Customer Reviews for

The Vampire Survival Guide: How to Fight, and Win, Against the Undead

Average Rating 4
( 9 )
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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 13, 2008

    Timely. Timely indeed.

    So the other day my ex-girlfriend called me (as she is wont to do ¿ no sense of boundaries) and told me she thought she¿d been bitten by a vampire. ¿Just now you¿re telling me this?!¿ All this time I had suspected there was some reason she had tried to suck me dry in every way conceivable. - ¿It just happened, you idiot. What do you think I should do?¿ - ¿I don¿t know. Let me research it and get back to you. You don¿t still have a set of my keys, do you?¿ Being the benevolent soul that I am (and having a highly-developed sense of self-preservation), I trotted down to the Barnes & Noble and asked the information clerk if he had any books on vampires that were not in the Twilight series. He said that something new had just come in: the Vampire Survival Guide. I leafed through the book and scanned the table of contents. There was a section entitled, ¿What to do if You¿re in a Relationship with a Vampire.¿ Close enough. ¿I¿ll take it.¿ Now here¿s my take on it: For someone who has clearly spent considerable time dealing with (i.e. dispensing with) the undead, Mr. Bowen has quite a sense humor about it. As well as a sense of history, politics, psychology, criminology, ethics (of the legal, medical and Aristotelian varieties), pop culture and most importantly: survival tactics. Toss your old Boy Scout Handbook and pick up a copy of the VSG. When the Gathering Doom arrives, you¿re going to need to know how to do more than tie a double half-hitch and recognize poison oak if you¿re going to hang out with me. Obviously such a survival guide should debunk myths about vampires and how vampirism is transmitted, teach you how to recognize vampire traits and tactics and instruct on the proper use of vampire-fighting weaponry. The VSG manages to do all this without once mentioning the Corys. It also gives learned answers to the burning questions: ¿Will blaring classical music scare away vampires like it scares away skater kids at the strip mall?¿, ¿I shot a few vampire in-laws and this has created a really awkward situation with my husband¿s family. How can I fix this?¿, ¿What are my liabilities if I set a vampire trap and my doofus neighbor blunders into it and gets severely injured or dies?¿ I¿m not going to spoil it. Just get your own copy so I don¿t have to protect your lard-a** during the inevitable uprising. I¿m taking a copy to my ex and hoping I can get a couple of my straggling CDs back in return. I just hope I don¿t have to stake her through the heart. But if push comes to shove, I won¿t feel that bad about it. After all, she claims I already stomped on it so I¿ll just be finishing the job. Get this book. The life you save may be your own.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 22, 2012


    This book was badass

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 24, 2012

    Looks cool

    I love vampires so i would read this.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 15, 2011

    Good but

    It did glitch my nook color brand new it went crazy,flipping back pages,wouldn`t turn pages.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 4, 2010

    Highly Recommended

    I got this book as a Halloween gift. I love it! It's so funny. It shipped quickly and came in great condition.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 7, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

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    Posted July 10, 2009

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 30, 2009

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 26, 2008

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