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No More Perfect Kids: Love Your Kids for Who They Are

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  • Posted May 11, 2014

    ¿Children have no control over their ability. They do have contr

    “Children have no control over their ability. They do have control over how they use their ability – and that’s a matter of character” (Savage, Jill and Kathy Koch. No More Perfect Kids, pg. 206).

    I have been blessed to be a part of the launch team for Jill Savage and Kathy Koch’s new book, No More Perfect Kids. These ladies are phenomenal in their writing and encouragement to parents everywhere. This is not just a book for moms; it’s for anyone who parents children.

    I think it’s easy sometimes to forget that your children are little people with minds and emotions. We want the best for them, we want them to be so much more than we were, and in doing that, we can have very unrealistic expectations of them. This book answers questions of how to show our children that we love them, that they are important to us, and guiding them to find their purpose in life. Not only are the chapters honest and easy to understand, the appendix gives valuable and usable information that parents can use in practical ways. For example, there is a chapter called “Character Qualities to Develop in Your Children.” How helpful! It puts words to the thoughts and goals we have, but this book provides realistic ways to act.

    Obviously, Jill and Dr. Kathy have a heart for parents and kids, and it comes through in the material they’ve written so eloquently. This book does not make any accusations of parents’ mistakes in raising their children, but it does cause parents to think about the ways in which they engage with their children. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve made many parenting blunders, and I’m grateful to know that there’s a way to change and repair what might have been broken by my own hand.

    I wrote an email to Jill after reading No More Perfect Moms, and I was asked if she could use it for this book. I said yes, so my story is written, too. It was a tough time for me, but what healing came knowing I’m not alone.

    We all have parenting stories of not knowing what to do, but if you will read this book, I can say that if something starts to go awry, or you think, “I don’t know what to do in this situation,” the concepts written here just may come to the forefront of your mind and give you hope, too.

    I definitely recommend that all parents read this book cover to cover. It’s helpful, insightful, and encouraging.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 23, 2014

    All mommas, new or otherwise, should read this book. It's a grea

    All mommas, new or otherwise, should read this book. It's a great follow up to No More Perfect Moms. I learned so much about my self as a parent and about the precious babies I am given to raise. Jill and Kathy speak wisdom and truth from scripture to the hearts of mommas!

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  • Posted April 22, 2014

    Do you ever struggle with expectations for your kids? Are you lo

    Do you ever struggle with expectations for your kids? Are you looking to your kids to fulfill dreams in your own heart? Do you struggle with being a perfectionist? Chances are you may not even realize some of the expectations you have put on your children. I know I didn't before picking up this book. Social media, listening too closely to the voices of others, and our own misconceptions can stifle the growth of our children into who God created them to become.

    Most moms struggle with the gap between the imagined and the "real" child. Jill Savage and Kathy Koch attempt to teach moms to embrace who your children are rather than who you wish they were. Each chapter includes stories from real moms just like us who are learning and growing from their mistakes in the motherhood journey.

    How do we encourage our children when they do make mistakes? Savage and Koch offer practical ideas for offering grace to our children and showing them that they are not defined by their worst moments (a lesson perhaps most moms need to learn as well).
    After applying this loving acceptance, we can learn to help them with the process of change to live out all that they are in Christ.

    No More Perfect Kids concludes with an extensive appendix section including: age-appropriate tasks for your children of all ages, Bible verse prayers, a dictionary of character qualities you might be attempting to develop in your children, scriptural blessings you can pray over your children, and a children's reading list with character building books for all ages. There is also a leader's guide with questions. These questions are excellent reflection questions to expand on the book.

    Practical, engaging, and true to the everyday experience of moms, No More Perfect Kids helped me to realize the expectations I had unwittingly put on my children and showed me the reality of embracing the beauty and difficulties of parenting. It helped me see how Christ is using my children to mold and shape me as well as them. Highly recommended for all moms.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 18, 2014

    This book isn't just for parents..... it is for anyone that has

    This book isn't just for parents..... it is for anyone that has an influence in a kids life!


