Customer Reviews for

The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with a Man

Average Rating 3.5
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Most Helpful Favorable Review

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

A new and controversial approach to a millenium-old concept.

This is a rather controversial approach in a time when men on television are depicted as bumbling idiots barely capable of crossing the street or constantly playing the role of the antagonist. Overall I liked the book and felt that it gave new light to the age old (a...
This is a rather controversial approach in a time when men on television are depicted as bumbling idiots barely capable of crossing the street or constantly playing the role of the antagonist. Overall I liked the book and felt that it gave new light to the age old (and often misunderstood) biblical principle of submission in marriage. Whether we like it or not, there can only be one head of an organization (marriage, baseball team, etc). Somebody's gotta submit and if you're a Christian, that's the wife. That means the husband is responsible for the health, welfare, and happiness of his wife. That doesn't mean that he's the tyrant screaming 'Where's my chicken pot pie!!' Surrendering, though, is a band-aid in a marriage where the wife is controlling. Controlling women (and men) need a basic course in people skills...Dale Carnegie for instance (Power and Confidence in Dealing with People). So he took the wrong exit on the freeway...big deal!! Turn around!! Is it really worth hurting his feelings over? So he hasn't mowed the lawn in 3 weeks...that is a big deal. Get off your butt and handle your business. So she over-cooked the chicken...big deal. Is it really worth hurting her feelings over? Be grateful that you have a wife that cares enough about you to take the time to cook dinner. If we start prioritizing these issues based on the qualifier 'Is it really worth hurting his/her feelings over?' marriages and relationships will be healed. In first grade, most of us learned to treat people the way we want to be treated. Apparently everyone has forgotten this basic people skill when it comes to their marriage.

posted by Anonymous on January 15, 2001

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Most Helpful Critical Review

4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

I liked the concept, but she doesn't uphold Christian principles

In my efforts to be more submissive as a wife, my husband bought this book for me. I was appalled that this is supposedly written from a Christian perspective. Mrs. Doyle recommends letting your husband use pornography. She apparently hasn't read Jesus's condemnatio...
In my efforts to be more submissive as a wife, my husband bought this book for me. I was appalled that this is supposedly written from a Christian perspective. Mrs. Doyle recommends letting your husband use pornography. She apparently hasn't read Jesus's condemnation of lust, or seen statistics on the horrors of pornography use, nor read about how pornography use in a marriage harms the intimacy and respect. I would not recommend this book to any woman looking for learning about true submission, which involves submitting to a husband who respects you and is faithful only to you, not entertaining thoughts of other women. Very sickening! I'm throwing the book away.

posted by Anonymous on January 18, 2008

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 18, 2004

    CRAZY TITLE - BRILLIANT SOLUTION!!

    Wow. I found this book during my darkest days of heartbreak - married 5 years and utterly hopeless that things would change for the better. So when I saw this crazy book I was desperate enough to check into it. After the first few pages the light came on in my mind, and I got so excited as I saw how I participated in creating the frustration, exhaustion, and misery of every day life.*****Now we've CELEBRATED 10 years! I wish I could convey how amazing it is to be passionately in love with a strong, sexy man who knows his own mind and heart, has determination and initiative, and absolutely adores his (very imperfect) wife. Ladies, you can have this too - this is who your man really is inside, if you decide to work on becoming the best you first. This book isn't about some religious gimmick, but I'll venture to say it just might become your Bible for marriage. Enjoy!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 12, 2003

    THANK YOU LAURA

    I read this book more than a year ago and I still have to go back and use it as a reference. This book is EXCELLENT!!! I was raised to be an INDEPENDENT STRONG BLACK WOMAN so when I got married I was an INDEPENDENT STRONG BLACK MARRIED WOMAN. I took charge and control of EVERYTHING which led my husband to be the weak one. The Bible clearly states the woman is the weaker sex. So everything I was raised with was totally against God's Word therefore my marriage was suffering. This book, with God's Will, allowed me to let go! A friend suggested it to me and I have suggested it to another friend whom I saw so much of me in her and her marriage. She just read the first five pages and called me to thank me! Just now I suggested it to two other ladies and I just found out Laura Doyle wrote one for single women. :O YEAH!!! No it wasn't easy to give up so much but it was worth it. I'm less stressed which makes me not only a better wife but a better mother. My husband feels more of the strong one in this marriage, more trusted and more 'manly'...even when he was laid off I didn't take control. My husband is still the head of our household. While so many of our friends are getting divorced...we're getting ready to celebrate our 10th Anniversary. Again, THANK YOU LAURA. I'm not only a surrendered wife but also a HAPPY, STRESS FREE, DEBT FREE SATISFIED wife.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 17, 2003

