents are offended by his new appearance and order him to stay in his room. Even his beloved sister Grete, with whom he has an unhealthy attachment, declares him “icky.”  Realizing he is unloved, he crushes his own dipteran dome with a rock, thereby relieving his family of the terrible burden of his existence. 
      Back Cover Blurbs:   “You’ll lose your head over this book.” “A fly on the wall to the antechamber of hell.”

Marketing Tie-Ins: Look for the exciting movie adaptation, directed by David Cronenberg, and starring the incomparable Tobey  Maguire!  Tobey’s already got the wall-crawling down pat.

Major Themes: Man’s inhumanity to man. Family’s inhumanity to family. The difficulties of buying shirts that fit when you have the giant head of a fly.

Tennessee William’s Night Of The Living Dead Iguana

Synopsis: While on vacation in Mexico, a priest encounters unspeakable evil: three beautiful undead women with lively libidos—jailbait Charlotte,  cougar-on-the-prowl Maxine, and kinky “artistic type” Hannah. They’ve  sold their souls to Quetzalcoatl, the Aztec iguana god, in exchange for immortality. All Quetzalcoatl demands in return is an all-too-human sacrifice. Will the priest survive with his vows, his soul, and his person intact, or will he be devoured by these ravenous women? He barricades himself in his hotel room and douses himself with (cold) holy water, but how long until he succumbs to these sexy succubi?

Back Cover Blurbs: “Food for the soul and the body!” “The spirit is willing…and so is the flesh!”

Marketing Tie-ins:  Club Hedonism Cancun, Hornitos tequila, Taco Bell iguana tacos.

Major Themes: Man’s spiritual malaise. Woman’s sexual voracity. Leapin’ lizards.

Robert Brenner’s work has appeared in New York magazine, Open Salon, and Happy. He lives in New York City with his wife.