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He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

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Most Helpful Favorable Review

10 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

Funny

I loved this book and loved every minute reading this.

posted by Balina on August 18, 2011

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Most Helpful Critical Review

18 out of 26 people found this review helpful.

Not the place to turn for solid, deep, advice on dating or relationships

A friend of mine raved about this book, so in spite of the put-down sounding title (which I think also generalizes men, and women), I picked up a copy. And yes, was disappointed. The book focuses on excuses women make to convince themselves that men are 'into th...
A friend of mine raved about this book, so in spite of the put-down sounding title (which I think also generalizes men, and women), I picked up a copy. And yes, was disappointed. The book focuses on excuses women make to convince themselves that men are 'into them' when they're 'not.' First, I thought the points were obvious - for example, a man who doesn't call when he says he would. According to the book, if he doesn't, he's not into you. Second, there could be a multitude of reasons why that aren't related to how into you he is or isn't. But that being said, the reasons may not matter. For the more appropriate question in my view is 'How do you want to be treated in a relationship?' To instead ask whether or not 'he's into you' is to assume that he's finding you lacking in some way. Yes, the book says you're great, pretty, etc. but if the authors really believe that, then why all the repetition of the only reason a guy isn't acting like Prince Charming is that you don't interest him enough (with the token positive comment added on after all the negativity)? Perhaps the guy is unavailable for other reasons - past relationship bruises, his present level of emotional maturity and readiness to love, etc. To assume it's all about the woman, and whether he thinks she merits his attention is simplistic, and disempowering for women and men. Also, I don't think many women would want to be involved with or marry a man who treated her well only because he was 'into her' and had treated other women poorly because he wasn't into them. Not me anyway - only a man who treats all women and men well is worth it, in my book. This book doesn't match my personal experience either - of a couple of men who'd told me they'd been too nervous to ask me out for a very long time, of the male friends who'd told me they'd been so broken by their previous relationships that they feared getting into another one (and I witnessed their hesitation for years - and yes - the women they married did a lot of the work in the beginning), of the men I know who have told me that they often 'reject before being rejected' etc. So what's of value here? The hint that deciding what kind of relationship you want and seeking someone who treats you well (though hopefully because of who he is as a person, not his evaluation of you). But there are plenty of books out there written by people who possess and offer much deeper knowledge of relationships than the writers of this book, and who offer it in a way that is affirming, rather than negative. One title that goes to the heart of relationships in a positive and clear way is 'The New Couple,' by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee. A book written for men by a psychologist (also a man) but that I think many women would find very helpful is 'When Good Men Behave Badly' by David Wexler (yes, another cliche title - and possibly one that's off- putting to men[!] - but the content of the book is solid, deep and respectful of people. I've found it countless times more helpful than this one). On a more general level, Don Miguel Ruiz's books - 'The Four Agreements,' 'The Mastery of Love' and 'The Voice of Knowledge' are helpful reminders of all the 'stories' that are told in our culture (like those in this book) - and how they distort reality and how damaging they can be to our healthy and happy functioning. In questions of relationship, I think it's good to turn towards people who have knowledge (psychologists for example) and write with maturity in this area. The content of this particular book stays on the surface of the things, and I think is presented in a unnecessarily negative manner that puts women down. Not something I'd recommend to anyone, and I'm concerned about all the hype over this one - for I think it can steer women in an unhealthy direction, where we ask the wrong ques

