Customer Reviews for

Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together

Average Rating 4
( 60 )
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(29)

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Most Helpful Favorable Review

6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

This is a must read: for singles, dating or married couples

I just have to say right from the start: if you honestly read this book and were offended by or feel as if the Driscoll's have "no idea" what they are talking about, you didn't really read the book with the mindset of wanting to change your marriage or relationship with...
I just have to say right from the start: if you honestly read this book and were offended by or feel as if the Driscoll's have "no idea" what they are talking about, you didn't really read the book with the mindset of wanting to change your marriage or relationship with your spouse. If you think this book is just full of..., then you are feeling convicted and doing all that you can to disagree with the principles in this book.

This was an incredible book. Let me say that again...an INCREDIBLE book. Not only was I convicted by this book but I learned so much about marriage that I never really knew. I honestly wish I could've had this book before I got married. I feel like my marriage would be a lot different, and my husband would agree with that statement. The Driscoll's discuss topics in the book that I haven't found in many Christian marriage books that I have read. They can be very vague and really beat around the bush when it comes to topics that should and need to be discussed about marriage. I loved how each topic, and really the whole book, was centered around the Bible and brought out specific texts to back up what they were discussing. LOVED this.

My husband and I are both excited to apply the principles in this book to our marriage and to our friendship! I believe in this book so much that I have purchased copies for family members and friends. I will always stand by this book and will continually recommend it for those dating, engaged or married.

And for those of you that purchased this book, without knowing that it was a Christian book on the topic of marriage, I'm glad that you at least read it! Just know that the Driscoll's wrote this book with the intention of helping people. And I know and believe that this book is going to change marriages all over this country, especially in a country where marriages are falling apart like monkey bread. This book is life changing for a marriage.

posted by JessieLeigh on January 10, 2012

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Most Helpful Critical Review

23 out of 28 people found this review helpful.

Does more harm than good...

You'll either love it or hate it. That's how I feel about this book after spending an evening with it. Where do I come out? Well, you'll have to keep reading to find out.
I was warned about this book and it didn't take me long to find out why. By page 29, I was ban...
You'll either love it or hate it. That's how I feel about this book after spending an evening with it. Where do I come out? Well, you'll have to keep reading to find out.
I was warned about this book and it didn't take me long to find out why. By page 29, I was banging my head on a metaphorical wall, trying to figure out how I was going to make it through the rest of the book with an open mind.

Driscoll is fairly opinionated about specific gender roles and makes these opinions very clear. In his chapter written to men, Driscoll tells men not to be "dumb" and to act like men. Ok, fair enough. Men should be men. I agree. But he also says that it is the man's job to provide enough income so that the woman does not have to work, but rather has everything she needs to stay at home with the children. I quote, "A wife who finds a way to make money from home or without neglecting her first God-given responsibilities of Christian, wife, and mother is acceptable. But men, you should make money. You should feed your family." He also tells men that if they want other men, their wives, and their children to respect them, they need to pay the bills. Simple as that. Well, life isn't always as simple as that. This chapter is full of this and other "wake-up calls" to men that yes, are worth considering, but perhaps would do more harm than good to read.

Throughout the book, Driscoll includes Scripture references. Wonderful! I love when authors, pastors, TEACHERS back what they're saying with the Bible. I took the time to look up many of the references on my trusty iPhone Bible app and was blown away by the interpretation of some of the passages. Some of the verses were taken completely out of context and seemed to be stretched and twisted to somehow fit what Driscoll was trying to say. I urge you to do your own research into the passages used and study the context surrounding them to understand what they are really saying. Find a good commentary...

I was cringing when I reached the "Sex" portion of the book, not really knowing what I would find inside. I was pleasantly surprised, for the most part. Driscoll's ideas about sex seemed fair and worth consideration. At times he seemed to go a bit far, such as when he suggests that one should have sex with their spouse, despite not wanting to. At the end of the book, there is a section that goes through various sexual acts and Driscoll lays out his thoughts (and "biblical" groundwork) on each. I won't go into detail, but please, PLEASE read these with a grain of salt and talk to someone you trust such as a pastor or spiritual director if you are unclear or uncertain about anything that you see here.

