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No More Christian Nice Girl: When Just Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts You, Your Family, and Your Friends

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Sort by: Showing all of 9 review with 5 star rating   See All Ratings
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  • Posted July 25, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Be The Strong, Confident, and Caring Woman You Were Meant To Be!

    Tired of doing all you can for others while your relationships remain stuck in neutral or are headed in reverse? Paul Coughlin and psychologist Jennifer Degler show how being nice can harm you and drain the life out of your relationships. They explore the keys to fulfillment at home, work, church, and even in the bedroom. You'll discover that emulating the real Jesus is the key to transforming from a Christian Nice Girl into an authentic, powerful woman of loving faith.
    (excerpt from back cover).

    My Review:

    I actually loved this book, No More Christian Nice Girl, When Being Nice - Instead of Good - Hurts You, Your Family, and Your Friends, by Paul Coughlin and Jennifer Degler, because I can identify with your typical CNG or Christian Nice Girl.

    These are the types of women and girls who try to follow in the footsteps of Jesus but only the sweet and kind, Jesus steps. Not the mix of salty and sweet that is found in our favorite foods and snacks. We need a bit of both to balance our life and make sure we don't become the proverbial "doormat".

    There is a cute quiz at the beginning of the book to let you know if you have fallen into the character of CNG or are on your way to becoming one. Each chapter helps you to identify how you can find balance in those areas of still walking in the footsteps of Jesus but defining boundaries and borders instead of letting people walk all over you and saying nothing.

    Some of the chapters deal with friendships and families, how nice wrecks those relationships; dating, how nice attracts Mr. Wrong; Marriage, how nice messes up matrimony; sex, how nice steals your spice, and work, how nice cripples your career.

    After reading this book, I understand the mistakes I have been making along with so many other women I know who don't want to rock the boat, but have the feeling that we are taken advantage of instead of speaking up for ourselves. Thankfully in using some of these principles in my own personal life, I can rest assured I am not doing things God would be unhappy with but seeing me become the woman of God He truly had in mind for me all along.

    I received this book, compliments of Bethany House Publishers for my honest review and feel that every single girl and woman should read this. I would rate this book 5 stars for the benefit that we all need to become that woman of God we've always dreamed of becoming.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted November 26, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    No More Christian Nice Girl! Yay!

    The subtitle of No More Christian Nice Girl is: When just being nice - instead of good - hurts you, your family, and your friends. That is exactly what this book is about. The authors challenge Christian women to move from being Christian Nice Girls (CNGs) to being God's Good Women. What's the difference? The difference is that a CNG is a people-pleaser who thinks she is behaving like a nice Christian girl should act, but the truth is she is allowing unhealthy actions and situations to rule her life. God's good woman, on the other hand, reflects the 360 degree personality of Jesus and has the courage to take a stand. The authors present Jesus as standing for what he believed in, even if it was abrasive to some people. Best of all, the authors back up everything with Scripture so that one can go to the Bible and see exactly what it says. The book also offers practical advice on setting boundaries and dealing with friends, co-workers, husbands, and CNGs.

    It took me well over a month to read No More Christian Nice Girl because I read it as part of my daily devotions. A few sections a day was an extremely effective way for me to read it because it allowed everything to sink in and the repetition of reading about the same topic daily increased the impact of the lessons. I would recommend this book to women over the age of 18. I only give the age limit of 18 because there is a chapter about sex and boundaries which might not be appropriate for younger readers.

    I wish there had been more said about dealing with family. The family and friends chapter seemed to focus mainly on friends and I think family is one of the most difficult areas when it comes to setting boundaries and speaking the truth in love. I especially appreciated Appendix A of this book which lists all the times that Jesus was "not so nice" aka He set boundaries or said things that upset people. The questions at the end of each chapter were thought-provoking and helpful.

    Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Bethany House Publishers as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 11, 2010

    Excellent book for ALL women to read again and again!

    Do you feel like you're a nice girl but you have nothing to show for it? Do you feel like you just get trampled in relationships of all kinds? Do you feel like you try so hard to be nice to everyone only to have unfulfilling relationships with most everyone? You don't have to!!

    The premise of this book is stated in the subtitle: When just being nice - instead of good - hurts you, your family and your friends.

    We are taught, or at least think we are, that being nice is what is expected of us as Christians. Yet, is that really what Jesus taught? Is that really what God wants from us? The authors make the point that we need to be more like the 360-degree Jesus, who was salty and sweet, not just sweet all the time. The book covers several outside influences that have lead to this problem of CNG (Christian Nice Girls) and provides examples from the bible of God's Good Women that were not nice, but were definitely good.

    The authors do an excellent job of keeping what could be a heavy topic light and yet makes you pause and think about your life and how you behave in all types of situations. The book was easy to read and yet provided enough practical information that I'm still working through a lot of it in my own mind. It's a book that I could read every year or so and get something more out of it (or maybe just a few pointed reminders).

    Not only did it provide practical information, but it also provided scripture to back up it's points. The authors encourage you to read the bible for yourself and also seek out others who will help you on your road out of "Nice Girl City", which really helped their credibility.

    No matter your stage of life or whether you think you fall into this trap of being nice instead of good (I didn't think I did, but boy was I wrong!), this is an excellent read. Great to read by yourself, but it would also make an excellent study for a small group of women who are interested in growing their relationships with Jesus and with each other.

