Net Works

By Sean Adams

“David Fincher’s ‘The Social Network’ will kick off the 48th Annual New York Film Festival with its World Premiere on September 24, making it the first time anyone will have a chance to see what the director has done with the story of Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.”–ComingSoon.net

And we here at ComingALittleLater.net are pleased to give you some sneak previews of future social-network cinema events.      
 
 
“The Bird and the Book”

 
Plot: Ryan Jillaney, a young man living in Minneapolis, decides to synch his Twitter account with his Facebook status updates “to make it easier” for himself. However, as his Friends and Followers begin to comment and @ him on two different social platforms and then comment and @ on their own and each other’s comments and @s, he realizes that far from simplifying his life, he has created social-network meta-complexities never before dreamed of. Can he keep his sanity, or will it be too much to handle?
 
Tagline: What would you do if you had to be in infinite cyber-places at once?
 
 
“Family Friends”
 
Plot: Lisa Cheng, an undergrad at the University of Iowa, has it all figured out. She heads the hottest sorority on campus, dates the captain of basketball team, and manages to party hard while maintaining a 4.0 GPA. But then, one fateful day, her perfect life goes sour when she receives a friend request from her boisterous, obnoxious Aunt Lynn. Lisa must decide: Does she deny the friend request, making for some awkward moments at Thanksgiving, or accept and suffer the annoying wall posts about sciatica and trouble with the hydrangeas and possibly embarrassing image tagging, such as Aunt Lynn’s prize roosters and her weekly bridge parties?
 
Tagline: She loves her family, but does she “like” them?
 
 
“Scratching Post”
 
Plot: Amy Griggs, an actor trying to get her feet wet in the New York theater scene, wakes up one morning with the most original and hilarious idea ever – she’s going to make a Facebook profile for her cat, Hal. But then 536 of Amy’s friends post a happy birthday message to Hal’s wall after having overlooked her own birthday just the week before. Amy must reassess all of her relationships and post new and unbecoming pictures of Hal using his litter box.

Tagline: From tearing up her couch to tearing up her social life.

 
“Relation Status: Confused”
 
Plot: Gregory Smithson, a sales associate at Blockbuster, has just met Anne, the girl of his dreams. She’s smart, funny, drop-dead gorgeous, and totally into him… or so it seems. But when she accepts his Friend Request, his world is turned upside down. Because under “relationship status,” she appears to be married to her best friend, Jill. Is she married to her or just “married” to her–the way some girls are on Facebook? You know. Things get even worse when he finds in Amy’s photo album titled “Fry-Day Nite!!!” a picture of her hanging all over a guy with spiked, gelled hair; the caption says “Me and my Bro, Jim.” Gregory is completely confused.  Is Amy married to a woman, having an incestuous relationship, or what? And who is this Ryan Jillaney, who has suddenly posted 127 Comments on Greg’s page? 
 
Tagline: A very imperfect union.   

Sean Adams lives in the Midwest.  His humor has been featured on McSweeney’s Internet Tendency and Dislocate.org, where he writes a column as Landrew Kentmore.