Customer Reviews for

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Average Rating 3.5
( 138 )
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(70)

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(8)

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(11)

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(28)

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Most Helpful Favorable Review

9 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

LOVED the book..

Now..I can understand why some of the reviews were poor. Dr. Laura definately does not have any good things to say about the feminist movement. At times it does sound as if she thinks women should only be housewives and take care of their husbands. But! If you can look ...
Now..I can understand why some of the reviews were poor. Dr. Laura definately does not have any good things to say about the feminist movement. At times it does sound as if she thinks women should only be housewives and take care of their husbands. But! If you can look past that, there are great things about this book and things ANY wife can learn whether she chooses to stay home or have a career. It's all about respect, being equals, and taking care of your self and your family. I think everyone should read this book no matter your opinion on the role of a wife. Also, a quick note about some of the reviews I had read. She does also have books just for men, she isn't only 'attacking' women and leaving the men clear of any faults. Remember, this book was titled The Proper Care and Feeding of HUSBANDS, so don't expect to have any advice for the guys in this one. Now, the ONLY thing I didn't like about this book was that in one of the chapters she makes it sound like women are ALWAYS at fault when a man cheats. I absolutely do not believe that to be true. Overall though, i would suggest this book to my friends and family....and have.

posted by Anonymous on July 28, 2008

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Most Helpful Critical Review

14 out of 19 people found this review helpful.

Give me a break

What a load of crap. I'm from the South - we feed our husbands. It's expected and most us enjoy it. In our modern world, I also don't know a single woman that doesn't like sex. Do I cook every single meal my husband eats and do it freshly showered and primped every ...
What a load of crap. I'm from the South - we feed our husbands. It's expected and most us enjoy it. In our modern world, I also don't know a single woman that doesn't like sex. Do I cook every single meal my husband eats and do it freshly showered and primped every day? Of course not. Nor do I cook every single day.

Let me share a couple of true stories with you. I have known 2 older women that pretty much lived what this book describes - and then became ill. One husband moved out of the house when his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. He couldn't deal with his wife being ill. His minister ok'ed this because it's "so hard to see the family nurturer in that condition", instead of telling him to get his sorry butt back home and do for his wife what she had always done for him. Another shipped his dying wife off to their daughter and asked another woman from church to marry him a month after his wife died.

Two for two.. I see a pattern emerging ladies and gentlemen. Do i think these just happened to be bad men? No, I don't. I think they were put first for so long, and that their wives sacrificed showing themselves as human, that these men couldn't fathom that their wives now needed them. They lacked the life skills to deal with such an unpleasant situation. You know, the same skills we try to teach our children as they mature? Do i think all men would do this? Of course not, but this is a problem.

No man wants to be married to a controlling and hateful woman, any more than a woman wants a man like that. I don't belittle or bash my husband and I try to make him happy, but I'm human and not perfect. Sometimes I'm grouchy, lazy, or unattractive. And guess what sometimes so is he. I love and accept him in those times too - that's life and marriage, and it's no worse for me to have those days than for him to.

Then she talks like women should thank their lucky stars that a man would even look at her if she's in her 30's or has kids. Give me a break. I was in my 30's with two sons when I met my husband (1st died). He was not the only man interested in me, but we loved each other and I think we BOTH chose well. I don't get down on my knees and thank him for marrying me. I guess I'm just not as thankful as the wife in the book that realized she was wothless without her husband (gag).

I want to make my husband happy, but I am not a wife-in-the-box. If I've been working in the garden, cleaning house, and doing laundry all day then I'm not going to look like a prom queen while making dinner when he gets home... and he *should* get to see that I also work hard for the life we enjoy and that this is a partnership... and you know what? He does.

What do I agree with in this book? 1st, husband's need a little alone time when they get home. Give him that time to decompress without asking about his day or telling him about yours or a problem. He will come to you in 30-45 minutes and be ready to talk. 2nd, don't ask your husband to do something and then complain about it. Jeez... this makes me want to smack women in the head. Your way isn't the only way and your husband isn't there to play a supporting role in *your* life... he'd probably like to live one too. If your way is the only right way then do it yourself.

Happily married for 12 years to a man that would be bored in 5 minutes with the woman descibed in this book.

posted by Anonymous on June 22, 2012

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 22, 2012

    Give me a break

    What a load of crap. I'm from the South - we feed our husbands. It's expected and most us enjoy it. In our modern world, I also don't know a single woman that doesn't like sex. Do I cook every single meal my husband eats and do it freshly showered and primped every day? Of course not. Nor do I cook every single day.

