- Shopping Bag ( 0 items )
Posted April 5, 2013
This book is not helpful in restoring a hurting wife's heart aft
This book is not helpful in restoring a hurting wife's heart after sexual betrayal and does not offer Biblically sound advice . It offers a quick guide approach to just getting over it at best and does not promote authentic healing from sexual betrayal.
The male author (the primary voice) condemns wives for not being sexually available to their husbands 24/7 and quotes partial scripture to make his point that it is sinful for a wife to not completely give herself to her husband because her body belongs to him. He says that a man has no other place to turn to other than porn, masturbation, affairs, etc. if his wife is not sexually available to him whenever he wants--the author makes it sound as if it is the wife's fault that her husband has fallen into sexual sin and as if a man will die if he is denied sex. He fails to mention that scripture additionally says that a husband's body completely belongs to the wife which means that giving himself sexually to anything other than his wife is sinful--his sinful choice, not his wife's.
Sexual addiction goes much further than a wife having or not having sex with her husband. Most sexual addictions are ongoing and most probably began long before the marriage--it is an unhealthy coping mechanism which stems from very deep pain. A wife is not the cause of her husband's decisions and behaviors. We are all responsible for our own choices.
From personal experience, my husband's acting out had nothing to with me not offering sex. It was quite the opposite really--my husband did not want to have sex with me at all because he was incapable of being intimate with me (a real human) due to his ongoing addiction to pornography (virtual)--an addiction that began when he was 12. This was obviously very hurtful to me. But it is also obvious that his addiction began long before me, and because I was never "unavailable" to him, his acting out couldn’t possibly be my fault.
This book, written from the perspective of one man, assumes that every man stuggling with sexual addiction needs to have sex all the time--but in my case, and in many others, this is not true.
The Bible commands us all to practice self-control--period. A man recovering from sexual sin needs to learn that it IS possible to practice self control in the sexuality department.. After a painful, earth-shattering betrayal, a woman should be given adequate time to heal before she is expected to sexual with her husband again--when and if she is ready to move forward in that sense. This book suggests the opposite however, and I would NOT recommend this book for any woman who is trying to heal from sexual betrayal. This is a process that cannot be forced or rushed.
One book that I do recommend is "Shattered Vows: Hope and Healing for Women Who Have Been Sexually Betrayed" by Debra Laaser, and there is also a workbook that is meant for group work but offers practical steps to healing that is called "A L.i.f.e. Guide for Spouses" by Melissa Haas.
Healing from sexual betrayal is a very painful process, and only God can completely heal our hearts.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted May 19, 2011
No text was provided for this review.