    As a new Mom, I am SO glad I read this book as it will help guide and groom me to make sure I am not setting unrealistic expectations for my kids. As I read the book, I couldn't help but think about how I interact with all kids, not only my own - my nieces, nephews, friends kids, etc.

    If you do one thing for yourself this year, it is to pick up this book and read it, but not only that apply it and constantly remind yourself of the ways to make sure we aren't expecting our kids to be perfec

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 28, 2014

    Recommended for every parent!

    It is such a great book to accompany No More Perfect Moms. Just likewe cant achieve perfection we need to stop expecting it from our children too. Get rid of the perfection infection today! Get the book and learn to love the children you have!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 24, 2014

    As a follow up to "No More Perfect Moms," "No Mor

    As a follow up to "No More Perfect Moms," "No More Perfect Kids," takes just one chapter and expands it to give you a
     wealth of knowledge on how to relate to your kids.  As a mom of young children, I found myself depositing lots of info
     in to my parenting bank to use now or at a later time.  The chapter on how the Perfect Infection (the need to be perfect
    and comparing yourself to others) collides with parenting was the best for me, explaining the difference between
    perfection and excellence.   A self-proclaimed perfectionist myself, this was especially challenging to me.  I want to
    know how to help my kids excel and do well, but not hold them up to an impossible standard.  Praise for Jill Savage
    and Dr. Kathy Koch for giving real life examples that we all can relate to, and for giving us the antidotes to provide our
    kids with the essential skills to be the man or woman God intended them to be.  

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  • Posted March 20, 2014

    With my oldest starting junior high this year, fears I didn't re

    With my oldest starting junior high this year, fears I didn't realize I had about my children in regard to their future have surfaced. The desires I have for my kids is clear. Unfortunately, as they get older, I find that my dreams often clash with their own. No More Perfect Kids reminds me that my children are in the process of becoming. “We would never tell people our child made a mistake trying to walk…it is more likely we would announce his every attempt… This is our attitude because we’re looking for progress, not perfection – for growth, not completion.” Just as it is silly to be disappointed that our child falls when (s)he is first attempting to walk, it is just as unreasonable to expect perfection as they learn and grow. Helping me to better line my expectations with reality, Jill and Dr. Koch equip me to better understand, love, praise, communicate with, and offer grace to my children. NMPK provides me with invaluable insight into God’s unique design for my kids. Thank God that not He is still in the process of growing my kids... and me as well! No More Perfect Kids is a must read!

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  • Posted March 17, 2014

    Modern American culture breeds parents who except perfect from t

    Modern American culture breeds parents who except perfect from their kids without ever knowing it. It wasn't until I read Savage's No More Perfect Moms that I even recognized my own perfectionist tendencies. And then I didn't know how to stop the cycle. I have some ideas now, some ability to stop my perfect expectations and redirect toward grace. When I have friends who become parents, I always recommend Shepherding a Child's Heart, but over time we forget those principles as our kids grow. The glory of discovering a natural talent or the fear of our children experiencing a heart ache we wish we could have avoided clouds them. This book would be an excellent follow up to Shepherding, giving practical, useful advice to help us reach the hearts the our children, not just their outward behavior. And best of all, the book is friendly, not preachy, and lets parents know that we all fail, that no child is perfect, and that we can always try again.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 16, 2014

    All though none of us want to admit it, we are all disappointed

    All though none of us want to admit it, we are all disappointed that we don’t have perfect children.  This book really gets at the root of that longing and gives real strategies to raise imperfect human beings.  

    I was raised in a household where I was expected to be perfect.  When I had children, I vowed that I wouldn't put the same pressures on my  them., but I have found it difficult to escape that cycle.  

    Full of examples from real moms, and insights  from a  psychologist ,  this book really showed me the “Perfection Infection” that  is present in my life.  Dr. Kathy and Ms. Savage ask us to not only look at our children, but how we were parented.  By coming to grips with my own struggles with perfectionism,  I can see how I’m pushing that same behavior onto my children.   

    This book tackles real issues that we all struggle with:  Is it OK to make mistakes, to be different?  Are we lovable even if we are not perfect?  Most importantly, this book is helping me to find my own identity as a person and as a parent, while helping my children develop healthy identities as well.  