    Let me share a couple of true stories with you. I have known 2 older women that pretty much lived what this book describes - and then became ill. One husband moved out of the house when his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. He couldn't deal with his wife being ill. His minister ok'ed this because it's "so hard to see the family nurturer in that condition", instead of telling him to get his sorry butt back home and do for his wife what she had always done for him. Another shipped his dying wife off to their daughter and asked another woman from church to marry him a month after his wife died.

    Two for two.. I see a pattern emerging ladies and gentlemen. Do i think these just happened to be bad men? No, I don't. I think they were put first for so long, and that their wives sacrificed showing themselves as human, that these men couldn't fathom that their wives now needed them. They lacked the life skills to deal with such an unpleasant situation. You know, the same skills we try to teach our children as they mature? Do i think all men would do this? Of course not, but this is a problem.

    No man wants to be married to a controlling and hateful woman, any more than a woman wants a man like that. I don't belittle or bash my husband and I try to make him happy, but I'm human and not perfect. Sometimes I'm grouchy, lazy, or unattractive. And guess what sometimes so is he. I love and accept him in those times too - that's life and marriage, and it's no worse for me to have those days than for him to.

    Then she talks like women should thank their lucky stars that a man would even look at her if she's in her 30's or has kids. Give me a break. I was in my 30's with two sons when I met my husband (1st died). He was not the only man interested in me, but we loved each other and I think we BOTH chose well. I don't get down on my knees and thank him for marrying me. I guess I'm just not as thankful as the wife in the book that realized she was wothless without her husband (gag).

    I want to make my husband happy, but I am not a wife-in-the-box. If I've been working in the garden, cleaning house, and doing laundry all day then I'm not going to look like a prom queen while making dinner when he gets home... and he *should* get to see that I also work hard for the life we enjoy and that this is a partnership... and you know what? He does.

    What do I agree with in this book? 1st, husband's need a little alone time when they get home. Give him that time to decompress without asking about his day or telling him about yours or a problem. He will come to you in 30-45 minutes and be ready to talk. 2nd, don't ask your husband to do something and then complain about it. Jeez... this makes me want to smack women in the head. Your way isn't the only way and your husband isn't there to play a supporting role in *your* life... he'd probably like to live one too. If your way is the only right way then do it yourself.

    Happily married for 12 years to a man that would be bored in 5 minutes with the woman descibed in this book.

    14 out of 19 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 17, 2009

    what is Dr. Laura thinking??

    Some of the things in this book is insightful as to how a guy sees things but it's hard not to see how one-sided this book is Is Dr. Laura really a woman because she is extremely biased against them? Examples from book

    1) Extended vacations without spouse:
    She starts the book speaking of selfish women who call her show including women who call to justify extended vacations with out the spouse. Ok, so extended vacations without a spouse is bad, right? Wrong! According to Dr. Laura it's only bad when women want this. A woman should not interfere with a husband's hobby or "guy time". She even starts the guy time chapter with a letter from a man that says women should understand that if her husband wants a three week hunting trip it's just because he wants to kill something. Isn't three week hunting trip a major extended vacation?

    2) Work. Dr. Laura thinks equates women work outside the house as something that should be elimiated or reduced if hubby doesnt like it but a woman should not interfere with HUSBAND's work schedule or "Guy Time" Example: A woman in real estate whose husband feels abandoned because she works evenings and weekends. Selfish woman! Yet, another woman writes about feeling abandoned because her husband VOLUNTARILY works extra hours. Again, the woman is the selfish one because she wants him to work less! Actually Dr. Laura has the never to comment about another letter where the husband plays golf on Saturday and Sunday! So i guy can even spend his whole weekend on non-work activities and its still ok but a woman should quit if HE feels abandoned by her JOB.

    3)Ask your husband for "animal you brought home" but you have to change if he's not happy with YOU. Example: A woman hates that her husband plays in the band all the time but admits he did it when they were dating so she should expect him to change. Ok, fair enough. But then she quotes a husband who is disastified with her career wife who is trying to get her PhD because a mother should, perphaps spend 100% of her time at home. So, did he not know he married a career woman? Isn't it a little unfair to now expect her to be a housewife?

    11 out of 18 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 28, 2008

    LOVED the book..

