Customer Reviews for

The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with a Man

Average Rating 3.5
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Most Helpful Favorable Review

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

A new and controversial approach to a millenium-old concept.

This is a rather controversial approach in a time when men on television are depicted as bumbling idiots barely capable of crossing the street or constantly playing the role of the antagonist. Overall I liked the book and felt that it gave new light to the age old (a...
This is a rather controversial approach in a time when men on television are depicted as bumbling idiots barely capable of crossing the street or constantly playing the role of the antagonist. Overall I liked the book and felt that it gave new light to the age old (and often misunderstood) biblical principle of submission in marriage. Whether we like it or not, there can only be one head of an organization (marriage, baseball team, etc). Somebody's gotta submit and if you're a Christian, that's the wife. That means the husband is responsible for the health, welfare, and happiness of his wife. That doesn't mean that he's the tyrant screaming 'Where's my chicken pot pie!!' Surrendering, though, is a band-aid in a marriage where the wife is controlling. Controlling women (and men) need a basic course in people skills...Dale Carnegie for instance (Power and Confidence in Dealing with People). So he took the wrong exit on the freeway...big deal!! Turn around!! Is it really worth hurting his feelings over? So he hasn't mowed the lawn in 3 weeks...that is a big deal. Get off your butt and handle your business. So she over-cooked the chicken...big deal. Is it really worth hurting her feelings over? Be grateful that you have a wife that cares enough about you to take the time to cook dinner. If we start prioritizing these issues based on the qualifier 'Is it really worth hurting his/her feelings over?' marriages and relationships will be healed. In first grade, most of us learned to treat people the way we want to be treated. Apparently everyone has forgotten this basic people skill when it comes to their marriage.

posted by Anonymous on January 15, 2001

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Most Helpful Critical Review

4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

I liked the concept, but she doesn't uphold Christian principles

In my efforts to be more submissive as a wife, my husband bought this book for me. I was appalled that this is supposedly written from a Christian perspective. Mrs. Doyle recommends letting your husband use pornography. She apparently hasn't read Jesus's condemnatio...
In my efforts to be more submissive as a wife, my husband bought this book for me. I was appalled that this is supposedly written from a Christian perspective. Mrs. Doyle recommends letting your husband use pornography. She apparently hasn't read Jesus's condemnation of lust, or seen statistics on the horrors of pornography use, nor read about how pornography use in a marriage harms the intimacy and respect. I would not recommend this book to any woman looking for learning about true submission, which involves submitting to a husband who respects you and is faithful only to you, not entertaining thoughts of other women. Very sickening! I'm throwing the book away.

posted by Anonymous on January 18, 2008

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 18, 2008

    I liked the concept, but she doesn't uphold Christian principles

    In my efforts to be more submissive as a wife, my husband bought this book for me. I was appalled that this is supposedly written from a Christian perspective. Mrs. Doyle recommends letting your husband use pornography. She apparently hasn't read Jesus's condemnation of lust, or seen statistics on the horrors of pornography use, nor read about how pornography use in a marriage harms the intimacy and respect. I would not recommend this book to any woman looking for learning about true submission, which involves submitting to a husband who respects you and is faithful only to you, not entertaining thoughts of other women. Very sickening! I'm throwing the book away.

    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 16, 2001

    Time to debunk the junk!

