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He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

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Most Helpful Favorable Review

10 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

Funny

I loved this book and loved every minute reading this.

posted by Balina on August 18, 2011

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Most Helpful Critical Review

18 out of 26 people found this review helpful.

Not the place to turn for solid, deep, advice on dating or relationships

A friend of mine raved about this book, so in spite of the put-down sounding title (which I think also generalizes men, and women), I picked up a copy. And yes, was disappointed. The book focuses on excuses women make to convince themselves that men are 'into th...
A friend of mine raved about this book, so in spite of the put-down sounding title (which I think also generalizes men, and women), I picked up a copy. And yes, was disappointed. The book focuses on excuses women make to convince themselves that men are 'into them' when they're 'not.' First, I thought the points were obvious - for example, a man who doesn't call when he says he would. According to the book, if he doesn't, he's not into you. Second, there could be a multitude of reasons why that aren't related to how into you he is or isn't. But that being said, the reasons may not matter. For the more appropriate question in my view is 'How do you want to be treated in a relationship?' To instead ask whether or not 'he's into you' is to assume that he's finding you lacking in some way. Yes, the book says you're great, pretty, etc. but if the authors really believe that, then why all the repetition of the only reason a guy isn't acting like Prince Charming is that you don't interest him enough (with the token positive comment added on after all the negativity)? Perhaps the guy is unavailable for other reasons - past relationship bruises, his present level of emotional maturity and readiness to love, etc. To assume it's all about the woman, and whether he thinks she merits his attention is simplistic, and disempowering for women and men. Also, I don't think many women would want to be involved with or marry a man who treated her well only because he was 'into her' and had treated other women poorly because he wasn't into them. Not me anyway - only a man who treats all women and men well is worth it, in my book. This book doesn't match my personal experience either - of a couple of men who'd told me they'd been too nervous to ask me out for a very long time, of the male friends who'd told me they'd been so broken by their previous relationships that they feared getting into another one (and I witnessed their hesitation for years - and yes - the women they married did a lot of the work in the beginning), of the men I know who have told me that they often 'reject before being rejected' etc. So what's of value here? The hint that deciding what kind of relationship you want and seeking someone who treats you well (though hopefully because of who he is as a person, not his evaluation of you). But there are plenty of books out there written by people who possess and offer much deeper knowledge of relationships than the writers of this book, and who offer it in a way that is affirming, rather than negative. One title that goes to the heart of relationships in a positive and clear way is 'The New Couple,' by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee. A book written for men by a psychologist (also a man) but that I think many women would find very helpful is 'When Good Men Behave Badly' by David Wexler (yes, another cliche title - and possibly one that's off- putting to men[!] - but the content of the book is solid, deep and respectful of people. I've found it countless times more helpful than this one). On a more general level, Don Miguel Ruiz's books - 'The Four Agreements,' 'The Mastery of Love' and 'The Voice of Knowledge' are helpful reminders of all the 'stories' that are told in our culture (like those in this book) - and how they distort reality and how damaging they can be to our healthy and happy functioning. In questions of relationship, I think it's good to turn towards people who have knowledge (psychologists for example) and write with maturity in this area. The content of this particular book stays on the surface of the things, and I think is presented in a unnecessarily negative manner that puts women down. Not something I'd recommend to anyone, and I'm concerned about all the hype over this one - for I think it can steer women in an unhealthy direction, where we ask the wrong ques

posted by Anonymous on June 3, 2005

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  • Posted August 18, 2011

    I Also Recommend:

    Funny

    I loved this book and loved every minute reading this.

    10 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 24, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    A must read for all women.

    This is a dating/relationship book that is truly enlightening. It's good stuff to know and shouldn't be overlooked. I hightly recommend it.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 10, 2009

    Great & Easy Read!

    I watched the movie first which prompted me to purchase the book. I read it in an evening. I could not put it down. A friend had told me the book would upset me due to the way it portrays women. Sorry friend, but the book is accurate. Ladies, we act as though we are questioning men's behaviors when what we really want is to not recognize them for what they are. They are clearly communicating to us. We just need to understand their language. This book teaches you "Manlish" so you can now understand. Read the book. It is empowering. Ladies, there is nothing more you can do and no more of a person you can be than who you are to convince a man to love you. Love yourself more!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 31, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Great Book!

    Its something that you know deep down is true, but you don't vocalize. You want to believe that you're the exception, but the truth is, guys are all the same: he's just not that into you. And this book has a witty, non-hurtful way of bringing that point home. Something that every independent female this day and age should read and laugh about.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 10, 2009

    An Eye Opening Experience

    This was a wonderful book. It truly opened my eyes to the kinds of men I don't want to be around. I love how the authors gave the male and female perspectives. What a great book!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 10, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    I want all my single friends to read this

    This book is very funny but its important and true also. I see it all the time with my single friends. They wonder why these men do these inconsiderate things and I never thought about it before but it is so TRUE. He's just not that into you! Why is it so obvious to everyone but the woman involved? Thank you so much for finally writing a book about it.

