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He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

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Most Helpful Favorable Review

10 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

Funny

I loved this book and loved every minute reading this.

posted by Balina on August 18, 2011

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Most Helpful Critical Review

19 out of 28 people found this review helpful.

Not the place to turn for solid, deep, advice on dating or relationships

A friend of mine raved about this book, so in spite of the put-down sounding title (which I think also generalizes men, and women), I picked up a copy. And yes, was disappointed. The book focuses on excuses women make to convince themselves that men are 'into th...
A friend of mine raved about this book, so in spite of the put-down sounding title (which I think also generalizes men, and women), I picked up a copy. And yes, was disappointed. The book focuses on excuses women make to convince themselves that men are 'into them' when they're 'not.' First, I thought the points were obvious - for example, a man who doesn't call when he says he would. According to the book, if he doesn't, he's not into you. Second, there could be a multitude of reasons why that aren't related to how into you he is or isn't. But that being said, the reasons may not matter. For the more appropriate question in my view is 'How do you want to be treated in a relationship?' To instead ask whether or not 'he's into you' is to assume that he's finding you lacking in some way. Yes, the book says you're great, pretty, etc. but if the authors really believe that, then why all the repetition of the only reason a guy isn't acting like Prince Charming is that you don't interest him enough (with the token positive comment added on after all the negativity)? Perhaps the guy is unavailable for other reasons - past relationship bruises, his present level of emotional maturity and readiness to love, etc. To assume it's all about the woman, and whether he thinks she merits his attention is simplistic, and disempowering for women and men. Also, I don't think many women would want to be involved with or marry a man who treated her well only because he was 'into her' and had treated other women poorly because he wasn't into them. Not me anyway - only a man who treats all women and men well is worth it, in my book. This book doesn't match my personal experience either - of a couple of men who'd told me they'd been too nervous to ask me out for a very long time, of the male friends who'd told me they'd been so broken by their previous relationships that they feared getting into another one (and I witnessed their hesitation for years - and yes - the women they married did a lot of the work in the beginning), of the men I know who have told me that they often 'reject before being rejected' etc. So what's of value here? The hint that deciding what kind of relationship you want and seeking someone who treats you well (though hopefully because of who he is as a person, not his evaluation of you). But there are plenty of books out there written by people who possess and offer much deeper knowledge of relationships than the writers of this book, and who offer it in a way that is affirming, rather than negative. One title that goes to the heart of relationships in a positive and clear way is 'The New Couple,' by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee. A book written for men by a psychologist (also a man) but that I think many women would find very helpful is 'When Good Men Behave Badly' by David Wexler (yes, another cliche title - and possibly one that's off- putting to men[!] - but the content of the book is solid, deep and respectful of people. I've found it countless times more helpful than this one). On a more general level, Don Miguel Ruiz's books - 'The Four Agreements,' 'The Mastery of Love' and 'The Voice of Knowledge' are helpful reminders of all the 'stories' that are told in our culture (like those in this book) - and how they distort reality and how damaging they can be to our healthy and happy functioning. In questions of relationship, I think it's good to turn towards people who have knowledge (psychologists for example) and write with maturity in this area. The content of this particular book stays on the surface of the things, and I think is presented in a unnecessarily negative manner that puts women down. Not something I'd recommend to anyone, and I'm concerned about all the hype over this one - for I think it can steer women in an unhealthy direction, where we ask the wrong ques

posted by Anonymous on June 3, 2005

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 27, 2004

    Maybe not

    I think this can really clue women in, but it's a little too absolute about the simplicity of men. If I followed the advice in this book, I wouldn't be with my husband. We were friends for three years before getting together, even though I had wanted more from the start. He seemed unsure for a long time about the possibility of romance between us, and told me the classic 'I'm not ready to commit.' I did lay off, but still pined away for him. If I followed the advice in this book I would have had to let go far too early. Maybe my man is not as simple as the men in this book. He truly needed time. We eventually discovered a great love in each other, and when this happened, he was more commited to me, at first, than I to him. Enjoy the book, but don't let this book oversimplify men.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 27, 2014

    I read this book and it did help. I am still single so I blame n

    I read this book and it did help. I am still single so I blame no one but myself, circumstance, and location. Some of the negative responses I have read sound like some jaded women. I refer to the book every now and then to pull myself back to reality. I have pretty much given up on men at this point. I am 50 and think my ship has sailed. Fort Wayne Indiana is not place to be single and a blk woman. :-)

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  • Posted February 12, 2009

    Not Into Self Help - Hopeless Romantic

    This book is a no nonsense approach to understanding the "signs" men throw out. I have the pocket guide. Well let me just start by saying...I hated this book. <BR/><BR/>It just seems to make it sound like everything that these men out here are putting out is foolishness or some type of game. It maybe the hopeless romantic in me or the "cup is half full motto," either way I was not impressed. <BR/><BR/>I want relationships and love to be wonderful and fulfilling, reading this book did not give me hope that it is that way. I am not saying that the book was badly written. I am just saying that it was along the lines of self help and right now I WANT LOVE!!! <BR/><BR/>Now for those of you who are determined to read between all the lines, catch all the clues, decode every message this is the guide for you. I on the other hand want to be surprised and experience some of everything. That entails the good and the bad, because that is the only way that I will learn.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 10, 2005

    He's Just Not That into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

    This book is funny -- but it's the same story over and over. Too much of the same thing repeated in every story. Isn't there anything new or different? The writing is fun and familiar... but would be better with more variety.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 27, 2005

    Okay, but not great...