    Approximately thirty years after the baptism of the feminist movement, it's quite unflattering and disillusioning to find that women remain overly hysterical and obsessed with getting married to obtain wholeness. Their need to be rescued by 'Mr. Right' who is supposed to fulfill their dreams and grant them happiness ever after, is now causing married women (that are apparently unsatisfied) to abandon self-esteem, confidence, sense of adventure and passion to pacify their relationship. Women who earnestly believe that 'surrendering' control to a mate will grant them happiness ever after, need psychiatric help ASAP. Women who see the world passing by only in pairs, intend to keep blind faith in an institution that really can't live up to forever placed upon it by society and religion. It's really the time not to 'surrender' but to 'debunk the junk' women are being fed about marriage, romance and happily ever after. Women who prefer to live in the shadow of the lie they regard as more civilized, friendly, and by the way, a lot less scary than the truth sadly demonstrate to the world that they prefer to behave like deaf people with tunnel vision. The author's theory is nothing more than stubborn determination to prolong permanence and demand freshness long after the last piece of wedding cake is stale. It wrongly encourages women to accept a brand of acidic cohabitation that endorses agitated decay as an alternative lifestyle. These women unfortuntely have underdeveloped emotional palates that allow them to choose to be one-half of a very watery couple, rather than to be solo, but savory. Tragically in so doing, women may be unconsciously encouraging a necrotic demise of their spirit that will be extremely difficult if not impossible to resuscitate!

    2 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 26, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Surrendering does not mean being helpless and that is what this book tells us to do

    I was looking for a good book to give to family and friends that would describe the relationship between me and my boyfriend. I had hoped this book would do that. Boy was I wrong. I have not given up my will or ability to think to be submitted to him, never would I do half the things this book suggests because my boyfriend wants me to use my mind to make our life together easier.
    If you like weak, helpless women who's best response is, "What ever you think." then go read the Gor series by John Norman you will get much more out of them.
    If you want to be a submitted woman to your man than look on the internet for Masters And slaves Together International. There you can get much better info than what this book gives you.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 4, 2001

    I find this totally disgusting

    I am a young female, and have no words for a book so dispicable, and so digusting. It is not a woman's position in life to be her husbands slave. Any woman who gave this book more than one star should be ashamed of themselves. This book is basically asking you to turn the calenders back 30 years and everything that feminists as far back as Susan B. Anthony accomplished might as well never have happened.

    1 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 5, 2007

    Women, Beware

    If you are married to a man who thinks he is always right because he is male, DIVORCE HIM NOW! You will be much happier, I promise you. My husband and I listen to each other, and work out a solution we can both be happy with. And guess what?? We're happily married! If your husband thinks you having an opinion is arguing, drop him and find a man who knows how to respect you. And for the love of God, please do not compare your household to hens and roosters. Unless you can actually lay an egg, I'm pretty sure this analogy does not apply.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 9, 2001

    To Each...Umm...Her Own

    I think that Doyle found a great controversial topic to write about. Women understand that this is your partner, an equal. You should not have to 'surrender' yourself to your husband any more than your husband surrenders hiself to you. I wait for the day a man writes such a novel for men and asks him to 'surrender' to his wife.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 10, 2001

    True, if you are completely passive or willing to be miserable.

    I have been struggling with these issues in my 8-year marriage. It became clear to me early on that the author's approach was exactly what my husband wanted from me. My husband has actually said, 'Just let me do it my way.' And often I do. That has meant letting him: wear dirty, wrinkled, mismatched clothing; wear a jogging jacket in sub-freezing weather; burn a hole in the kitchen floor; let the grass grow to 12+ inches high; spend thousands on musical equipment he never uses; and letting him dominate conversations (at social events) to the point that other people turn and abruptly walk away. Those are just a few examples. The author is right in that is it wrong to try to control EVERYthing a husband does. It is easy to fall into that behavior. But I have tried to offer my husband advice at times, and although he often did not want it or like it, I can honestly say that it helped him get a college degree, make more money, save more money, more fully exploit his musical talents and thus gain respect. On rare occasions he will, of his own accord, admit it. Some issues are not worth arguing over, but some are worth causing his disapproval. Personal growth and maturation are usually difficult. I think the author probably knows that if a man actually trusts and respects his wife, he will welcome her input and she will ultimately restrict her input to important issues. But if she wrote a book advocating that point of view, she wouldn't get as much publicity.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 9, 2001

    Are you sure you want this book?

