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Posted November 12, 2003
This book covers so many aspects of marriage
I was blessed by the examples of couples interacting, as it helped me recognize myself and my husband. I was blessed by the quizs and surveys designed to help reveal the patterns and styles of relating that we do. I was blessed with hope, as I understood better my marriage struggles and my desire for a marriage that could be a safe haven. This book not only describes the problems, it offers help and solutions. A must read to anyone who seems caught in stuck patterns of relating, yet wants their marriage to be a Safe Haven.
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Posted February 15, 2005
Clinical confirmation of justified hopelessness
This book was loaned to me by a pastoral counselor, and I found it so compelling that I needed my own copy for highlighting, review and personal self-improvement. An incredibly accurate depiction of every subjective conversation my wife and I have had for 20+ years (excluding short questions like 'what time do I need to pick up the kids'), this book references clinical studies, and is replete with counseling-style 'could have happened' conversations. Throughout the book, the reader is taught what emotional constructs are in play, why conversations deteriorate into arguments, and why the reader has been unable to stop the argument from progressing or recurring. The reader is progressively drawn deeper into the authors' thesis/hypothesis, searching desperately for understanding, hope and detailed instructions for what to feel, think, do to save a relationship. (Stop reading, I'm giving away the ending here.) Alas, not until the very last chapter do we confirm that the reader's marriage will end in divorce one day unless both husband and wife make an unconditional commitment, before reading the book, to follow the steps in the book. The reader's conclusion must be to learn about yourself and cling to the hope that you can save your next marriage, because this one will fail regardless of how committed you are.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.