Customer Reviews for

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity after Infidelity

Average Rating 4
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Most Helpful Favorable Review

12 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

This book was one of many lifelines for me

This book addresses so many things I'd never thought of while in the midst of the revelation of the affair my parnter had - I'd spent six months being told I was crazy and paranoid, and had started to believe it myself. I finally sought out the answers I wasn't getting ...
This book addresses so many things I'd never thought of while in the midst of the revelation of the affair my parnter had - I'd spent six months being told I was crazy and paranoid, and had started to believe it myself. I finally sought out the answers I wasn't getting from my spouse. I found those answers and subsequent clarity and relief within the pages of 'Not Just Friends'. There were so many parts where I could have just taken out the names used in various scenarios and inserted those of my spouse and the affair partner that it was both frightening and validating - remember, I'd just realized I was right to be suspicious the whole time, and that I wasn't actually going mad. 'in her book she calls this insidous tactic employed by a cheating spouse 'gaslighting' after the movie of the same name' I think one of the major assets throughout this book is how it makes the betrayed partner think about the turmoil and pain the cheating spouse is going through - which is both rare, but highly necessary in order to heal a marriage scarred by infedelity. 'Not Just Friends' lays the groundwork for healing a marriage by emphasizing the need for one thing - trust and how to rebuild it. This is obviously an extremely difficult topic to tackle in the wake of betrayal, but absolutely crucial to recovery from the trauma an affair causes, and Dr. Shirley Glass knocks it out of the park with her frank explainations, examples, references, and invaluable experience in the field of infidelity. She helps the betrayed partner consider the RIGHT reasons for both sticking it out and working on a marriage after an affair is discovered, or leaving. Finally, she gives the ultimate gift that every betrayed partner needs in order to recover from the trauma caused by an affair - the safety provided by knowledge. Knowledge of the inner workings of a cheating spouse's mind, and even that of the affair partner. She also providees statistical data that can predict many scenarios which in themselves provide a measure of confidence in the survivability of a situation that seems at many times throughout recovery, unsurvivable. Read this to strengthen your marriage, if your suspicious of your spouse, or if you yourself are considering having an affair. This book will show potential cheaters the extent of the damage that can be done. This book will help betrayed partners pick up the pieces of thier life and learn how to make their marriages stronger than before. Finally, to the person who cheated, this book was written about you, and will slap you in the face, and then tell you what to do to make things right again.

posted by Anonymous on September 18, 2008

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Most Helpful Critical Review

2 out of 13 people found this review helpful.

*horrible*

This book is definitely only for the woman who has been cheated on. I can summarize the entire thing for you "Poor you, your husband turned out to be an ass, and it is of course not your fault at all. Again, poor you." If you even just read the jacket, it says that anyt...
This book is definitely only for the woman who has been cheated on. I can summarize the entire thing for you "Poor you, your husband turned out to be an ass, and it is of course not your fault at all. Again, poor you." If you even just read the jacket, it says that anytime a man says he has a friend that is just a friend, he's really a lying, cheating slut. If you would like to feel sorry for yourself and accept no responsibility whatsoever for your husband going astray, then this book is for you.

posted by Kimber-in-MN on March 22, 2011

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 18, 2008

    This book was one of many lifelines for me

    This book addresses so many things I'd never thought of while in the midst of the revelation of the affair my parnter had - I'd spent six months being told I was crazy and paranoid, and had started to believe it myself. I finally sought out the answers I wasn't getting from my spouse. I found those answers and subsequent clarity and relief within the pages of 'Not Just Friends'. There were so many parts where I could have just taken out the names used in various scenarios and inserted those of my spouse and the affair partner that it was both frightening and validating - remember, I'd just realized I was right to be suspicious the whole time, and that I wasn't actually going mad. 'in her book she calls this insidous tactic employed by a cheating spouse 'gaslighting' after the movie of the same name' I think one of the major assets throughout this book is how it makes the betrayed partner think about the turmoil and pain the cheating spouse is going through - which is both rare, but highly necessary in order to heal a marriage scarred by infedelity. 'Not Just Friends' lays the groundwork for healing a marriage by emphasizing the need for one thing - trust and how to rebuild it. This is obviously an extremely difficult topic to tackle in the wake of betrayal, but absolutely crucial to recovery from the trauma an affair causes, and Dr. Shirley Glass knocks it out of the park with her frank explainations, examples, references, and invaluable experience in the field of infidelity. She helps the betrayed partner consider the RIGHT reasons for both sticking it out and working on a marriage after an affair is discovered, or leaving. Finally, she gives the ultimate gift that every betrayed partner needs in order to recover from the trauma caused by an affair - the safety provided by knowledge. Knowledge of the inner workings of a cheating spouse's mind, and even that of the affair partner. She also providees statistical data that can predict many scenarios which in themselves provide a measure of confidence in the survivability of a situation that seems at many times throughout recovery, unsurvivable. Read this to strengthen your marriage, if your suspicious of your spouse, or if you yourself are considering having an affair. This book will show potential cheaters the extent of the damage that can be done. This book will help betrayed partners pick up the pieces of thier life and learn how to make their marriages stronger than before. Finally, to the person who cheated, this book was written about you, and will slap you in the face, and then tell you what to do to make things right again.