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  • Posted March 14, 2014

    more from this reviewer

    My kids aren't perfect. I don't want them to be. I feel like the

    My kids aren't perfect. I don't want them to be. I feel like they learn from their mistakes and their failures. BUT sometimes my reaction is not what it needs to be to let them know that I don't expect perfection. "No More Perfect Kids" offers parents tons of awesome "techniques" for handling how they react to their children's mistakes and failures, how to let their kids no that being unique is okay, and to let their kids no how important they are to us. 




    As you go through the book you will notice there are "feeling words", character developments, and even age appropriate chore ideas. This book is a great resource for all ages. A great read for new parents or even the veteran parent who feels like giving up.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 14, 2014

    Before reading No More Perfect Kids I was sick of parenting book

    Before reading No More Perfect Kids I was sick of parenting books that just preach and don’t teach. Or parenting books that paint the picture of how life should be after a technique or philosophy is mastered leaving no room for incremental change. I chose this book because I heard Dr. Kathy Koch speak in person – and I HIGHLY respect her work. She and Jill Savage come together in this book to provide seamless help and hope for any caregiver of kids at any age. The voice is consistent and at times it reads more like a story than a teaching text, and the theory translates smoothly into everyday life. The biggest concept that was a game-changer for me was turning from Perfectionism to Excellence – the “how to” was simple and straightforward. I could start applying the life altering message of the book the same day! Thank you Dr. Kathy Koch and Jill Savage for your teamwork, example, and encouragement! 

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 13, 2014

    Did you read Jill Savage's last book, No More Perfect Moms? If s

    Did you read Jill Savage's last book, No More Perfect Moms? If so, you're familiar with the "perfection infection", a desire to appear like everything is perfect that invades our homes, lives, and parenting, instead of accepting and dealing with "real life" and difficult moments. This time, Jill's back with the help of Dr. Kathy Koch, focusing on how the perfection infection ruins parents' reality and acceptance of who God made our kids to be. Instead of perfection being our guide, the authors teach us how to achieve excellence instead of perfection in our parenting of our kids, foster their character and abilities through love and time, and help them find the purposes God created them to fulfill, cheering them on all the while.  And through all of it, the underlying theme is love for our kids for who they truly are, even when it's not what we expected. 




    This book is filled with general information on how to parent our children uniquely and in a loving but expecting style.  1 Corinthians 13, known as the "love chapter" in the Bible, is paraphrased beautifully from a parenting perspective.  Furthermore, the book is filled with practical tips on how to go about this sometimes daunting task.  My favorite part, though, are the additional helps given in the index - a list of feeling words to help our children put their feelings into words, a list of appropriate tasks by age, ways to pray for our children using Bible verses, and a list of character qualities to develop in our children.  These bonus materials wrap this book up perfectly with an action plan to carry out after the book is read. 

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 12, 2014

    It is wise advice to every parent to understand that there are n

    It is wise advice to every parent to understand that there are no perfect kids. It is a joyful reminder to love you children for who they are, even as you help them grow into all they can be. Jill Savage & Kathy Koch help parents untangle themselves from false expectations. "No More Perfect Kids" will help you put every fantasy aside and enjoy your kids now.

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  • Posted March 12, 2014

    I hesitated when I started this book because I am a mom with two

    I hesitated when I started this book because I am a mom with two special needs kids. I was afraid that I would feel like our family would be outside of any scenarios in the book. But I actually exchanged emails with Jill Savage and she shared some great words of encouragement with me. I said part of what is so hard for me is that we have no idea what to expect of our special kiddos, even the doctor's don't know. Here is what Jill had to say:

    I'm sure not knowing what to expect is huge. Sometimes the unknown is harder than the known...

    Keep focusing on what you DO know. Your children need love. They need limits. And they need you to be their cheerleader in life. Regardless of what they are capable of...they need those things without a doubt.

    Hang in there, girlfriend!
    Jill

    I am now partway through the book and I am so glad that I continued reading. There is much wisdom to be gleaned from this book. The combination of Jill Savage's real life stories and Kathy Koch's expertise really provide a great guide for reprogramming our minds to stop criticizing and embrace our imperfect children (and ourselves) just the way God made them. And there are so many helpful tips of ways that we can move forward loving and encouraging them to be themselves along the way.