    I received this book free from Bethany House Publishers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 26, 2010

    What A Book!!!

    No More Christian Nice Girl
    When just being nice,
    instead of good, hurts you,
    your family and your friends

    By:
    Paul Coughlin & Jennifer D, Degler, PhD


    Have you ever felt like you do things for people, not because you want to, or have the time, but because you feel it is expected of you? Then this is the book for you. It is broken down into 10 chapters, which have questions which you answer True or False, and also has things you can do to help change your attitude.

    I know it is one I needed to read and I need to keep it and reread it, whenever I begin to feel that it is 'my duty' to take care of others first, and put myself last. I've been doing it all my life, and now is the time that I'm changing, and this book is going to help me do it.

    I received a free copy of this book from Bethany House to read and review. I received no other compensation for my review, and all opinions expressed here are my own. I am not required to write a positive review.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 7, 2010

    Inspiring and life-changing book about being a true Christian woman

    No More Christian Nice Girl by Paul Coughlin & Jennifer D. Degler is the companion volume to No More Christian Nice Guy for men. Christian girls and women are raised to always be kind, quiet, and modest. There is an expectation that they never show anger or strong emotion, because they are supposed to be perfect. The authors explain that the perfect woman is occasionally angry, and that while we are to model our lives on Jesus', he wasn't always nice. Jesus was often angry and spoke harsh words to people, but only when they had it coming. Coughlin and Degler use Jesus' life on earth as their model for women to speak up for themselves, stop swallowing their angry and avoiding conflict and becoming doormats. I read a lot of devotionals over the course of a year, and while they are often encouraging, it is the rare book that actually inspires me to begin changing me life AND leaves a lasting impact long after I've finished reading it. Just like many Christian women, I have kept quiet when my feelings were hurt, took on co-worker's workloads to "help" out, said yes when I really meant no, and allowed people to walk all over me in order to avoid hurting someone's feelings, all because I wanted to be a good Christian woman. What I discovered in this book is that I haven't been a good Christian woman at all. A good Christian woman allows others to take responsibility for their own actions and addresses the issue when someone hurts them, even if it does create conflict. Jesus didn't avoid speaking the truth to the Pharisees to keep from hurting their feelings, and neither should we! A quiz is included that will help readers determine what areas of their life they are too nice in, and chapters are broken up into sections like work, family, marriage, and even sex for easy reference. It's written with a lightly humorous touch to keep it from becoming too heavy, and is endlessly encouraging. Since reading it, I've been making a lot of changes in my life in how I interact with people and I anticipate that will truly bring about long-term change. I also plan on passing it on to a few women in my life who I know need it just as much I as do!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 5, 2010

    A MUST READ FOR ALL WOMEN!

    This book is a must read for women! If you tired of always saying "yes" and would like to learn to say "no" without packing your bags for a guilt trip, then look no further than the pages of this book. The authors do a great job at illustrating that women have options far beyond being a "door mat" or just being mean. The book provides sound biblical and practical advise on how to speak the truth in love and create healthy boundaries to better balance your life. It is an easy read and one that will leave you feeling empowered to go and claim the abundant life God has for you!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 27, 2010

    Funny title, great Biblical principles.

    Today, we face the realities of a "social church" that seldom faces facts, acts in the sweetest way possible to "be a good witness," and likes sermons and ways that are soft, delicate and sweet, just because someone is Christian. As a result, many good-intentioned women end up trying to please everyone else but themselves, accomplishing nothing more than becoming a doormat for those who like abusing others. As a consequence, even the own identity is lost and life becomes a constant struggle, resulting in frustrated and broken relationships.

    This is the reality the authors say drove them to write this book. Both are experienced counselors, and it shows both, in their biblically-found advice and in their easy narration. Yes, you might find yourself soaring through the truths, jokes and challenges, while you learn that assertive, respectful and graceful words (somewhat surprising, but sincere) are more powerful than nice ones (those expected and wanted), even if this might result "offensive" to those who like to use women. It might be a challenge, but as the authors put it, confrontation will lead into intimacy and better relations.

    This book is very easy to read; the authors have a relaxed and straightforward way that invites the reader to go on. However, I found myself identified with some situations and had to take a pause and ponder about it before reading on, and this does not happen to me with any book, which is another fact I liked about this one. I even read some chapters twice.

    A great asset, at the end of each chapter, the authors include a series of questions that might be used for study in small groups or for personal reflection. They also invite the reader to go to certain verses in the Bible and study how the principle they expose is seen or applied in that specific portion. Another plus is Nicole, a fictional character that exemplifies the situations described in each chapter; by the end of the book, you can see her learning to be a different person, with authentic (not socially accepted) love for God, for herself and others. The best part of her process is that she gets closer to God and becomes a better witness of His love.

    I would not doubt in recommending this book. However, I must also include a word of caution: this is a very good book, so good that I have to add the reader must always have in mind that it is not the maximum authority on how to build a Christian character; that's what the Bible is for. I wonder - if Christians stepped up, studied the Bible and applied the teachings it includes, this book might not be needed and the authors be out of work!

    I received a complimentary copy of this book from Bethany House Publishers for review, but this does not bias my opinion on the book nor the authors.

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    Posted December 26, 2012

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    Posted March 24, 2013

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