    Now..I can understand why some of the reviews were poor. Dr. Laura definately does not have any good things to say about the feminist movement. At times it does sound as if she thinks women should only be housewives and take care of their husbands. But! If you can look past that, there are great things about this book and things ANY wife can learn whether she chooses to stay home or have a career. It's all about respect, being equals, and taking care of your self and your family. I think everyone should read this book no matter your opinion on the role of a wife. Also, a quick note about some of the reviews I had read. She does also have books just for men, she isn't only 'attacking' women and leaving the men clear of any faults. Remember, this book was titled The Proper Care and Feeding of HUSBANDS, so don't expect to have any advice for the guys in this one. Now, the ONLY thing I didn't like about this book was that in one of the chapters she makes it sound like women are ALWAYS at fault when a man cheats. I absolutely do not believe that to be true. Overall though, i would suggest this book to my friends and family....and have.

    9 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 15, 2007

    It is all about treating others (especially your husband) with respect!

    I highly recommend this book! The basic premise is that if you love your husband, don't treat him like garbage. Dr. Laura reminds us in this book that you are both on the same team and it is alright to show your husband love and respect. I tried some of the ideas in this book such as saying 'Hello' to him when he walked in the door from work and telling him 'Thank You' when he did something to help me. (Yes, I am ashamed that I didn't always do these things!) and I found that not only was my husband happier, but I felt happier as well. A final note to all those who did find this book degrading...there is nothing degrading about treating another human being with respect and love. There is nothing manipulative or submissive about telling your husband that you love him or that you appreciate the work that he does. (Note: Dr. Laura reiterates numerous times that the principles in this book only apply if you are married to a good man who is trying to be a good husband!)

    6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 2, 2009

    Life Lessons

    I read the reviews and excerpts from this book and thought to myself, "Wow, this could really be the book that makes a difference. How does this one woman understand what is so simple and that so many women cannot?" Well, this book very well may be that book but this post is labeled "Life Lessons" for a reason. My wife didn't react as well to my gift as I had hoped. I even took the gift wrapping option and took the time to write a very thoughtful note to have included. She may one day read this book but for the time being she will continue to be the typical spoiled princess that made want to buy this for her to begin with. Gentlemen, you have been warned: only buy this for open-minded women who are willing to change. For the time being, I'll be living in my self-created misery. Good luck!

    FYI - I read through most of the book to see what is in it and this thing is phenominal! Great information and a spot-on analysis from the enlightened female perspective.

    5 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 1, 2007

    Women, let's fix the mess we've made the last 50 years...Dr Laura tells us how...we DO hold all the power

    First, because I know you're going to wade through a lot of whining and blame-gaming in these reviews, I want to just repost a couple of reviews from other readers that you might not get down to reading. I find these reviews pretty much say it all...fairly, intelligently, and with a sense of how empowered women truly are. My review? I had never even heard of Dr Laura when I discovered this book at O'Hare Airport. Together with my husband, we read it aloud to each other on the plane home. My relationship with ALL men has improved now that my eyes have been opened to their needs. My brother, my father in law, my husband, male strangers I meet...I've learned when they do any little task to help out PRAISE THEM TO THE SKIES and don't point out where they failed to do it the way you would have. Also, give men an opportunity to help you - let them get your door, pick up things you drop, open pickle jars for you - then thank them profusely as 'your hero!' Men love to rescue us, being asked for help doesn't annoy them, it makes them feel needed and appreciated. But anyway, these two say it all: 1 -' This is a book for realists and those who can be honest with themselves. I can see why some people really have a problem with this book. It is straight forward and really calls some personality types out. If you don't believe in the golden rule you won¿t like this book. If you are a man-hater or pushing to simply reverse the whip on men or have a tough time being accountably for your actions, then you will not like it. You may have other issues that need to be resolved before you would understand what this book has to offer. The concepts in this book function with the core premise that there are minimum requirements for men and most men DO meet those requirements. However, as women we have a tendency to raise the minimum requirements without telling our husbands or raising them beyond our husbands capabilities. If your husband is a selfish dirt bag, then do what you need to. But most of us are not married to bad people. Dr. Laura did a wonderful job of helping me understand where I put my husband at a disadvantage and don¿t allow him contribute to the relationship in an effective way. Sometimes I would make decisions that completely ignored his needs and were based solely on the fact that I am a woman and he is a man. I realize that is wrong and was hurting our communication and relationship. I have already taken some of the advice that Dr. Laura offers and it has worked. Give 'your man' some sincere credit and show the sincere respect you want in return and it will work. You may not see results right away depending on how poorly you have treated him, but it will work if he is a normal guy. It goes without saying that husbands who abuse their wives, are completely selfish or all around rotten do not deserve good wives. Dr. Laura doesn't spend the whole book saying this because a normal woman is smart enough to figure that out. She also does not waste our time telling us that serial murderers and terrorists don't deserve good wives, but then most of us are able to figure that out on our own without the help of our man-hater sisters. If you have a tough time understanding that on your own, then again....you may have other issues that need to be resolved before you would understand what this book has to offer.' and 2 -'Jeannie, wife of 10 years, mother of two I had never listened to Dr. Laura's radio show or read any of her books before. I 'stumbled' upon her book one day as I heard reference to it on a radio show that a friend was listening to. Curious, I went out and bought the audiobook and listened with an open heart and mind. This book is truly a nourishing resource particularly for married and engaged women, but also for single women as it is generally helpful in understanding how to constructively maintain relationships with men. I have to applaud Dr. Laura's courage in pointing out in this modern time of pervasive feminin

