- Shopping Bag ( 0 items )
Posted December 27, 2003
Too much vernacular and too little wisdom
I get nervous when general cultural phenomnoms, like woman finds husband, have to be reinterpreted for black people. I don't see the dating game any different for black women as it is for anyone else in the mainstream. Demand high standards and you either get them or your time won't be wasted. I find the advice in this book to be contradictory. On the one hand we are told to consider men who don't make a lot of money since rich (black) men may not have morals, but then we are told he's a keeper if he wears Armani suits. Well, that's alright then. In the author's constant quest to convince us to prioritize asset challenged men on our dance cards, the author tells us about the (bitter) sweet tale of her parents: Her father who is an honest, hardworking yada, yada man who married her mother. Thirty years later, while he's paying two mortagages and a few other necessities, the author tells us her 57 year old mother still has to work to make ends meet. And, she's very happy, the author reassures us. What I want to know, what is that second mortage that her father is paying on for? In one chapter, the author tells us that black men don't like women who play games. She doesn't define gameplaying, but I define it as doing something that you don't want to do at that moment but will do for some long term gain. The author makes a direct attack on the The Rules (by Sherrie Fein and Ellen Schneider). The author doesn't agree that one should turn down a Saturday night date on Wednesday; but she does advocate turning down a Saturday night by Friday at lunch time. What should I do then if I want to see this guy on Saturday night and he has called just after I have eaten my lunch? She also advises women to leave the guy's house immediately after you have sex with him. The reason she gives for this is that you will show him what a strong independent woman you are. Excuse me? Has she contemplated the security risk that she has created for anyone who wants to do a runner in the night. And wouldn't this also be classified as 'gameplaying' as most people prefer semi-civilized habits like sharing breakfast after doing the deed and before parting. This is an awful book. It does nothing to increase the self-esteem of black women. She never advocates interracial dating (in fact, she advises us to set our targets lower because black men don't make as much money as white men do) but then if she did, the book may not have been published. I just don't particularly care for being put into a group or 'special needs.' For the record, I am black American and I don't need to validate what I have just written by telling you what level of education that I have attainted or that I am a corporate lawyer or purusing any other profession.
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