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I Am Not a Cop!: A Novel

I Am Not a Cop!: A Novel

3.9 14
by Richard Belzer

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I Am Not a Cop! 3.9 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 14 reviews.
Scooby-Doo More than 1 year ago
A very entertaining and unique story ; written with an insiders perspective. What Mr.Belzer lacks in writing experience ; he makes up for with the wit and enthusiasm of a lay person playing at detective work. Very entertaining and amusing. I look forward to reading his second book soon.
CardinalRobbins More than 1 year ago
Richard Belzer¿s first foray into fiction, ¿I Am Not a Cop,¿ is a fine blend of Belz as a self-insert, a character in his own tale of his missing friend, Russian thugs, the rock trade, a Ukrainian boxer, martial arts, a very mysterious redhead and a personal assistant named Kalisha (¿Kali¿) Carter ¿ in addition to various other characters, all of whom are memorable and well-developed.

After reading his most famous non-fiction work, ¿UFOs, JFK and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don¿t Have to be Crazy to Believe,¿ as well as his ghost-writing of Ireland¿s previous Secretary of State Mo Mowlam¿s ¿Momentum¿), it was always clear to me the guy knows how to spill his wit by way of the pen. I wondered what was in store for his fiction, especially since his co-author¿s (Michael Black¿s) style is very different from that of The Belz. Their styles meshed from the start, leaving me to wonder where one began and the other ended.

For those of you unfamiliar with the basic plot, it unfolds with Belz meeting a dear friend, Rudy Markovich, over dinner one night. Rudy¿s a troubled man, but he won¿t divulge to Richard exactly why. After a post-prandial brawl with some dangerous Ukrainians, Rudy bids Belz goodnight with the promise to meet him at Madison Square Garden for Alexi Zotkin¿s boxing match. He never shows, which starts Belz unraveling the mystery of his friend¿s disappearance.

Assigned a personal assistant, the intrepid Kali Carter, to `keep him out of trouble¿ after his street brawl made the local rag, he and Carter delve deep into a world of Russian diamond traders and political intrigue, all the while shadowed by sleaze-bag reporter Cyrus Gustafson. Balancing his acting responsibilities on ¿Law & Order: SVU¿ with his investigative skills, he¿s also under the near-constant scrutiny of Vernon Franker, ¿assistant to the assistant¿ on the show. The pressure continues to ratchet upward on Belz as he and Kali are drawn deeper and deeper into palpable danger. All the while, a beautiful Russian redhead interjects herself into the mix, purportedly because of her unique connection to the missing Markovich.

When it seems best for Belz to hire a private investigator to assist in the search for Rudy, things go from dangerous to deadly for both Richard and Kalisha, as Belz contemplates the last time he spoke to his wife and whether or not he¿ll ever hear her voice again. This noir thriller has a most satisfying ¿ and completely credible ¿ conclusion, which will leave you nodding sagely after the fact over the clue carefully planted along the way. As I said earlier, it is certainly one hell of a great ride. It¿s also a quick read at 257 fast-paced pages of prose.

Those of you looking for the `real¿ Belz between the pages won¿t be disappointed. While a reviewer at Publishers Weekly felt there wasn¿t enough of the acerbic actor on display, I can assure you that¿s untrue. While Michael Black imbued the slightly more fictional Belz with exceptional martial arts skills (Black is a member of Chicago¿s thin blue line and a black belt in tae kwon do), there are plenty of the comic¿s smart-ass remarks, asides and pop culture references to make his fans very happy. For those wanting more about the tall, fashionably thin actor, there are tidbits from Belz¿s life and lifestyle scattered throughout, like his near-constant jones for coffee in lieu of sleep
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book was so good, i couldn't put it down.
grumpydan More than 1 year ago
Richard Belzer portrays himself in his novel "I Am Not A Cop" which I thought was a fascinating device. He writes well (there was some witty parts) and it felt like I was there in between film shoots (he plays a cop on TV) watching him try to solve a case he shouldn't have been mingling in. Other than that, it was okay. No real mystery, just a fun read.
Guest More than 1 year ago
When comic Richard Belzer¿s friend, New York City assistant medical examiner Rudy Markovich disappears without a trace, the comic actor becomes concerned especially when his pal fails to meet him at MSG for the heavyweight title fight as they planned. The more he learns of the vanishing, the more worried he becomes. Unable to remain idle, Richard decides to investigate even as he keeps reminding himself that ¿I AM NOT A COP¿ only an actor who has seen many TV corpses in NYC and Baltimore..---------------------------- He understands his experience as a sleuth is based on his role as role as Detective John Munch in Law & Order, but he believes how hard is it for real life to imitate Hollywood. He affirms his belief when Belzer finds a clue that ties four deaths to his case. Meanwhile Belzer¿s producer worries about his actor getting hurt while on the mean streets of New York so Kalisha Carter is assigned to accompany him as he makes inquiries into the four deaths and their ties to Rudy.--------------------- The fun story line rotates action with detective musing as Beltzer investigates the disappearance starting at MSG and continuing on the mean streets of New York. Although Beltzer the literary amateur sleuth is no Munch, fans will appreciate his efforts especially his stand up comic Noir-Lit aside commentary.------------- Harriet Klausner
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hard to put down!
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It was a great fun read. Hopefully, there will be more.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago