Customer Reviews for

The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with a Man

Average Rating 3.5
( 61 )
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(14)

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Most Helpful Favorable Review

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

A new and controversial approach to a millenium-old concept.

This is a rather controversial approach in a time when men on television are depicted as bumbling idiots barely capable of crossing the street or constantly playing the role of the antagonist. Overall I liked the book and felt that it gave new light to the age old (a...
This is a rather controversial approach in a time when men on television are depicted as bumbling idiots barely capable of crossing the street or constantly playing the role of the antagonist. Overall I liked the book and felt that it gave new light to the age old (and often misunderstood) biblical principle of submission in marriage. Whether we like it or not, there can only be one head of an organization (marriage, baseball team, etc). Somebody's gotta submit and if you're a Christian, that's the wife. That means the husband is responsible for the health, welfare, and happiness of his wife. That doesn't mean that he's the tyrant screaming 'Where's my chicken pot pie!!' Surrendering, though, is a band-aid in a marriage where the wife is controlling. Controlling women (and men) need a basic course in people skills...Dale Carnegie for instance (Power and Confidence in Dealing with People). So he took the wrong exit on the freeway...big deal!! Turn around!! Is it really worth hurting his feelings over? So he hasn't mowed the lawn in 3 weeks...that is a big deal. Get off your butt and handle your business. So she over-cooked the chicken...big deal. Is it really worth hurting her feelings over? Be grateful that you have a wife that cares enough about you to take the time to cook dinner. If we start prioritizing these issues based on the qualifier 'Is it really worth hurting his/her feelings over?' marriages and relationships will be healed. In first grade, most of us learned to treat people the way we want to be treated. Apparently everyone has forgotten this basic people skill when it comes to their marriage.

posted by Anonymous on January 15, 2001

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Most Helpful Critical Review

4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

I liked the concept, but she doesn't uphold Christian principles

In my efforts to be more submissive as a wife, my husband bought this book for me. I was appalled that this is supposedly written from a Christian perspective. Mrs. Doyle recommends letting your husband use pornography. She apparently hasn't read Jesus's condemnatio...
In my efforts to be more submissive as a wife, my husband bought this book for me. I was appalled that this is supposedly written from a Christian perspective. Mrs. Doyle recommends letting your husband use pornography. She apparently hasn't read Jesus's condemnation of lust, or seen statistics on the horrors of pornography use, nor read about how pornography use in a marriage harms the intimacy and respect. I would not recommend this book to any woman looking for learning about true submission, which involves submitting to a husband who respects you and is faithful only to you, not entertaining thoughts of other women. Very sickening! I'm throwing the book away.

posted by Anonymous on January 18, 2008

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 13, 2002

    Too much surrendering for this wife!

    I saw this book advertised on a talk show, and the host said he didn't like the idea of anyone in a marriage surrendering to anything. However, I did decide to get the book anyway because I knew I was controlling in some issues. The book was a great joy to read at first because it spoke of things like complaining how your husband loads the dishwasher doesn't get you anywhere etc. The more I got into the book, it just seemed to me to say that women need to let their husbands make all the decisions in life to avoid confrontation. The ideas about letting your husband take over certain tasks around the house doesn't work for me either because I am a stay at home mom. When I hear my husband complain about how he doesn't want to do much because he is gone for 12 hours a day it kind of makes it hard to say 'Honey I want you to take over the finances'. Anyway. The book does let women know that all the nagging about pidley things is not worth it. Also the whole phrase 'Whatever you want' just annoyed my husband.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 21, 2001

    A Near Miss

    I'd award this book another half-star if I could, because it is fairly good for what it is. However, the book is narrow in it's appeal and is relentlessly chatty and anecdotal. 'The Surrendered Wife' will be deeply offensive to some, and deeply gratifying to others. Christian women who accept the Pauline doctrine of the submissive wife will find some good ideas about how to live up to that very demanding role, but women who insist on equality and autonomy will reject it. Many men will be thrilled with the idea of women submitting to male authority, but many will not. It is unfortunate that the author seems to think that there are only two kinds of wife (submissive or domineering) and only two kinds of husband (henpecked or masterful); and only one kind of successful marriage. Many women, have found 'intimacy, passion, and peace' with their husbands without submitting to them and without domineering them. My husband and I would both feel that I was shirking my responsibilities as a wife and mother if I said 'whatever you think' as the author suggests, but my friend and neighbor found serenity and joy in her marriage when she 'surrendered' to her husband. In short, if the title offends you, seek advice elsewhere. But if you are not threatened by the idea of deferring to your husband, you will find some solid advice here.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 1, 2001

    'Surrender' a poor choice of words...

    In reading Ms. Doyle's book I was alternately in a state of agreement and in a state of outrage. The most frustrating aspect of the book was the incessant use of the word 'surrender'. If the author's intention is to get women to stop functioning as hyper-controlling individuals, I agree with her 100%. Yet her aim needs to be directed at men as well. No one benefits from a controlling pattern of behavior. However, what does a ceasation of controlling behavior have to do with 'surrendering' to someone else? Her use of Fred and Ginger as an analogy implies that a woman should allow a man to lead her. In fact, those are almost her words verbatim. She goes on to infer that by doing so a woman will find a new sense of self respect. I disagree. I personally feel the most self respect when I am leading MYSELF. Furthermore, I believe that respecting one's self while respecting one's mate is the bastion of a relationship filled with intimacey and connection. The word 'surrender' is inappropriate because it implies (despite the author's muddled and contradicting attempts to clarify) submission, loss of self, and dominance by an opposing force. All of these are harmful images to associate with a relationship that is supposed to be based on MUTUAL trust and MUTUAL respect.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 1, 2001

    why always a woman

    I totally accept that doing what the author said will lead to a happier marriage but why is it that no parent tells his son from childhood that he is equally responsible for a happy marriage but definetely remind the daughter that she is responsible to brake or make a marriage work. I am equally well educated like my husband and though I dont criticize him often to make sure that we arent in the 'war zone' I feel as if i am giving up my selfrespect and that my soul and very existance has no meaning if I cant say what I believe is right. Am I wrong? If I surrender totally wont I be a doormat?

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