    It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.
    -- Joyce Maynard

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 12, 2014

    This book is a great reminder that we need to love our kids for

    This book is a great reminder that we need to love our kids for who they are, not what we want them to be. We need to stop expecting perfection from ourselves as parents, or from our children. By doing so, we are not allowing anyone to live up to their full potential. God has a plan for all of us. Sometimes, we get in the way of His plans by trying to be something other than who/what he intended for us. The same is true for our children.




    We all have dreams for our children, we sometimes put pressure on them to live up to those dreams without taking into consideration (or appreciation of) who they really are. This can cause children to question many aspects of their lives and who they are. Some questions we or they may ask, make up several titles of the chapters in this book:




    * Do You Like Me?
    * Am I Important to You?
    * Is It Okay I'm Unique?
    * Who Am I?
    * Am I a Failure?
    * What's My Purpose?
    * Will You Help Me Change?




    Each of these questions (and many others) is discussed, and an "antidote" to the problem in question is suggested. It helps the reader understand him/herself better as a parent, and to understand their children in a new way.




    The end of the book has many great resources for parents, including:




    * Age appropriate activities and chores for children
    * How to pray for your children using Bible verses
    * Character qualities to develop in your children
    * Recommended reading for perfectly imperfect kids
    * Leader's guide (for leading study groups)




    I would recommend this book to anyone who has children, or plans to some day have children. It may even help you understand yourself a little!

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  • Posted March 12, 2014

    No More Perfect Kids - Love your kids for who they are is a book

    No More Perfect Kids - Love your kids for who they are is a book written for both moms and dads and I have to say has changed and challenged me as a parent.  God has given us the honor to parent our children and has given each of those children unique gifts and talents.  It is our role as parents to help discover and develop those abilities and not live out our own lives through our kids.




    This book is designed to help parents become successful parents, not perfect parents.  Jill describes how we all have imagined what our children will be, look like and do, even before they are born and sometimes we have issues knowing our real children because they aren't like what we had imagined they would be.  "When we can identify the unique design of each of our children, resisting the urge to compare them to ourselves, their siblings, or other children, we set them free to be all they are created to be" - wow, what Jill said smacked me right in the face - so very true, yet so hard to do!




    The nine chapters in the book give examples, topics, stories and antidotes to challenge the reader to evaluate their current parenting and gives us hope and tools to help us become better parents.  There are SO many topics covered in this book that spoke right to me heart - my book is highlighted, underlined and starred to refer back to different areas I need to work on and implement into my parenting.




    NMPK was written to challenge and encourage us as parents, but unlike so many other parenting books, I never felt defeated or discouraged like I was doing everything wrong, but rather it encouraged me and gave practical solutions to everyday issues.  Dr. Kathy and Jill take a great deal of time describing the Perfection Infection and give us ways to combat it and antidotes to help keep the Perfection Infection out of parenting, help us resist the urge to compare our kids to others, and help embrace who our kids really are.   I'm not going to tell you what the Perfection Infection is, but I encourage you to read the book to find out - you will not be disappointed!




    In addition to NMPK, there is NMPK Plus at the end of the book which includes amazing resources including:




    Character Qualities to Develop in your children
    Scriptural Blessings to pray for your children
    Recommended reading for perfectly imperfect kids
    and...A Leader's guide with questions to guide a book study!