Overall, I wouldn't say that this book was a COMPLETE waste of my evening, but I wouldn't say that it was the best use of my time either. I found myself frustrated, annoyed, and disappointed that this book is getting all the press that it is. With all of its contradictions, poor biblical interpretation, and unfair gender stereotypes, I find that even the good and helpful parts of this book get lost in the harmful and distinctly wrong ideas, leaving it doing more harm than good. There are better options out there in terms of books on marriage (ask your pastor for suggesions), but if you want to read this book and see the "car crash" for yourself, by all means...

posted by NMcC on January 18, 2012

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 2, 2012

    Practical, blunt, honest and radical...

    A must read for every couple!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 17, 2012

    This is an easy book to read if you intend to change nothing abo

    This is an easy book to read if you intend to change nothing about your
    marriage. However, if you intend to work on it, give it a (second?
    n-th?) shot, fall in love with your spouse again, rekindle the flame,
    cope with the "empty nest" or get ready to be a spouse
    one-day, "Real Marriage" will bend you, stretch you, challenge
    you and leave you with multi-colored pens in hand to underline passages
    to work on later on with your spouse. And this is exactly what I did
    :). Pastor Mark and his wife Grace give a thorough practical overview,
    with no holds barred, believe me, of what the intended roles of husbands
    and wives are in light of the Bible. To this end they have poured in
    countless hours of their own struggles becoming a better partner, their
    journey (individual and as a couple) through what the Scrpitures say as
    well as countless hours of biblical councelling spent with people
    seeking help. The book is very real, much alike an extended interview on
    matters we all feel we have a good grasp on. I liked most of the book,
    if I were to say where I would not necessarily go into as much detail
    were I the authors, I would probably cut down on the technicalities of
    the sexual sphere (though I understand it might just be a thing some
    people need most answers in). On the whole, it is more than solid. And
    most of all, it makes you WANT to not only aspire to but also bring
    about the change in the spouse YOU ARE. I highly recommend reading and
    discussing large parts of "Real Marriage" with your
    husband/wife. And acting on it! Marcin Hartman

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 23, 2012

    With a grain of salt

    This was a pretty standard example of books of its type, better than some, worse than others, by and large it has good information, and this is the only christian marriage book I've ever read where the authors admit to pre marital promiscuity, which is definitely refreshing. However, its also extremely limiting as to the gender roles. Men have to bring home the bacon, women have to stay home with the kids, that's it. I don't know about anyone else, but that financial model doesn't look too sound to me. The other issues I have comes in the chapter about abuse, namely that it completely focuses on women, the only mention of possible abuse of men is in a sentence near the beginning of the chapter and then nothing is mentioned until some statistics are given. In reality, at least when it comes to pedophilia, males are at just as much risk as females. That chapter also assumes that all men are rapists in potentia. The authoress repeatedly says that girls need to be protected from boys and that they need to be taught "How guys in this world think". Now, I understand that she had bad experiences with men, but making global generalizations like that leads me to think that she might not be as "over it" as she claims to be; in addition, it's insulting! I'm a guy, yes. I have more testosterone in my bloodstream than your average woman, yes. Am I actively trying to coerce, manipulate, or force every female I meet into bed? No! All in all, a decent book, but itf you get it, take it with a grain of salt, and it might be better suited to women. If a guy reads it he'll probably come out feeling guilty that he's not doing enough to support his wife, feeling dirty because he's such a dirty dirty pervert, or insulted because he was stereotyped so much.

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  • Posted April 25, 2012

    A Must Read

    Highly Highly recommend this book for those who really want to know what being married really means. This is a great book and his website is also great. You can watch the sermon series on this book as well.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 17, 2012

    good read

    honest and insightful approach to relationships
    deff. a good book to inspire conversation between believers

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 23, 2012

    Best on the topic

    Heartfelt and willing to deal with real life issue that others might pretend do not exist if its a topic of controversy

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 16, 2012

    Great read!

    Well Mark and Grace Driscoll definently have God working through them. They always have a good teaching and they back it up with God word, the bible. So if you want to learn and strive for wisdom. Read the book. Revolution for men is also really good. You don't have to have a bad marriage to read these books.