    Her 'advice' works

    I am a working mother and a feminist and I loved this book. Reading an excellent book is one thing, taking the advice in it, entirely another. I have found that if you are courageous enough to actually DO some of the things (or better yet, ALL of the things) this author suggests, you will see excellent results in terms of an improved marriage and simply feeling better about yourself and reducing your overall stress level. I realize this is a hotly debated book with hotly debated ideas and that the author has no credentials in the area of marriage counseling, child rearing or psychology. I can see her borrowing some ideas from 12-step programs. This is, nevertheless, one of the most helpful books I have ever read on marriage. The only struggle is taking the author's ideas and manifesting them in your own behavior. It takes discipline and it takes courage.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 18, 2002

    My mother is twice divorced--I am not

    I read this book about a year and a half ago, after my husband called me, "controlling." I was shocked that he would think my "strong" personality was so unattractive. Needless to say, after reading the book, my marriage is better than most. I apply all the principals -and find that my husband actually makes better decisions when I don't try to control him. He used to come home from work and sit in front of the t.v. all night ignoring the kids and me. No more! I am no longer "his mother" and now, his loving partner. He does everything for me, (he wants to)and constantly brags about how lucky he is to have me as his wife--now--not then. It isn't about being submissive, and those that think that don't understand the book or don't want to admit they control their husbands. The biggest thing I have learned is to respect your husband, and he will turn the world over for you...Thank you Laura! My three kids will actually have loving parents that stay married. Thank goodness!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 11, 2002

    Havent read it, but intend to real soon.

    i was never a control freak (or so i think) but with both of us working and his hours being much earlier than mine, i found myself carrying much of the load just cause it was easier, faster, or got done period. but something snapped one day. not me! but something in my mind, my heart. i became much more 'girlie' if you will. which made him feel more 'manly'. i let myself become way more open in feelings, expressing, everything. i said what i felt (good or bad), i did what i felt (good or bad) as far as our marriage, our sex life. if you looked at me i would come across a bit conservative, but when i'm with him, alone, he says i'm his dream come true. i feel (and so does he, cause he told me) much more vulnerable being so open and a bit scared too. but it has brought us so much closer than i have ever been with anyone. my love is so deep for him. funny, i feel like i could conquer the world, but also feel 'weak' but in a good way. make your man feel like a man, and he will treat you like a queen. he surprises me with trips. keeps them secret until the day we leave. i in turn do the same for him now. twice a year we get away and forget everything, everyone else. women: let yourself go, emotionally, be completely totally open and on the vulnerable side. you will see a wonderful change in him and you.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 7, 2001

    Excellent insight into modern and traditional love

    This is a very good book. It offers perspective and insight to assist in rocky areas where partners seem to be in conflict, and not communicating well. The text expresses awkward, complicated issues more easily and speaks to certain fundamental difficulties. Some people (male and female) just are not comfortable expressing their relationship-expectations, espicially in these ¿modern times¿ when roles can be confusing. At the very least, this title and Dr. Julianna Slattery's 'Finding the Hero in your Husband' will raise good questions to be considered and discussed openly with your partner. Assuming that one is willing to put forth the effort and commitment to save their love!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 19, 2001

    How many of you naysayers have read this book?

    *sigh* It would seem that many of you that are angry have not read the book and are simply basing your opinion on the title. The saying 'Do not judge a book by it's cover' has been around for a very long time, and yet people continue to do so. This is about letting your spouse have the control over their life that you want over yours. Don't tell them their faults. They may not care about what YOU think is a fault, and very likely don't want to be belittled. Don't nag about their choice of clothing. If they like it, who cares what others think? Don't boss them around. Everyone is an independent citizen, and can make their own decisions. The list goes on and on, but the fact is that these days, more and more, women are being domineering in marriages and not men. While men are frequently culprits in these behaviors, the occurrance of John Doormat is no longer a rarity. To put it differently...when was the last time you naysayers asked your husband's permission to do something, and when was the last time he asked permission to do something? As a side note, this applies equally to men and women, but since the market for self help books is dominated by women, it's pointed to them for obvious reasons. I will say that domineering girlfriends are what ended the three relationships before I met the wonderful lady that is my wife. She is strong and rarely bosses me around. I bet we're married for the rest of our lives. Dennis

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 12, 2001

    Outstanding - - A must read for all women!

    I was feeling down because I knew my marriage was just 'existing' & did not have the spark it once had. So, I wandered into a book store in the self-help section. Lo & behold, 'The Surrendered Wife' was on a display all of itself at the end of an isle, as if it were reaching out to me. I picked it up & said, 'No way, I'm not a surrendered wife - that's like a submissive wife!' So, I proceeded to check out the other books on the shelf only to go back to 'The Surrendered Wife'. I realized that that WAS me. I sat & read a few pages with tears in my eyes. All I can say is, this book is invaluable & I plan on passing this 'new found' knowledge onto a couple of my friends with whom their marriages are in trouble. Not only that, I would love to have a 'Surrendered Circle' started at my home. At last, something that makes all the sense in the world! Thank you, Laura! Tell John thanks for his willingness to 'expose' his private life to the public.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 24, 2001

    It was a gift, in many ways!

    A few weeks ago my husband was watching t.v and I walked in to see this book cover on the television. My husband, under his breath, whispered, 'I should get that for you!' I acted as if I didn't know what he was talking about nor did I ask! A few days later we were walking through the mall and he stopped inside the bookstore...he bought this book without hidding it, he put it in the bag and we walked out. I though he was going to give it to me as a gift. I didn't know what it was about really! He never gave it to me! He had been reading it at home and I still hadn't asked him what it was about! I went into a local bookstore, by myself, sat down and started reading it! Five stars! I can say that I was so flattered that my husband would read this and want to be able to explain what my faults were, or where I was going wrong without sounding like he was insulting me! I love him for that! And you Laura Doyle! Thank you!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 2, 2001

    Be Open-Minded

    To all you close-minded naysayers, why don't you try reading the book in its whole context, then practice it for 3 months then judge it.This book is a very simple science,who's scientist happens to be a housewife.In judging any hypothesis, we must put it to the test several times,you will find like a diet it does work, but as a diet is;its not a miracle cure,but A LIFESTYLE CHANGE,that requires a true surrendering to recieve the true empowerment you will recieve.We use electricity,we drive a car,and we have a stronger marriage,the formula works.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 4, 2001

    A True Survival Guide For All Wives

    It's funny how we as women are conditioned. Most every woman I know can be coined as a 'control freak'. It's such an ugly term, but we bring it on ourselves. I used to tell my husband what to wear, who to be friends with, how to deal with his boss, what to do during his free time, etc. This has taught me that I can only control myself, and by surrendering this innappropriate control, more intimacy builds in my relationship. I'm an easier person to be around. I no longer tell him where to park or how to drive or how to clean the kitchen. In turn, I praise him for the things that he does do right and in turn he strives to be better. No one responds to bossing around or nagging, least of all men. When I ceased this behavior it just cleared everything up. I got the results I wanted, because he got the treatment and respect that he wanted. Surrendering and being indepent can be achieved in the same relationship. You don't have to boss people around to be independent. Laura talks about having outside interests apart from your spouse to nurture yourself. She also encourages 'self-care' in which you take a bath, go get a massage, sit and read, or whatever energizes your soul. Sometimes we look to a spouse or a friend to satisfy these needs for nurturing, when we can find them within ourselves. This lifts the control off once again from our spouse...where it didn't belong in the first place. So many people make the mistake of not accepting responsibilty for their own boundaries in their relationships. No one is responsible for making you happy or fulfilling all your needs. You are. Once you take this burden off other people, they are free to turn around and give love freely, which is the best kind afterall.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 27, 2001

    Open your ears and eyes people

    Laura may use the word surrendered alot, but if you open your ears, eyes and heart and read what she is saying she is not asking anyone to literally surrender. She is not asking women to fall back 30 years. She is well educated and let's not forget a feminist. So I certainly don't believe she is trying to set back anything women have accomplished in the last thirty years. The two biggest changes I have noticed since surrendering or in other words (finding respect for my husband)is a renewed passion, and our five year old suddenly has been respecting his father. He was so used to me constantly nagging and telling his daddy what to do, that he thought that was normal and he should do it to. What a welcome change. I seriously believe that if people would give this book a chance with an open mind, they will see that this is the answer to a better society. It is a simple chain reaction.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 20, 2001

    What a great idea!

