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Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You

Average Rating 4
( 21 )
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Most Helpful Favorable Review

4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

Solving the Mystery

I have found this book to be invaluable in dealing with controlling people in my own life. As powerful as it was to have verbal abuse/control named and detailed in ¿The Verbally Abusive Relationship,¿ I find the current book even more life-altering. It finally answers e...
I have found this book to be invaluable in dealing with controlling people in my own life. As powerful as it was to have verbal abuse/control named and detailed in ¿The Verbally Abusive Relationship,¿ I find the current book even more life-altering. It finally answers every one of the baffling questions that I have experienced in relationships with controlling people. How can someone who claims to love me frequently attack me, devalue me, criticize me, treat me as if I don¿t exist, or accuse me of motives that have never been a part of who I am? Why does someone who used to treat me with sensitivity and respect now treat me with disdain and indifference? Why does any difference of opinion, no matter how mundane the topic, seem to escalate into a battle of wills when I don¿t even care about the subject that much? Why do periods of ¿good time¿ in the relationship collapse without warning into total conflict and disconnect (usually just when I was beginning to relax)? How can there even BE such good times when it can be so awful at other times? Why is it that the more I try to get through with love, the more brutally I am rebuffed and attacked? Amazingly, this book answers all of these questions, and any others that have left me confused and bewildered in my attempts to get through to a controlling/abusive person. It has always been obvious to me that such people are terribly unhappy, but now I am able to see more clearly the pain and fear with which they live. ¿Controlling People¿ has helped me in seeing the struggle of the controlling person with great sympathy, while also empowering me to keep myself safer in the presence of his/her controlling behavior. The book has also opened my eyes to things I have said and done which I never realized might feel controlling to someone else, but which now make perfect sense. As a result, I am now able to be healthier and more responsible in my behavior toward others. I would recommend this book as basic ¿life skills¿ reading to anyone, but especially to anyone in a relationship in which they frequently feel confused, hurt, and unseen, and just can¿t figure out why.

posted by Anonymous on September 12, 2002

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Most Helpful Critical Review

3 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

This should be titled The Opra man bashing book

My wife bought this book at the recommendation from a friend (who has not read it I may add) because she thinks I am controlling. When I opened it and read the first couple of pages I realized I was not the controller she was. As I read through more of the pages and ch...
My wife bought this book at the recommendation from a friend (who has not read it I may add) because she thinks I am controlling. When I opened it and read the first couple of pages I realized I was not the controller she was. As I read through more of the pages and chapters I came to a quick conclusion that most of the scenarios were about men controlling women. Another conclusion is that almost anything a man says to a women is considered controlling i.e. The women says 'I'm going out shopping with my girl friends' The man replies 'well what time will you be back' that is a controlling reply? I find it common courtesy that you would give a time frame on what time you would be back, hey there is always a phone if plans change... This book seems to put a lot of contempt in relationships. I must agree if you are in an abusive relationship you must get out from under the control. We need to remember that what seems to be controlling to some is really only because the fear the loss of a love one. When women go through changes in mid life they often feel trapped and tied down especially when the have a career, spouse and children. When they voice these things to there husband this will set off a course of fear in the husband and he will try to hold on to the love and family he once had. This should not be considered control I have not finished the book yet but from what I have read it seems to be dangerous to a marriage. I find my wife being harder in her commitment to push me away since she has been reading this book. If you want a good book try The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman ISBN: 0609805797.

posted by Anonymous on August 29, 2002

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    Posted October 23, 2011

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    Posted December 13, 2012

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