    NMPK will change and challenge and encourage you as a parent.  If you liked NMPM you'll LOVE NMPK!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 11, 2014

    I can't say enough great things about this book! As a mother of

    I can't say enough great things about this book! As a mother of 5 kids, ranging from 18 down to 4, I wish I had this in my hands years ago. But the great thing is-it's not too late to become that parent your kids need. I'm so thankful for Jill Savage and Dr Kathy Koch-for their combined efforts that are undoubtedly Spirit-led. This is a book that must be read and ingested slowly. It helps parents not only recognize those damaging perfection-infection traits in their own lives, but also gives some powerful antidotes needed to fight this enemy of families. Friends, perfectionism is a bondage; a bondage that this mom is all too well familiar with. And unchecked, can cause damage every relationship, especially in the most precious...our kids. One of my favorite parts of this book are the core identity questions discussed in each chapter that every child silently asks. Wow-if anything, just putting myself in my child's shoes alone is enough to desire an authentic change for the better in my life as a parent. And what parent wouldn't want to possess the same characteristics of our Father God, whose love is perfect, unconditional, and never-ending. Our kids need to know that we, too, will love them the same way! Full of wisdom and practical advise, I'd highly recommend this book for every parent. Thank you, again Jill and Dr Kathy for this life-changing book!!

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  • Posted March 10, 2014

    If your kid knew about this book, they would be begging you to r

    If your kid knew about this book, they would be begging you to read it. We all know our kids are imperfect, but this book will help you to parent them effectively no matter what their strengths are. As a mom of five, the one thing I've learned is that as soon as you think you have them all figured out, they change. This book is so practical! There are tons of tips that I look forward to utilizing but the first one that I have been using has been the three pronged affirmations (p.140). It has been tremendously helpful with all my kids (my three year old was just as radiant as my nine year old when she received the affirmation). I also love the helpful chapter on how to effect change in the areas that you need to work on. It includes tips for you and for your children in regards to changing. There are oodles of extra helps at the back of the book ranging from age appropriateness of tasks to character qualities that your child should develop.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 10, 2014

    This is a follow-up book to No More Perfect Moms, and is one of

    This is a follow-up book to No More Perfect Moms, and is one of those rare occasions where the sequel is better than the original!

    I was fortunate to be included in the Book Launch for this new release, which means that I received a pre-release copy of the book to review. All opinions are my own.

    I found myself nodding and agreeing with so much in this book!

    In No More Perfect Kids, Jill Savage, author of No More Perfect Moms and founder of the Hearts at Home Conference, pairs up with Dr. Kathy Koch, an educational psychologist, former teacher, professional speaker, and founder of Celebrate Kids. So much of the insight in this book pairs with what I have been teaching in family counseling for years! Problems like:

    •Kids who felt like their parents did not know or understand them
    •Anxiety and perfectionism in very young children, even though their parents felt that they had not put these expectations on them
    •Punishments that didn’t work, even when well-meaning parents added consequence after consequence

    Do yourself a favor and buy this book! The insights are well worth it, and it can save you a lot of heart-ache (and possibly therapy bills!) down the road. I know this is a book I will be recommending regularly!

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  • Posted March 9, 2014

    As the mother of 10 grown children I can without hesitation say

    As the mother of 10 grown children I can without hesitation say that this book would have made such a difference in how we raised our family.  I floundered around in the early years of parenting and it's a wonder my older kids turned out as great as they did. I was the worst kind of helicopter parent, expecting my children to live up to my expectations of perfection. The stress level in our family was incredible. I wish someone would have handed me this book the day I took my first child home from the hospital. 




    Jill Savage of Hearts At Home and Kathy Koch,PhD of Celebrate Kids, Inc. have combined forces to write the words that every parent needs to hear. It deals with all the questions that can arise in a child's life from "Do you like me?" to "Am I important to you?" to "Will you help me change?". Their Godly approach to child rearing is much needed in this day of parentless parenting. The sections on allowing children to fail and curbing technology in our homes are so relevant. Jill and Kathy don't just write words on a page. They offer insight from their own lives along with the experiences of other moms who have conquered the need for perfect kids. 




     One line stood out to me above all others. "Children can feel like projects their parents are trying to finish or problems they're trying to solve--instead of children in the process of becoming."  Sadly this is so true of many parents, myself included. Even with my kids grown and gone, I was able to see ways to change the way I talk to them now. 




    The book gives you realistic applications to use in everyday life to overcome the Perfection Infection. These steps, along with age appropriate tasks, character qualities to help your children develop, and book suggestions for kids to read will help them become everything God intended them to be. There are scripture verses to pray over your children. It even offers a 9 week study guide for parenting groups, mom groups, or anyone raising children. 

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