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 2, 2007

    Dr Laura

    I don't know why people insist on taking love advice from this woman. 'Doctor' Laura? Come on, her Doctorate is in GYM sciences. Who wants a Bigoted Gym Teacher trying to bully their marriage? This book was SEVERELY disappointing.

    5 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 24, 2004

    HORRIBLE-Wives do not have to take the abuse!

    After reading this book, and re-reading some of the pages I highlighted, it disappointed me more. I cannot believe she expects women to just sit back and take all the abuse. She makes a man sound so innocent. Sure she did try to express that a man has feelings and is also sensitive, however she expresses that women should just bow down and take all the blame from arguments and misunderstandings. She even has the nerve to blame extra maritial affairs on wives. She did make me understand that a man has feelings as much as any human would. However, it takes 2 to tango. A man should have as much responsibility in making the marriage happy as the wife. Why does she expect the wife to work so hard at it and a man to just take all the credit? After all the self help books I have read, she is the first who recommends a wife just basically keep her mouth shut and forget communicating with her husband all together. I also got the impression from her that women should hold a full time job, do the housework, shopping, take care of the kids, do school activities with the kids and still be civil and understanding to their husbands. She makes men sound so weak.

    5 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 13, 2007

    Should retitle as 'How to Be a Doormat'

    Men are wonderful. Women are shrews. Men should be treated as 'kings'. Women should be treated as scullery maids and nannies. Women should shut up unless it's to have their man 'fix' a problem. Men can say whatever they want, whenever they want, no matter what and women should always listen. The husband's work day is over when he gets home. The wife's work day is over when she goes to bed. The wife should cook, clean, raise the kids and submit to sex on demand without complaint. The husband should come home, relax, be spared from having to help raise the kids, have a home cooked meal, be greeted by a trophy wife every night and spend lots of quality time with his friends because he needs a break from his family. The wife should never go out with friends unless she takes the kids with her. Wives should never cry, complain, or share their feelings with their husbands because he's too weak to deal with it and besides, he doesn't care anyway. Just focus on making him happy and everything will work out...maybe. Maybe not. At least HE will be happy. If you are a wife who needs to learn how to be a doormat or you are a husband who needs help on teaching your wife how to be a doormat, then this is the book for you.

    4 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 2, 2007

    Some people only know ONE note

    Ladies, save yourself the bucks and find a dollar copy of Fascinating Womanhood and/or The Total Woman from the 60's and 70's. Same message for lots less money. Women must massage the ego, hold the mirror, embrace the vision of another person on the single premise that he has a particular body part that she does not. How insulting to men and to the generation of women born after 1971 when a few tough broads took the chance of being misunderstood for the good of their daughters and granddaughters. Any man who must be manipulated into a give and take relationship is NOT worth the effort. Dr. Laura and her ilk are the reason that abuse is still a major issue between the sexes. I wish B&N and others would refuse to promote her writing (which is pandering of the worst kind). Her ego turns out to be bigger than 99% of men's.

    4 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 25, 2006

    disservice to women and cavemen

    Dr. Laura obviously does NOT have daughters or she wouldn't dispense such wreckless female bashing advice. She should consider doing outreach with women's shelter or connect with agencies like, Break the Cycle, which work hard to dispel this submissive gobblygook. Truly bonfire copy.

