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I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!: A New Understanding of Mother-Daughter Conflict

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Sort by: Showing all of 8 Customer Reviews
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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 10, 2008

    to mothers from teen

    this book is ridiculous. Yes, teenagers can be crazy. but this book makes it seem like teen girls are merciless monsters who take pleasure in tormenting their mothers. This is absolutely untrue. mothers and daughters grow apart during teen years because of the generation gap. The daughter is beginning to come into her own, her personality, friends, and interests are changing. therefore the relationship between mothers and daughters cannot stay the same. Mothers never seem to understand this. They want there dear sweet little girls to stay that way forever. IT WONT HAPPEN. teens are not children or adults. What they need is neither a mother nor a friend. What they need is to be kept safe without being smothered by an overbearing 'momster'. yes its difficult. it is for everyone. But this book will not help you.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 6, 2011

    Very Helpful

    I thought that there were enough examples to help most parents some way. Many ideas on how to improve your relationship, some I have tried and they worked.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 22, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    If you have a daughter, this book is for you!!

    Book Review for I'm Not Mad, I Just Don't Love You
    Written by: Roni Cohen-Sandler and Michelle Silver


    How many of you feel totally lost when it comes to dealing with your teenage daughter? How about if she isn't even a teenager yet? That makes it even more frustrating, doesn't it? You would expect the rolled eyes, the fight over independence, and the "you don't know anything" attitude when they are over 13. But it seems they are starting younger.
    When I started reading this book, I couldn't put it down. Time and time again their examples would mimic what we had been through. But you know what? Instead of concentrating on what I should or shouldn't be doing as a parent, or how she should or shouldn't be acting, this book let me know it was perfectly normal for my child to act this way. This quote from the book: "To emphasize her independence and leave no doubt about her self-sufficiency, your own daughter may sometimes villainize you. It's not out of spite, but more to push you away and allow her to feel as if she were on her own. Ironically, just as she is demonstrating how grown-up she is, your daughter most resembles a two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum." Does this describe your child? Sometimes I felt so alienated from my daughter. How about this quote: "Just as your daughter is criticizing you for any and all faults, what she craves for herself is plenty of reassurance and unlimited support." This book shows you that your child is just figuring out who she is and since she is so comfortable at home and with you, she can "try on" different attitudes until she finds the one that fits her. "Deep down your daughter knows that your love, unlike that of her peers, is unconditional and everlasting. She realizes she can test the boundaries of expressing herself without diminishing the love you feel for her. You will not expel her from the family, cajole others to gang up on her, or worst of all, abandon her. By taking her feelings out on you, therefore, your daughter has the chance to express herself without becoming a pariah." This quote helped me the most. I finally realized even though she was acting like she didn't love me, she really did. She loves me a lot more than she even realizes at this point.
    So now don't you feel so much better? You are not alone in what you are dealing with and your child is normal. Still aggravating to no end on some days, but very normal!! I truly recommend this book to you. Now you can have a conversation with your daughter and not feel like you have to solve all her problems. You can sympathize with her but realize she doesn't want to hear that everyone feels that way, or how you dealt with it when you went through the very same thing. I do hear, however, that in just a little while she will want to know, but not right now. "When you discard the notion that you are the cause of your daughter's difficulties, you may be relieved of the burden of fixing them. You can then become more objective and free to offer your daughter much needed sympathy, support and encouragement." Until she does want to hear, hang in there, be the parent she needs you to be, to make her the person she needs to become on her own. And you know what? Along the way you will realize what a special person your daughter is.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 28, 2001

    Good book about mother/teen daughter relationships

    I think the book was good at painting scenerios that I think we have all experienced at one time or another with our teenage daughters - but I was hoping to find more advise than I got from the book. A few pointers here and there....but I expected more. Then again, in all fairness....I am a tough critic of books. I still say, the book is good and it was worth my time to read.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 18, 2000

    Every Mom needs one!!!

    Why isn't this required reading for Moms???? It should be. The perfect 'WOW, I'm not a freak' guide for these bizarre years. Get it before your daughter turns into the puberty monster.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 3, 2012

    To to mothers from teen

    I agree mpletely

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 19, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted September 8, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

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