Customer Reviews for

Captain Bayley's Heir: A Tale of the Gold Fields of California

Average Rating 4.5
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Most Helpful Favorable Review

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Twoleg of the Clans~ Chapter 2 (Read, Rate and Revie Please :D!!)

I speed through the foliage, the only source of light coming from the full moon gazing lonlily from the empty sky. The forest was never known as a welcoming place, even in it's earliest days. Between poison ivy, venomous spiders, and it's other mysteries, it was a pla...
I speed through the foliage, the only source of light coming from the full moon gazing lonlily from the empty sky. The forest was never known as a welcoming place, even in it's earliest days. Between poison ivy, venomous spiders, and it's other mysteries, it was a place most people avoided. Branches groaned and swayed back and forth in the stiff breeze; shadows flitted across the ground, each one looking more threatening than the last. I can feel the person, no, THING, chasing me; the whoosing wind of barely missing claws against my back, hot, stinking breath scalding my neck.
A strange feeling makes me want to stop, but the animal pursuing me keeps me going. Finally, nerves make me give in. I press my heels onto the ground, skidding to a pause.
All in good time. I feel claws lightly graze my nose. Had I been going just a bit faster, or taken a longer time for me to realize there was something in front of me, I could have lost an eye- or worse.
While inhaling my sigh of relief, caterwauling makes me realize that there is more than one creature. Large, furry creatures with pointed ears and fluffly tails circle me like lions surrounding a antelope foal. I was cornered. I was cornered, by cats- but not your average house kitty. These cats were muscular, large, the biggest nearly surpassing my knees, with glinting amber eyes, long claws, sharp teeth, and the extreme need to kill.
I drew in a breath as I saw the cat I saw yesterday, the black cat with green eyes. Would they really kill me?
"Fuffil." The voice was scratchy and harsh, like acid slowly dissolving a rod of metal. The voice was many, yet it sounded like one. "Fuffil your destiny." The black cat leaped on me. As if that was a signal, the mass of cats swarmed on me. I screamed, but it was drowned out by a slice of a claw. The salty tang of blood filled my mouth, turning my plea for help, my last chance to be found, into a helpless gurgling. There was no way I could be saved now. I shut my eyes and prepared for death.
I jerked up, my clothes clinging onto my body from sweat. I felt my neck. No bite. It was all a dream.
No. It WASN'T just a dream. It was so… so vivid, so real, that it COULDN'T be just a dream, even if I wished it was. It had to be some sort… some sort of vision, a warning, or- if that was even possible- a blessing.
I was still thinking when the clanging of pans that it was morning.
My mother was staring at me through hostile, icy eyes, while her hazel gaze was normally soft and caring, even for people she didn't know that well. She didn't call me over to her, indicating that I didn't do anything wrong- or was too angry to speak with me. I quickly traced back to yesterday. I didn't remember doing anything bad, besides looking at that cat.
That cat. That cat in my dreams. Why my mother never talked of my father and didn't let me get a pet. Suddenly, I was sure, for some reason, cats were tied to the reason of how my father had died.
"Eat your breakfast," my mother snarled, yanking me out of my thoughts. I quickly sat down and ate my breakfast. With a shudder, I realized Tari was frowning at me too. 'What have I done to deserve this? I didn't know the cat was bad, I didn't even want that dream? Why are they shunning me?'
I ran back to my roon, leaving my breakfast, and sobbed into my pillow. My mother didn't come to comfort me, like she usually did.
Something is wrong.
Something is terribly, horribly wrong.

posted by 4053875 on August 1, 2012

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Most Helpful Critical Review

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

The auther

Why is a iit outside if camp. I give it four star out of five stars. Tell me why at pil first result..

posted by 9388652 on July 21, 2012

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 30, 2012

    Four stars

    Everything is good except for a lot of grammar issues like capitalizing names and appostraphies to show someone or something owning something else.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 2, 2012

    Three stars

    It was ok. I didn't like how you almost never said anything about any warriors. Almost all of them were kits and apprentices. Once you write the story, you should also go back and work on any miss spelling. You may also want to work on how they talk. On some places, they where talking with having any " in the begining and/or the end. Read a redwall or warriors book and nodiss how its writen. That may help. You could also try writing it on your computer. Because it should say if a words miss spelled or just done wrong. Please do make the second chapter. Hope i helped!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 25, 2012

    Mini warriors series book 1

    Violetkit stepped out of the nursery. Her brothers, woodenkit, mosskit and cornkit were still asleep. They werent even a moon old, with violetkit, the youngest of the kits, always exploring. Her friends bubblepaw and riverpaw were teacjing her battle moves.riverpaw was selecting a magpie from brightclans fresh kill pile. The clan seemed to have started over, riverpaw always said. They had a new clan leader, lilystar, after there old leader, skystar, lost her last life. They had new kits, and apprentices duskpaw and sunpaw moved on and became duskdawn and sunfur. There were new kits, willowkit and rainkit, about to join the apprentice den. Cornkit ran out of the nursery. He ran around violetkit. "Bubblepaw is ready to be awarrior!" Let all those cats older than 1 moon gather beneath the highock for a meeting. " bubblepaw." Lilystar began. " do you promise to protect your clan, even at the cost of your life?" " i do. Bubblepaw said in a voice full of confidence. You shall now be known as bubblewhisker. Bubblewhisker! Violetkit yelled. Will you still teach me moves? Whenever i can. Bubblewhisker purred. Violetkit wrnt back to the nursery. " bubblewhisker is a strong cat. She will serve our clan well." Poppydusk said. " i remember when she lost fernkit and dovekit as nursery mates. She and riverkit became friends then." Poor riverpaw. Bubblewhisker was always three moons older her time will come. Cornkit nudged woodenkit who woke up. " woodenkit, you missed it all! Violetkit sat, thinking, will i lead this clan one day? VOTE ONE STAR GOR HATE TWO FOR OK THREE FOR LIKED FOUR FOR ENJOYED FIVE FOR LOVRD

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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