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Beyond Blame: Freeing Yourself from the Most Toxic Form of Emotional Bullsh*t

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  • Posted October 4, 2011

    This is a useful tool for developing positive interrelationships.

    Who has not felt, at one time or another, that they have been blamed unfairly? I doubt if anyone can say that they have never experienced the frustration of trying to explain to someone that it wasn't you, that you didn't do anything. Most of us have also blamed someone else, at times, when we think or know we are innocent, so therefore, they must be guilty. This book attempts to provide you with the tools to overcome the cycle of blame which destroys relationships. It teaches you how to express yourself in a non-confrontational way so your conversation doesn't escalate into a "he said, she said", kind of discussions. Why do we feel so afraid of being blamed? Why are we so often burdened with guilt even when we don't deserve it? Why do we operate by accusing each other of something in order to make us feel better or more powerful? The author attempts to answer these questions and provide a resource to be use when faced with a situation that deteriorates into "the blame game". The book is divided into subjects like marriage, workplace, parenting, dating, etc., so you can turn to the pages you need when necessary. Dr. Alasko hopes to teach the reader to aim for resolution and not retribution because blame shifts the focus from solving the problem into escalating it. If the reader can learn to express feelings of frustration in a positive way, without arousing anger, a respectful discussion will follow. It is the attempt to shift responsibility for something on to someone else that causes the problems in relationships. He instructs the reader in the use of Positive Accountability, which means acknowledging a mistake without having as a goal, to humiliate or punish someone else for it. If the discussion gets out of hand, leave the room and stay calm so the problem doesn't grow worse. He hopes the reader will come to terms with their Personal Limitations by recognizing what they are and dealing with them effectively so they don't control one's life. In short, the book is really about common sense. Think about the problem at hand before you react; think about what end result you want from your behavior, then act on it, without confrontation, always being aware of what you are capable of doing so that your expectations are realistic and positive. Let your mind, not your emotions, rule the day.

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