Viewer Caution Advised

I write today, during Oscar Season,  not only as a licensed psychotherapist but as an avid lover of film. There’s a motion picture in theaters right now that many say has changed the way we experience movies.  Based on the reactions of many of my patients who have seen it, this movie has not only revolutionized the medium but it also has a lingering effect on the viewer long after the lights come up.  People who have seen this movie claim to feel palpable depression over the fact that the world they saw on the screen isn’t real, and they long to escape from their everyday reality and live in that beautiful, fantastical world they got to experience only for a handful of hours.  It’s an unprecedented phenomenon among moviegoers, and it’s a testament to the visual and emotional power of this movie.  I am of course speaking of “Sorority Panty Raid 2: The Revenge of Double D.” 

I’ve been trying to help my own patients try to process their emotions following a viewing of SPR2.  “It felt like a kind of utopia,” one patient told me, speaking of the otherworldly Cleland College campus of SPR2 as “a place where hidden shower cams go undetected and a local orphanage can be saved from evil developers with nothing more than a jello wrestling contest. Where a dean who comes out against partying gets what’s coming to him.  Then I look at my world, and there’s not a single shower cam in sight.  In the real world, the orphanage would have been allowed to close, and the dean would probably be rewarded for expelling Booter.”

“I just keep reliving the Tabasco condom scene,” another patient confessed.  “I’d like to believe that if I ran naked through a bingo hall while wearing a condom full of Tabasco sauce, all the old ladies would get up and dance and shout hilarious old lady come-ons at me, but they’d probably just call the police, wouldn’t they?  Wouldn’t they?”

“It’s like the director had a dream of a world,” said another patient.  “And his dream was built from the dreams we all share.  Who among us has never dreamed of wet tee-shirt car wash gone deliciously bonkers?”

While it can be difficult to return to the mundane responsibilities of our lives after having been carried off to the digitally created, perfectly landscaped college campus of SPR2, I would suggest that it’s important to view the world of Cleland College not in contrast to our world but more as a model for how to live–an aspiration, a prayer that with a little effort we too can live in a world of trampolines made out of bras, where a graduation ceremony can turn into a celebration of wild frivolity with nothing more than the introduction of a single uncooked hot dog and several tanker trucks full of mayonnaise.

I say let’s try to build the world of “Sorority Panty Raid 2” out of the world in which we live.  If we don’t, many more of us could end up like another of my patients, who left the following message on my answering machine:

“I can’t do it anymore, doc.  I’m not meant to live this life.  I’m taking some pills and in a few hours will be enrolling as a freshman in the beautiful Cleland College in the sky.  Goodbye, Doc.  To quote the beautiful words of Double D, ‘Omega Pi Forever.  Booga booga booga, Wacka Wacka Wee!’ “

Bob Powers is the author of several humor books, including The Werewolf’s Guide To Life and Happy Cruelty Day. He lives in Brooklyn, NY.