Welcome to George and Cindy’s Divorce Proceedings Website!

By Teddy Wayne

                                              Welcome Page
 
     Hello, family, friends, and character witnesses!  On this webpage you’ll find information pertaining to the upcoming contested divorce of George Pollan (huskofhisformerself.com) and Cindy Pollan (youhavedestroyedmypassionforlife.com )  –nee Mazursky, which she will be returning to very soon, scheduled for Manhattan Family Court (divorcesRus.nyc. gov) on November 4th at 2pm.  We think New York City will be ironically beautiful then as the leaves change, symbolizing death and decay (entropy.com) and we finalize our lack of commitment to each other.
 
                                    How We Unraveled

                               (click for podcast version!)
 
Thumbnail of George’s side of the story: Since she gave birth to their second child, Cindy has stubbornly refused all forms of affection, physical and emotional, and become a self-centered horror.  For more, go to castrating.termagant.net.


Thumbnail of Cindy’s side of the story: Jealous that he had no talent for anything besides making money, which he’s not even that great at (click on Pollanportfolio.pathetic.us), George never supported my art.  He doesn’t want a wife but a mother-servant hybrid he can occasionally grope. For years I deliberately ignored his frequent affairs with bimbo co-workers, deluding myself that it was just a cliché (www.bn.com/John-Updike-Couples), but the last straw came when I found him in a compromising position with two of our 21-year-old babysitters.
 
                                    How We Proposed Divorce

                                     (click for Flickr photos!!)
 
On a sunny Saturday, while Cindy was staying with her mother in New Jersey to avoid contact with her husband, her friend Lorraine served papers to George on the grounds of adultery and cruel and inhuman treatment. They had never discussed the possibility of divorce before, and as Lorraine explains it, he was quickly reduced to tears (Google “George Pollan YouTube Boo-Hoo”).
 
                                    Registry (What We Are Seeking)
 
Cindy wants: Full custody; the apartment; the Hamptons house; alimony of $7,500 per month; George wants: Weekend visitation; the Lexus; alimony of $3,000 per month; the home entertainment center; his manhood back (Google “Robert Bly” and “Iron Man”).


Friends are encouraged to furnish divorce gifts following the proceedings; suggestions include (for George) The Beatles: Rock Band, which Cindy never let him get, and (for Cindy) spa gift certificates.  Five percent of the monetary value of all gifts will be donated to thepollankidscollegefunds.org.


                                    The Proceedings
 
The divorce will be presided over by the Honorable Gerald Matthews, who is himself on his third divorce. A Wikipedia stub indicates that the courthouse was built in 1975 and designed by Haines Lundberg Waehler; we think its black granite design is suited to the somber tone of the event.


                                    Divorce Parties


TBD. Starting next Monday, visit the catering company loveamongtheruins.com, which will be handling both events for the exes, for details.

Teddy Wayne’s debut novel, “Kapitoil,” will be published by Harper Perennial this April.