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Posted June 23, 2013
I think the begining was boring and you should make it third person perspective or start the book of pf diffirenty istead of edressing the audiance start off like she was in the inspectors offaces and they are talking about stuff and if you want to put words like what you called earth put add it into your story like she or he could ask why is the planet not called earth anymore if you worked harder and put soom new stuff in i would read it i know how hard it is to write so i will give you three stars but please change soom things and i would love to contiue reading -- the ediotorWas this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 24, 2013
Posted June 22, 2013
Evolved Chapter One by Bree
*Note none of the names or events are related to anyone or anything*Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
My name is Avril Tannings, and I am a Legacy. What is a Legacy, you ask? Lets just ay Ive lived here for a while before the Domain was called Domain and instead was Earth. And before that, nothing. I have dark hair, gray eyes, and pale skin. I am the only Legacy. And everyone I know and love is dead because of me. Just because our government, the Prominence needs to study me.
"Thank you so much, ma'am," I say to the old lady who let me stay in her home. She gives me a toothy smile and hands me a bag of blue powder called trune. Trune will basically get rid of any DNA I leave on my missions. I pull the hood of my dark gray hoodie up and grab my brown leather knapsack with supplies and head out to the noisy, overcrowded streets of Darin, Prominence.
Instantly I see the Prominence guards at the end of the street, so I walk the other way, past a butcher that makes the animals see what happens to their own kind. When I reach a dead end, I climb on top of some crates and onto the flat, tin roofs of the buildings.
This is how I avoid the Prominence. Its been pretty effective since most people look left and right instead of up and down.
Hopping roof to roof, I meet the ens of roofs that leads to hilly grass parks, where a group of people are standing and the President of the Prominence holds another victim who he thinks is a Legacy. But thats impossible. Im the only Legacy, so I dont worry. But this time is different. The boy with him looks familiar.
The ringing in my ear tells me that my friend, Glenn Everfrost, an element elf is calling me.
Posted January 25, 2012
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