    As true as this book is, life is not that picture perfect. If all the women in the world followed Greg's instructions on relationships...there would be a lot of lonely/single people out there. But at the same time, there would also be a lot more wiser ones.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 24, 2004

    He's Just Not That into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

    I was incredibly entertained by this book and thank the authors for clueing me into how women are thinking. A great educator?

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 3, 2005

    Mediocre Information

    Overall I believe this book provided some insightful information concerning dating, but I disagree with a lot of the content. One of the main problems I have with the book is the fact that we, as women, are told to sit back and let the man come to us. OK, I know plenty of insecure men who are afraid to approach women, who do not want to smother a woman, etc.; therefore, they have a tendency NOT to call a woman even though they are extremely interested. I feel like in this day and age, women are allowed to be somewhat aggressive and call or email a man if she is interested in him, because, let's face it - sometimes you just have to put your cards on the table. Period. I think most decent, good men are not going to be as forward in the beginning of a relationship because they do not want to scare the woman off and because they are not certain what they want either. Relationships take time, simple as that. Another problem I have with this book is that I do not believe all men are sex-craved animals who will drop everything and come to 'do' you at the drop of a dime. I don't believe men are that different from women in the fact that many of us have hectic lives and it is not so simple sometimes to see the people you want to see when you want to see them. For example, if you are dating a man who has custody or shared custody of his young children, he is not going to be able to just come over anytime you want him to, regardless of how bad he wants to see you. He also may not be ready to introduce you into his children's lives by inviting you over to his place. There are too many circumstances in this lifetime to categorize all men as being a species whose lives revolve around sex and that nothing will stop them from having it, even if they are about to take their job as President the next morning. I do agree that there have to be limitations to what a woman will put up with in a relationship and if you do not set standards then you will likely get hurt. Look for early warning signs, check up on him from time-to-time to make sure he is not feeding you a crock of bull, and if you have a 'gut feeling,' react to it because most women have that intuition thing that cannot be explained. But most importantly, every woman needs to remember that we are far from perfect and men have to accept our bad habits too, so why should we just ban them from our lives for some simple task they did not accomplish to our liking? You have to take the bad with the good and if you tell every man you meet to hit the road for the one thing he does wrong on your list, you will likely never find a man. What if he did the same thing to you? You would feel like you were unfairly dismissed and that wouldn't be fair to you, right? Nobody's perfect!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 8, 2004

    He's Just Not That into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

    I am a sexy young professional woman and I just finished reading ¿He¿s Just Not That Into You.' First off they are brilliant. Secondly 'I'm just not into this book. The reason they are brilliant because the book is nothing more than a catchy catch phrase. It prays on the insecure. The authors try to encourage everyone to play games. It seems if as if the readers situation is not the exact same as their own personal situation, then it is simple ¿He¿s Just Not That Into You.¿ It really is about guys playing a game and insecure women needing validation. It really is sad. They say if a guy is not calling he is not on your mind. And they say all women are super foxes and unless a guy gives you 100% at all times. Then ¿He¿s Just Not That Into You.¿ If only life was that easy. Though entertained this book is nothing more than a catch phrase. It is teaching women that all guys are players. And that the relationship thing is nothing more than a game. It virtually prays the insecure to open their purse strings. If you are looking for some advice on relationships I would not reccomend this book. For a laugh and an understanding of the bar scene. Perhaps! Other than that I am sure there must be a book out there somewhere that is from the 'Real Guys' perspective. This just isn't it.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 4, 2004

    OVER 35?

    This book is written more for the 20 somethings that do not have families, mortgages, jobs, etc etc competing with their love life. Sometimes both parties can be so tired from dealing w/ kids, coworkers, etc etc that sex/phone calls/intimacy takes a back seat-just a fact of life dating in your late 30's and 40's. He may be into you, but just so tired some days that he'd rather just veg out. Actions speak louder than words sometimes!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 5, 2004

    Useful perspective

    The mere title of this book may be the most useful answer yet (at least in the realm of pop psychology) to a question that's been around since Dorothy Parker's day: 'Why doesn't he call?' To the psychologist who thinks the authors' perspective places men in a tough position: I disagree. To paraphrase Aristotle, virtue is often a mean between extremes. It's like Goldilocks and the bears' porridge: Is your man passionate, demanding, jealous, never lets you out of his sight? Too hot. Is he distant, unavailable, too busy to call you? Too cold. A man who's just right will be loving, warm, kind, respectful, and totally into you. (Such men do exist -- I married one!)

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 18, 2004

    It's one perspective...

    It's one perspective written by someone who is not a psychologist, not a doctor and not a relationship expert. He's a guy. Having said that...a large portion of what he writes is true. I think it's mostly true during the initial dating phase or for the first few months. Women should follow their gut and listen to the signs we are receiving. Parts of the book are lewd and unnecessary for the impact of the book. Would have liked to get more perspective from Liz too.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 12, 2004

    So Basically . . .

    There's a part of the book that has a Q & A and Greg clarify's some of the things that he's written throughout the book. There's one question that he answers that basically SUMS UP THE BOOK!!! Even if you still want to be with the guys who aren't into you you'll still feel bad about yourself with or without them - so it's better to just be patient because there is a bigger payoff at the end... DUH! Some of the stuff in the book makes sense --I will say it's a fun read ... However, after reading it I wish that I would've just waited for this in paperback...

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