    If you really pay attention to what she is saying you will agree. Great book!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 15, 2001

    divorced after 9 years, happy now

    I was brought up by a very strong, independent single mother. I wanted to have the 'perfect' family when I got married. Our perfect love fell apart because I didn't understand how men react from constant 'improvements'. Ladies, just because you know how to do something better than him--don't correct him! Give him that appreciation, trust and total acceptance and I promise you the passion will remain and grow. I'm still the ultra independent business woman now but I know not to point out a guy's weaknesses. I'm sorry folks but I can't help but to think that all these bossy moms over the last 30 years have lead to a lot of wimpy guys in their 20's. Think about it.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 9, 2001

    Some readers may not understand what Laura Doyle has discovered.

    I think Laura Doyle is being misunderstood because she is flaunting an old fashioned ideal, she is not talking about surpressing feelings, but trusting or delegating responsibility. When a child trusts her mother to protect her she is not less of a person. When a wife trusts her husband to protect her interests she is not less of a person either. Actually the best marriages in my experience as a professional counselor are not 50/50% marriages, but 100/100% marriages. Where both partners give 100% to serving the other independently and unconditionally. What most women who do not agree with Doyle are not picking up on though is that in any relationship, partnership, or even a business there ultimately needs to be a chain of command. A two headed beast is a monster and two roosters cannot coexist in the same hen house. The solution that Doyle correctly points out is that harmony can only exist if there's one rooster. In many households it's the wife. The main thing Doyle is saying is that more important than who it is, is the fact that for her and many women she has researched it works out better when the husband is the rooster.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 15, 2001

    Nothing New Under the Sun

    I am amazed that a feminist has stumbled across lost and timeless truth... truth that could still mend some of the rotten fabric of western culture... has put that truth to the test and found it to work, and has found a way to make it palatable to other feminists. I am *profoundly* amazed. If this book is widely received, marriage counselors will be looking for another line of work. If the concept ever takes root in American society (again) most of our (failing) social programs will become obsolete. And I certainly won't lose any sleep over it either.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 4, 2001

    YOU'VE FOUND THE KEY

    I have not read the book yet. Would'nt recommend it to wives but as far as the except is concerned, I believe the author is absolutely right. However, the title of the book should be something else. This relationship is not about who's the winner or loser. There's no battle of equality. There is only a question of how to return intimacy, passion, and peace into a relationship the way it used to be.....

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 2, 2001

    Except for the title, she's 100% right.

    The author is not only very perceptive, but also very courageous, in criticizing certain traits in her own gender. I was amazed by the insights into a certain type of obsessive behavior, fleshed out by real-life examples. As I read the chapter offered on-line, I relived the events that led to my divorcing my own wife. We often hear, in the (post) feminist media, that men are arrogant and domineering. But many women are too. Every woman--and every man--who wants a marriage based on mutual respect and consideration should read this book.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 14, 2001

    This book isn't about submission, subservience, slavery

    Read the book then decide. Despite the title this book doesn't advocate turning control of your life over to your husband. The situation won't apply to all women. Laura Doyle is obviously a woman with a lot of confidence in herself and in her marriage. She is NOT advocating submission to addicts, abusers, perverts or the like. Read the book before you assume that she's trying to set back the clock. She's proposing an alternative that you can accept as valid or not. She is not promoting her views into the political arena so you can quit worrying about any threat to the Equal Protection clause of the Constitution as a result of this book.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 17, 2001

    It really works!

    I bought the orignal book that Laura, the author, was selling on the internet before it was re-published. And I snatched up the new book the first day it was available. I really thought it was just going to be another one of those self-help books that wouldn't work. Boy was I wrong. I am proud to say the I now have the marriage I always dreamed of having. I am proud to say I'm a Surrendered Wife! Did you notice that I constantly say I, I, I. *I* am the one that chose to surrender to my husband, and yes my husband is reaping the benefits, but it was MY idea to change ME, not my husbands idea to change me. In fact, he didn't know for months that I was reading and applying the ideas from this book. I am happier, he is happier, and all because of Laura Doyle. Try it ladies. You can't lose, I guarantee it. Do it for yourself and your husband and your marriage. BUT MAINLY DO IT FOR YOURSELF! Happy surrendering!!!!!

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