    4 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted March 16, 2013

    As a 52 year old masters degree educated executive I am buying D

    As a 52 year old masters degree educated executive I am buying Dr Laura’s the Care and Feeding of Marriage, Husbands and Women Power for my niece’s wedding gift. These books teach you to treat your husband as a man and not your girlfriend, and to use your feminine wiles instead of male directness to get along with him better. Typically men marry women because they are attracted to femininity. If he wanted a guy he’d be at the game, gym or a gay bar. Femininity works. Even at age 50 and 244 pounds, or dirty from the dog park or gym, men love me! In rebuke to those reviews that complain of women being exploited by being married to egotistical pigs, Dr Laura said that these books only apply to good husbands that women want to get along better with.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 25, 2013

    Hogwash To begin with the woman's degree is NOT in counseling or

    Hogwash
    To begin with the woman's degree is NOT in counseling or psychology, she's a glorified gym teacher. This is the biggest load of mysogonistic crap since, well, her last book advising women on men. For a woman who is notorious for having had an affair with a married man to blame the wife for a husband's affair isn't just tacky, or even a rather transparent effort to direct responsibility away from herself or her paramour, but in this case should constitute fraud against anyone naive enough to buy into this woman's "tough love." Marriage is about respect, love, and consideration on the parts of BOTH partners. If you have to be TOLD to thank your spouse when they do something for you or reminded that your spouse might sometimes need time alone then work on your empathy, your compassion, and your respect for the person you chose as a partner in life. Get therapy if you need it, get couples therapy if you both need it, but do NOT take advice from a woman who thinks that gay folks are a biological mistake, that single women with children have no business dating or getting remarried, and who's approach to her own advice is "do as I say, not as I do." And if your husband is the kind of man that demands "time alone with the guys" while expecting you to give up your career and your friends to take care of his kids, run, don't walk, to the nearest attorney and get out before you find the kids grown and gone and discover you've spent the last 30 years in a marriage you hate regretting that you never lived the life you could have and been happier and more fulfilled. My own mother did exactly what this woman recommends and now, aside from having to wait on her husband hand and foot in her retirement, she regrets EVERY SINGLE DAY the choice she made to stay with a man that walks all over her emotionally because it NEVER OCCURS TO HIM that she deserves his respect. She never expected it of him and he never learned it.

    3 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 20, 2011

    Offensive to men and women

    I actually found this book to be somewhat offensive. Do what he expects and wants and you will be happy!!?? I don't think so. I believe marriage is a compromise and it should be equal on both sides not just one. Also, the title is very offensive to men and husbands.

    3 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 6, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    The Wife is to Blame

    Dr Laura blames the wife for the unhappiness of the marriage in this book. She says that women have the power tochange the marriage and be happy by making the husband happy. I agree that the wife has a responsibility for this but there was to much painting of the wife as the abuser and the husband as the innocent victim. Her theory that men will naturally do what is needed if we weren't so mean wasn't helpful to me. I am trying to think of her suggestions in a possitive manner in my life, but felt that if someone buys the book they must want to treat their husbands well and with respect and are probably already trying to make their marriage better. I felt that it was just too much bashing on women and just a little bit of what you should do presented in a womeon are stupid and abusive and just want too much, not to mention lazy unappreciative, and unloving toward their easy going, undamanding, helping out how ever they can husbands. Book left me feeling very negative and uninspired.

    3 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 7, 2007

    What a waste of money

    I was very angry reading this book.According to Dr. Laura men are the kings and women should honor an obey them.She does let people know that sex and food are the things that motivate mens moods.How sad to think that a woman has to provide services to be treated like a person.So no matter how a man treats his wife he deserves to have sex because that is the only thing that makes him happy. Come on Dr. Laura we are not cave people husbands and wives should be equals

    3 out of 8 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 2, 2007

    What a joke, do not waste your money

    This prejudiced, close minded, ignorant woman, has no business writing any kind of advice or counsel books. This book was just a waste of my time and money. Just awful!

    3 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 27, 2011

    Truly AMAZING!!!

    Straight to the heart of marriage and of families in general. I couldn't set it down. Put the information to use as soon as I was finished and immediately started receiving what i have been craving from my husband of 14 years. I wish I had read it 15 years ago.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 5, 2010

    Take your marriage from OK to GREAT!

    This was a fantastic book. I learned so many things about men that I did not know and in just a week I made a turn around in my marriage that my husband instantly reacted to. He is more attentive, loving and caring now and there are fewer fights and arguments. Read it! Even if you think your marriage is fine, this book will show you that there is more you can get from it.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 25, 2009

    The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

    This book was rather shallow and unhelpful. Dr. Laura deals with some good issues however all she follows with are examples from her talk show. There is very little this is what to do or not to do - no instruction or helpful hints. Instead I would recommend any of the books by John Gray (Mars and Venus).

    2 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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