    This book is a major step back in time! As a 32-year old professional male, there's no way I would want a wife who takes on this role...a spouse should truly be one's equal, not a subserviant slave. This book reminds me of something Bob Jones or Rush Limbaugh would write.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 9, 2001

    Warning to Women and Progressive Men Everywhere

    Look out women!! This book, indeed its very concept, is what feminist women and men have been working against for many years. Of course, in being a self-help book about changing women's behavior and not men's, this book relies on the assumption that women need to, and should, change their behavior...while men should stay the same. Instead of asking the real questions about why relationships fail (specifically, 'What is it about marriage that it is unable to handle a controlling woman,' or 'Why do some men and women feel alienated from each other unless they play stereotypical roles,' this book goes back, not forward, to advocating women's unconditional faith, trust and surrender to men. Far from a revolutionary concept! If marriage is so frail it cannot accept women and men as real people, instead of chest-beating, dominating men and doe-eyed, trusting women, we are all in trouble: VERY few people fit so snugly into these stereotypical roles. For example, under this program, if a husband loses his job, a woman is not allowed to be upset...of course, any normal human being (or mammal, or bird or fish) would be naturally afraid for their survival under this circumstance, as, these days, money equals food, shelter and medical care. But, here, instead of acting like a normal person, women are supposed to repress their very legitimate fears, anxiety and (yes) anger to be 'good wives,' that is, totally supportive, loving, trusting, understanding, uncritical, and maybe even bake him a cake for dessert to prove her love!! (Of course, now that he's unemployed, she won't be able to afford to put real eggs in the cake...) In the end, the mark of a truly unremarkable, regressive and anti-feminist book is the approval of the Mars/Venus guru himself, John Gray...which this book has been (honored?) to receive. As a Gender Studies graduate, an equal/civil rights advocate, a feminist and a woman, I would suggest, if you must, read the book (but don't financially support it by buying it!! See if the library has it first!)...criticise its assumptions, advice and implications for both women and men...then throw it in the trash where it belongs.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 4, 2001

    Only Useful If You Want to Lose Your Sense of Self

    While it is never a good idea to nag or demean a person, particularlly, your spouse, giving up your own opinions, ideas, and beliefs is not the way to improve your marriage. It is simply a means of losing your identity. Being a good spouse requires equality and mutual love and respect, not submission. This book is merely a method of surpressing your emotions to avoid conflict. In the world, of modern pyschology its otherwise known as 'bottling up', never a good method of communication.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 7, 2001

    Reality Check . . .

    This is exactly what happens when housewives think they are psychiatrists & start writing books. Why don't we all move to Stepford, Connecticut then everyone's husband would be really happy. Basically, women are suppose to adapt to all their husbands' bad habits, do whatever they tell them to do, never have an opinion, stop having feelings & emotions, think whatever their husbands tell them to think & make absolutely no waves. In other words, be a little pretty, agreeable, quiet, cooperative, mindless puff & everything will be just dandy. This is dangerous advice to give to women. It should go in a far corner of the Fiction section.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 1, 2001

    rehash

    While I am sure this book was written with the best of intentions,it is a complete re- hash of 'The Total Woman', right down to the rose,an old book with the same statements.It wasn't a good idea 30 years ago, and it still isn't .While relationships have taken strides forward,this has set things back 30 years!It suggests that we must be so submissive ,we cease to exist as a person.No enlightened woman needs to resort to this in a marraige.God does not intent for us to be so submitted that we are mindless.We should be inter-dependant,not co-dependant,or even independant.A good marraige is like a good support for the roof of a home,all things working together,but equally important!Marraige shoulden't have to resort to tricks....honesty,open discussion, mutual respect and support, this is what's needed,not subjegation!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 29, 2001

    Read this one with a LARGE grain of salt

    It certainly needs the seasoning! It is an overly simplistic rehash of wifely submission, and substitutes lies and prevarication for controlling mania. I resent the implication that controlling manipulative behavior is a female problem - I hate that behavior from both men and women. I have no quarrel with advice telling people it is wrong to behave that way, but this book endorses a new form of manipulation to replace the old nasty one.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 13, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

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