Customer Reviews for

How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To

Average Rating 4.5
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Sort by: Showing all of 13 review with 5 star rating   See All Ratings
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  • Posted August 24, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    The idea of having four different types of forgiveness was new to me. Also, the permission to consider NOT forgiving as the right choice was freeing.

    This book took what I knew about forgiveness and expanded my perspective tremendously. It describes four different types of forgiveness. It walks you through some scenarios and then the process of forgiveness for each type. The information allows you to make the choice of what type of forgiveness fits the situation and your personal intent/need with that incident or relationship.

    One important note is this author's perspective and most of the experiences in the book come from infidelity in a marriage. It's not the focus of this book but the examples tend to use that frame of reference.

    I found the chapter on earned forgiveness very enlightening. It clearly states the components of true forgiveness and the roles of both parties to reach that goal.

    It also explains how you can decide where you are in the process and helps to determine your goal. Sometimes the best choice is to not forgive and to walk away.

    I found this book to combine the concepts of working to save a relationship with the assistance to accept if that work will not produce true forgiveness and allow the relationship to continue.

    Also, it discusses what beliefs we may have based on our religious upbringing. There are Biblical quotes to illustrate where certain teachings on the topic of forgiveness may have started and how they have evolved throughout time.

    This is definitely one that I have kept for my bookshelf to read as my relationships change and as my own needs change in those relationships.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 5, 2009

    This is the book I wish I had known about years ago . . .

    This book will be extraordinarily helpful to anyone who has been deeply hurt in a relationship - but where the "offender" is unable or unwilling to be remorseful, make amends, and change behaviors.

    I loved the author's radical idea that there is an alternative to forgiveness - a way forward (which she calls "acceptance") which can result in wholeness for the betrayed person.

    This book is thorough, thoughtfully structured, detailed, and a model of clarity. I underscored passages and added in my own commentary throughout. Thank goodness I had my own copy!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 22, 2011

    Exceptionally Amazing and life changing

    This book is life changing. It causes you to look inward and look at the qualities about yourself that many of us are afraid to acknowledge. If you've ever been deeply hurt this book is for you. It gives you steps to find acceptance & forgiveness;and for those of who are atheist or agnostic like myself, this is the only book I found without the need for "God" to find forgiveness. This book will impact your life in ways you never imagined.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 11, 2007

    Incredible Read

    One of the questions that I struggled with after experiencing the infidelity of my husband was 'what did I do to cause him to do this?' and 'how could I forgive someone who was not remorseful?'. After reading this book, I realized that I didn't do anything to 'cause' my ex-husband to cheat and that it was possible to forgive my ex-husband even though he was unremorseful for his actions. Learning to forgive does not necessarily mean learning to forget.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 20, 2010

    Profound

    Everyone should read this book. If you have been hurt or hurt someone in any
    way, shape or form read this book. I reread certain paragraphs over and over and just was floored by the straight forward messages that help you understand forgivness.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 21, 2010

    When you need help after a betrayal, and there are no good answers, and it all hurts, look here.

    I cannot recommend this book strongly enough to anyone seeking peace after a betrayal. I have since recommended it to two friends when they couldn't make sense of their lives after a betrayal and they both have repeatedly thanked me for starting them on a path to recovery, happiness and wholeness again.

    IF YOU HAVE BETRAYED SOMEONE, READ THIS BOOK!

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