    3 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 15, 2006

    He's right, just listen and stop telling him what u know

    This book was recommended to me by a coworker who wanted me to read it so badly she even lent me her copy. I loved it and I didn't want to give it back! Now I'm purchasing my own copy and have been raving about it to many of my friends, single or not. And yes we know a lot of it is common sense, but some of us need to hear it anyway. One of my favorite things about reading this book were the '100% of men polled... were not too busy to pick up the phone...' because i could just picture the men answering honestly when they werent concerned about the girl they just werent that into hearing them. Another favorite irony about this book was how he (the one i've been in a long term on and off relationship with) would always call to tell me he missed me or couldnt wait to see me, whenever i picked up the book to remind me of how perfect things should be and used to be and how not perfect and inconsistant they are now. This book is an excellent guide to those in and in between 'relationships'!!!!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 29, 2011

    Possibly the book you need!

    I bought this book for someone else, but started to read it and realized i WAS being used! It changed my life. I read this book in one sitting and loved it.
    My guess is some women will still be in denial after reading this book, but they can't say they weren't warned.
    Thank you for writing this. I hope others will be bold and take this important advice.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 23, 2009

    I wanted to read the book before the movie came out. Book was better

    I think this is just a good book for all people to follow. Men and women. It had some very funny parts.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 17, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    mad cuz his just not that into you.

    I love this book its funny. and points out all the crap that women put up with. This book isnt gunna make a guy that is not intrested in you like you. its guna show you that sumthings wrong with you if your putting up with a guys crap. my momma always says a guy will only do to you what you allow. think about it.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 15, 2008

    I Also Recommend:

    Stop worrying about what a man is thinking . . .

    A must read for the needy woman who is desperate for a man. It's smart to understand how a man thinks. Thank you Greg for a hard-hitting (and highly entertaining) insightful read into the fickle thoughts and behavior of men. Now, stop worrying about what a man is thinking and take care of yourself because it is the confident woman (the one he has to work for) that wins a man's respect, love and devotion. Nancy Nichols author of Secrets of the Ultimate Husband Hunter: How to Attract Men, Enjoy Dating and Recognize the Love of Your Life

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 7, 2008

    I Also Recommend:

    Wake up and smell the...rejection...?

    This book is a tough one. It's got a really good message--when to move on when a guy is just not interested. However, it can make you face up to some issues you might be having, inadvertantely. I do recommend it because the message is one some of us need to hear, it's just hard. But then again, it's better than having egg on your face. All in all, a good book with a message that might be slightly unsettling. He's not into you, so move on. No biggie.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 23, 2007

    YOU, yes you need to read this book.

    You need to read this book if your in a relationship or not and you really need to read this book if your not sure of your relationship. This is not just for dating girls and we as women need to stop making excuses for our circumstances and listen to someone who has been on the other end - A MAN. I wish I would have read this when it first came out, I would have been saved a lot of unnecessary heartache!

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 18, 2014

    ?

    Truth

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  • Posted January 10, 2014

    more from this reviewer

    This book had great information

    This book really made me think about what was going on in my life. It really made me see how I was really being treated and was so obsessed over guys who were not giving me the time of day. It really made me think about what was going on around me and it allowed me to really see who I was while being quirky and funny while also not being too harsh on giving me the facts.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 11, 2013

    Loved the movie and love the book! I have read a few of the co

    Loved the movie and love the book! I have read a few of the comments bashing this book and I just don't get it. I have had my fair share of bad dates, as well as great ones! I don't think this book is in any way meant to be demeaning. It simply states that if a man is REALLY into you, there will be no question in your mind. No analysis of words, actions, texts, etc. You will just know! And it can go both ways, too. Many times, I have not been that into men and they have analyzed what I've said or texted to them. Men, in general, just aren't as talkative as women are. They don't all sit around with each other saying "Well, she said she'd call me this weekend, but I never heard from her? What do you think that means?" Men are not like women. Again, this is general and of course there are some men more in tune with the way women communicate. This book truly helped me out of a breakup, as well as see the light over many guys I have started off strong with then for no reason they stopped calling. I don't take offense to it. I now find peace and satisfaction in knowing it just was not meant to be. I am willing to wait for the man that will do anything and everything to make sure I don't get away. I have read a few of these comments about how we shouldn't let guys "off the hook" and should make them explain "why". Why would I want to question and "make" a man tell me why he doesn't want to be with me? If he doesn't, then so be it. There are plenty of other men out there who do! Great book, if you can handle the truth. Probably not a great book if you're still looking for that man who will sugar coat everything to avoid hurting your feelings.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 16, 2012

    All women must read!

    After reading this I learned quite a bit. Was very interesting to learn how men truely think. It taught me so much.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 7, 2012

    Must Read for all women!

    This is a GREAT book! It opened my eyes, and how us as women make all kinds of excuses for men. Love all the advice in it.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 23, 2012

    Suprising uplifting

    Doesnt bring you down as title would come off as

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 26, 2012

    On the mark

    I wish i had read this years ago Greg is totally on the mark and anyone who disagrees is either delusional or in the minority thanks for an interesting read

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