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My Weird School #13: Mrs. Patty Is Batty!

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Chapter One

Mischief Night

My name is A.J. and I hate school.

Well, I have to tell the truth. There is one thing about school that I really love.

Dismissal! That's when we get to go home!

"Don't forget to wear your Halloween costumes tomorrow," Mrs. Patty cackled over the loudspeaker just before the three o'clock bell rang. "Halloween is my favorite holiday!"

She's not kidding. Mrs. Patty celebrates Halloween all year long. There are always cobwebs and spiders covering her desk. She wears earrings that look like little skeletons. And she always has candy in her office. Lots of candy.

I like Mrs. Patty. She's the secretary at Ella Mentry School. That means she sits in the front office all day and makes announcements over the loudspeaker. "Friday is pizza day!" she will say. Or "Miss Lazar, please mop up the throw up in the vomitorium." Or "Will the children who left their jackets in the playground please remove their clothes."

Being a school secretary is like being a DJ. That is a cool job.

I grabbed a piece of candy and ran out the front door of Ella Mentry School with my friends Ryan and Michael. Free at last!

"What should we do for mischief night tonight?" asked Ryan, who once ate a piece of the seat cushion on theschool bus.

"Let's T.P. somebody's house," said Michael, who never ties his shoes.

"Yeah!"

I don't know if you know this or not, but the night before Halloween is mischief night. That's the night you go out and do mischief, so it has the perfect name. And T.P. stands for toilet paper. On mischief night you go out and throw toilet paper all over people's trees. That's the first rule of being a kid.

"Whose house should we T.P.?" I asked.

"How about Miss Daisy's house?" Ryan suggested. (Miss Daisy is our teacher.)

"Nah," Michael said, "we'd get in big trouble."

"How about Mr. Klutz's house?" Ryan suggested. (Mr. Klutz is our principal.)

"Nah," Michael said, "we'd get in even bigger trouble."

Speaking of trouble, guess who ran by us at that very moment? It was the most annoying person in the history of the world, little Miss Perfect Andrea Young. She is in our class and has curly brown hair. She thinks she is so smart.

"What's the rush, Andrea?" asked Ryan.

"I have to finish my homework before ballet class," Andrea said.

"Why don't you do your homework after ballet class?" Michael asked.

"After ballet class I have soccer and my cooking class."

Andrea takes classes in everything. If they gave a class in going to the bathroom, she would take that class so she could get better at it. I hate her.

But seeing Andrea gave me the greatest idea in the history of the world. "Let's T.P. Andrea's house!" I told the guys.

"A.J., you're a genius!" said Ryan.

Continues...

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Excerpted from My Weird School #13: Mrs. Patty Is Batty! by Dan Gutman Copyright © 2006 by Dan Gutman. Excerpted by permission.
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