- Shopping Bag ( 0 items )
Posted March 27, 2014
Posted November 5, 2013
Good story, poor writing
The premis of this story was very good. The plot was interesting and the setting seemed right on. My biggest complaint is the dialog. It felt very stiff and unreal. In a fight, people would not be saying "if you will go that way, i will go the other way". Didnt flow well for me. Keep writing! Your ideas are wonderful. Just work on using everyday language instead of such formal speech patterns.
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