    12 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 30, 2009

    Dr. Glass nailed it with this one. Tremendous insight into how extramarital emotional realtionships develop and a discussion the behaviors and feelings from the perspective of all parties from the beginning through the aftermath of exposure.

    My wife downloaded a sample of this book. When I saw the Table of Contents, I knew I had to read it to help me understand how a close family friend and myself got way too close. Our families were good friends, especially the three of us and our children. We enjoyed each others' company and could be ourselves without judgement, except around her husband. Our home was a safe haven for her with unconditional love and caring. One day the two of us crossed the line due to vulnerabilities created by unique but different voids in our marriages. We found ourselves in the midst of something much deeper and stronger than we expected or could ever have imagined. It only lasted for six weeks before being exposed. My wife worked through it with us like a saint. Our friend's husband exhibited ridiculous, childish, and hurtful behaviors, including tirades in front of their children and attempts to isolate her from all of her friends, which just made matters worse. This book provides an exemplary explanantion of how such relationships develop, how both the involved and injured spouses may react and behave, which behaviors have positive and negative effects, and how they are perceived by the other spouse. Dr. Glass also discusses the healing process, either together or apart, and how to inform the children of the issue, if necessary. The perspectives and feelings discussed in this book are spot on. I felt strongly enough about the value of the understanding it provided for me that I purchased a second copy for our friend. It is an interesting and fairly easy book to read.

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 26, 2004

    what insight!

    The author understands something that many people overlook - the potential for an affair to start from an 'innocent' friendship. She has done much research (and cites it), and shows that she truly understands the inner workings of affairs and how they begin. I am grateful to her for helping me to voice my concerns and feelings to my spouse as we try to recover from his emotional affair (which was, thankfully, stopped before it progressed further). This book would be a help to anyone who feels their spouse doesn't know where the boundaries should be. It also is a help for those trying to understand the trauma of dealing with an affair, and is looking for ways to keep such a thing from ever happening again.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted March 12, 2011

    A MUST READ

    Very informative. Covers all stages of infideliity.. Could not put it down.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 14, 2011

    One of the best

    Clearly, one of the best and most helpful books I've read on this subject. I found it very helpful for both of us. Many explanations made perfect sense after reading this. Highly recommend this book if you find yourself in this extremely difficult situation.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 22, 2013

    Awesome read very informative and data is backed up by countless

    Awesome read very informative and data is backed up by countless real cases from course lots and psychologists in the field- the only real reason to dislike this is if you yourself are a cheating spouse and you d
    Are not ready for what you see in the mirror after reading how this breaks affairs down to what they truly are- individuals not having the right tools to protect their relationships from outside variables- this provides an insight to them so this is a must read unlike what certain non intellectual readers might think.....(user-in MN)

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 26, 2012

    Real and clear

    Great reading that help us lots in our relation ship

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 22, 2014

    A must read

    This book has been a God send for me. Husband was currently involved in online porn, etc, also learned he had an affair years ago. Whenever i would bring up his female friends at work, he said i was crazy. This book saved me when i was at my lowest and validated that i was not crazy. His affair was with a younger coworker that was more than willing to pump up his ego. I purchased a hard copy for the husband to read and we have discussed the book. Read this book ladies. It will open your eyes for the better. Thank you to the author!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 26, 2013

    Awesome book!

    This book covers so many aspects of a an extramarital affair - how it happens, what each person (the betrayed spouse, the unfaithful spouse and the affair partner) is thinking or experiencing, and then how to handle it. If you are any one of these persons, the book is for you. It will help you see the overall picture.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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