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  • Posted January 27, 2012

    Real Marriage

    It was with a lot of expectations that I opened the Real Marriage DVD-Based Study Kit : The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together by Mark & Grace Driscoll. This product consists of a DVD, a Participant’s Guide and a Leader’s Guide. The first thing that attracted me to this DVD-Based Study Kit is the fact that you can put down your views alongside the topic. The format is like a project that we used to get while in college.
    The best way to make the most use of this product is to form a study group and tackle the topics together. The Real Marriage DVD-Based Study Kit is ideal for both married as well as unmarried individuals.

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  • Posted January 25, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    Recommended, but it's not for everyone

    This book has been helpful to my marriage - if for no other reason than the fact that it does highlight some issues and encouraged openness for myself and my wife. Driscoll certainly does have viewpoints that some (many?) will disagree with, but that doesn't negate the rest of the book. I've personally struggled with some of his viewpoints and haven't decided where I stand on some of the items, but other material is still very helpful. One of the early chapters focuses on spouses as friends - close friends. While I certainly already knew this, the way he talks about it, shares his story, and shares Martin Luther's story really impacted me and make me more aware of how I act/react to my wife (and child) so that I am conscious of how I spend my time/resources and whether they're spent on my family. As I mentioned, it's not for everyone. I read this book keeping in mind that much of what is said, particularly the issues related to sex, are a result of questions he has answered and counseling sessions he's been involved in. So these questions aren't just out of the blue, but have some history of being asked. So for many this book will help with questions they've secretly wondered.

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  • Posted January 24, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    Must read for anyone! Long overdue look at what marriage means.

    As the Driscolls observe, there simply are no books on marriage in the market that tackle the concept of marriage from both a Biblical and practical point of view, while tying that most important relationship to the concept of true friendship. This discussion and the frank honesty of the authors is long overdue not just in the Church and among believing Christians, but by our society as a whole. For the past several decades our culture has been spiraling out of control, particularly in the areas of love and relationships. The debate seems to lurch either between the extremes of puritanical fear (sex is gross) or the absurdity of sexual anarchy (sex is god). It's as if no one in the Church has the guts to stand up and teach people what the Bible actually says about sex and marriage, and how to apply it practically in our lives. Believers and non-believers alike are desperate for someone to simply tell them the truth and the Driscolls are finally doing it. Everything in this book is biblically sound and of practical use. It provides all that is necessary to encourage men and women to be who they're meant to be by God's design and to flourish in a successful, faithful and physically enjoyable relationship. I commend the Driscolls for being so honest with their readers and exposing the difficult times and hard lessons they've learned in their own marriage. I have no doubt that this book will be a blessing to anyone that reads it with an honest heart.

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  • Posted January 24, 2012

    good

    On one hand Driscoll is extremely conservative in his view on the roles of men and women. (men work outside the home women work at home...end of story) On the other hand he is extremely liberal in his willingness to discuss 'taboo' topics. (what is okay and not okay in the bedroom...) these are two extremes that don't often come together. I love that driscoll is true to who he is, but often i feel like his agressive nature causes minor things to become overblown!

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  • Posted January 23, 2012

    Highly Recommended!

    I would especially recommends this book for singles. Its a good idea to learn about these problems before they happen to you.

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  • Posted January 18, 2012

    Typical Marriage Book

    Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship & Life Together by Mark and Grace Driscoll is yet another book out there about how to make the most of your marriage relationship. As has become typical in marriage books, this one is setup in some ways as a “his” and “hers” guide. This is mostly due to the fact that the authors (who are married) share their viewpoints separately in many cases. The book is easy to read and well written (always a thumbs up in my book if I don’t find it boring or tedious to get through). Mark Driscoll is a well-known pastor and author who counseled couples for many years regarding the very problems listed in this book. His wife Grace joins him in this endeavor sharing her own opinions, views and personal struggles within their marriage. I appreciate the honesty and the forthrightness they both showed in opening up about things they had problems with that most in leadership positions would shy away from having public.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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    Posted May 3, 2013

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    Posted January 5, 2012

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    Posted January 3, 2012

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    Posted January 28, 2013

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    Posted February 16, 2012

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    Posted January 16, 2012

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    Posted January 12, 2012

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