posted by Anonymous on June 3, 2005

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 3, 2005

    Not the place to turn for solid, deep, advice on dating or relationships

    A friend of mine raved about this book, so in spite of the put-down sounding title (which I think also generalizes men, and women), I picked up a copy. And yes, was disappointed. The book focuses on excuses women make to convince themselves that men are 'into them' when they're 'not.' First, I thought the points were obvious - for example, a man who doesn't call when he says he would. According to the book, if he doesn't, he's not into you. Second, there could be a multitude of reasons why that aren't related to how into you he is or isn't. But that being said, the reasons may not matter. For the more appropriate question in my view is 'How do you want to be treated in a relationship?' To instead ask whether or not 'he's into you' is to assume that he's finding you lacking in some way. Yes, the book says you're great, pretty, etc. but if the authors really believe that, then why all the repetition of the only reason a guy isn't acting like Prince Charming is that you don't interest him enough (with the token positive comment added on after all the negativity)? Perhaps the guy is unavailable for other reasons - past relationship bruises, his present level of emotional maturity and readiness to love, etc. To assume it's all about the woman, and whether he thinks she merits his attention is simplistic, and disempowering for women and men. Also, I don't think many women would want to be involved with or marry a man who treated her well only because he was 'into her' and had treated other women poorly because he wasn't into them. Not me anyway - only a man who treats all women and men well is worth it, in my book. This book doesn't match my personal experience either - of a couple of men who'd told me they'd been too nervous to ask me out for a very long time, of the male friends who'd told me they'd been so broken by their previous relationships that they feared getting into another one (and I witnessed their hesitation for years - and yes - the women they married did a lot of the work in the beginning), of the men I know who have told me that they often 'reject before being rejected' etc. So what's of value here? The hint that deciding what kind of relationship you want and seeking someone who treats you well (though hopefully because of who he is as a person, not his evaluation of you). But there are plenty of books out there written by people who possess and offer much deeper knowledge of relationships than the writers of this book, and who offer it in a way that is affirming, rather than negative. One title that goes to the heart of relationships in a positive and clear way is 'The New Couple,' by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee. A book written for men by a psychologist (also a man) but that I think many women would find very helpful is 'When Good Men Behave Badly' by David Wexler (yes, another cliche title - and possibly one that's off- putting to men[!] - but the content of the book is solid, deep and respectful of people. I've found it countless times more helpful than this one). On a more general level, Don Miguel Ruiz's books - 'The Four Agreements,' 'The Mastery of Love' and 'The Voice of Knowledge' are helpful reminders of all the 'stories' that are told in our culture (like those in this book) - and how they distort reality and how damaging they can be to our healthy and happy functioning. In questions of relationship, I think it's good to turn towards people who have knowledge (psychologists for example) and write with maturity in this area. The content of this particular book stays on the surface of the things, and I think is presented in a unnecessarily negative manner that puts women down. Not something I'd recommend to anyone, and I'm concerned about all the hype over this one - for I think it can steer women in an unhealthy direction, where we ask the wrong ques

    18 out of 26 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted August 18, 2011

    I Also Recommend:

    Funny

    I loved this book and loved every minute reading this.

    10 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted November 1, 2008

    more from this reviewer

    Left a bad taste in my mouth and mind, please do not read this book.

    I'm not sure what a woman who finds this book inspirational needs more; better friends or to be drug into the middle of the street and shot to put her out of her misery and rid the gene pool of her stupidity! Some of the "helpful" chapters from this book include; "If he hasn't called you in weeks, he's just not that into you", "If he's screwing three other chicks, he's just not that into you", "If he's married to SOMEONE ELSE, he's just not that into you." Seriously, that's like telling someone that if you put your hand on the red glowing part of a stove, you'll get burnt...in other words, a NO BRAINER! Not only is the constant repetition of the title throughout the book annoying, but none of the content is exactly a big secret. It is not in anyway helpful to a woman's obviously already lacking self-esteem nor to her ponderings about her relationship or lack there of. Most disappointing and disturbing is the fact that a woman should have to slap down $15+ to have these obvious things explained to her.

    5 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 24, 2007

    You may not be just that into this book

    I was a frustrated dater when I picked up this book, and i ended up not finding what i was looking for in it, but that was just because my issues with men wasn't covered at all in this book. Whether you end up hating or loving the book, it does offer a nice excuse for women to continue to be picky. The main purpose, of women's over-analysis of men and also the way women make excuses for guys, truly points out that men are not as complex as women make them out to be. Even though it was hard to read or accept I found the book refreshing. The willingness to accept Greg's idea varies from person to person

    5 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 24, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    A must read for all women.

    This is a dating/relationship book that is truly enlightening. It's good stuff to know and shouldn't be overlooked. I hightly recommend it.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 10, 2009

    Great & Easy Read!

    I watched the movie first which prompted me to purchase the book. I read it in an evening. I could not put it down. A friend had told me the book would upset me due to the way it portrays women. Sorry friend, but the book is accurate. Ladies, we act as though we are questioning men's behaviors when what we really want is to not recognize them for what they are. They are clearly communicating to us. We just need to understand their language. This book teaches you "Manlish" so you can now understand. Read the book. It is empowering. Ladies, there is nothing more you can do and no more of a person you can be than who you are to convince a man to love you. Love yourself more!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 31, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Great Book!

    Its something that you know deep down is true, but you don't vocalize. You want to believe that you're the exception, but the truth is, guys are all the same: he's just not that into you. And this book has a witty, non-hurtful way of bringing that point home. Something that every independent female this day and age should read and laugh about.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 10, 2009

    An Eye Opening Experience

    This was a wonderful book. It truly opened my eyes to the kinds of men I don't want to be around. I love how the authors gave the male and female perspectives. What a great book!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 10, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    I want all my single friends to read this

    This book is very funny but its important and true also. I see it all the time with my single friends. They wonder why these men do these inconsiderate things and I never thought about it before but it is so TRUE. He's just not that into you! Why is it so obvious to everyone but the woman involved? Thank you so much for finally writing a book about it.

    3 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 15, 2006

    He's right, just listen and stop telling him what u know

    This book was recommended to me by a coworker who wanted me to read it so badly she even lent me her copy. I loved it and I didn't want to give it back! Now I'm purchasing my own copy and have been raving about it to many of my friends, single or not. And yes we know a lot of it is common sense, but some of us need to hear it anyway. One of my favorite things about reading this book were the '100% of men polled... were not too busy to pick up the phone...' because i could just picture the men answering honestly when they werent concerned about the girl they just werent that into hearing them. Another favorite irony about this book was how he (the one i've been in a long term on and off relationship with) would always call to tell me he missed me or couldnt wait to see me, whenever i picked up the book to remind me of how perfect things should be and used to be and how not perfect and inconsistant they are now. This book is an excellent guide to those in and in between 'relationships'!!!!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 28, 2006

    He's Just Not That into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

    This is the only book I ever,in my life, threw away without its being damaged somehow. The 'author' purports to be trying to empower women by saying they deserve better than what certain men give them. I don't dispute that women deserve better, but frankly this book just gives rotten, inconsiderate men an out!! If, after reading this book, a woman tosses out a guy who isn't 'that into her' by the book's standards, all she has done is let him off the hook for his crummy behavior. I'm surprised more women haven't commented on this. The book claims men would do anything rather than say something to a woman that he knows she doesn't want to hear. Well, maybe as women, we should start making them do the hard thing and talking to us, not letting them off the hook easily by saying, 'Oh, he just isn't into me.' Maybe he isn't, but make him say it!! We say it to them, right? So don't bother with this book unless what you really want is an excuse to let somebody get off easy, again!!

    3 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 27, 2004

    Maybe not

    I think this can really clue women in, but it's a little too absolute about the simplicity of men. If I followed the advice in this book, I wouldn't be with my husband. We were friends for three years before getting together, even though I had wanted more from the start. He seemed unsure for a long time about the possibility of romance between us, and told me the classic 'I'm not ready to commit.' I did lay off, but still pined away for him. If I followed the advice in this book I would have had to let go far too early. Maybe my man is not as simple as the men in this book. He truly needed time. We eventually discovered a great love in each other, and when this happened, he was more commited to me, at first, than I to him. Enjoy the book, but don't let this book oversimplify men.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 29, 2011

    Possibly the book you need!

    I bought this book for someone else, but started to read it and realized i WAS being used! It changed my life. I read this book in one sitting and loved it.
    My guess is some women will still be in denial after reading this book, but they can't say they weren't warned.
    Thank you for writing this. I hope others will be bold and take this important advice.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 17, 2009

    Basic knowledge that everyone knows

    I think there are so good points in the book. But basically I think that every women knows this stuff just doesn't want to admit it to herself. I didn't find it to helpful and will be passing the book off to someone else. Good, informative books I keep, have highlighted and marked off pages and buy new ones to give to my friends. This one, I am giving away to some teenager.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted March 17, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    a must read for women

    This is the stuff your father would have told you if he'd been able to articulate as well. I expect many women will want to argue the theories in the book, but a little honest self-analysis should show them the truth. We all get tired of waiting, but really, which is worse, being in a bad relationship or being alone and happy? I'll take the latter anyday!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 23, 2009

    I wanted to read the book before the movie came out. Book was better

    I think this is just a good book for all people to follow. Men and women. It had some very funny parts.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 18, 2009

    Good for a laugh!

    I was hoping for more of a story type novel but this was in the self help section of the bookstore. It was written in a question and answer format. I liked the book and wanted to read it before the movie came out. It is certainly insightful for all women, in any stage of life, in a humorious sort of way. Enjoyed the book overall.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 17, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    mad cuz his just not that into you.

    I love this book its funny. and points out all the crap that women put up with. This book isnt gunna make a guy that is not intrested in you like you. its guna show you that sumthings wrong with you if your putting up with a guys crap. my momma always says a guy will only do to you what you allow. think about it.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 12, 2006

    Not Into This Book

    Around January I saw this book at the store, going through a painful breakup, I had to buy it. After reading a few of the chapters I was completely disappointed. From the negative chapter titles to the even more negative summaries, this book is not a good read. It claims if a guy doesn't call you immediately after you call him, he's not into you. If he doesn't fall to the ground and kiss your feet after you meet him, he's not into you. It goes on in this way through the whole book. As women, we should have standards, but.. thinking of marrying a guy right after you meet him? that's a little much, don't you agree? If you want to read a book that MIGHT make you laugh and if you don't mind repetition, then by all means purchase this and enjoy!

    2 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 5, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    See the movie. Don't buy the book!

    I saw this movie, which was really great! But the book itself was not so great. As some of the other reviewers have said, it was kind of insulting to read, plus my friend said that she is divorced and she felt like this was only for young single girls. So I'm in my 30's which is why it probably didn't resonate with me. I think that if you're going to read this, you should check it out from the library or just borrow it from a friend.

    1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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