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Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
     

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

4.1 21
by Alfie Kohn
 

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Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?"--and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking "What do kids need--and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that question are ideas for working

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Unconditional Parenting 4.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 21 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I am the mother of three young children, ages 4, 2, and 7 months. I am also a reader and have spent a fair amount of time over the past 5 years reading various books on parenting. This is my favorite of all the books I've read, the one that I go back to time and again. I can honestly say that this book has made me a better parent, mainly because it challenged me to really look at my long term goals for my children and my relationship with them. Unlike the previous reviewer, I found that I started out very skeptical of his premise but was doing a lot of head nodding by the end. I have been trying to practice 'unconditional parenting' ever since and have definitely seen my relationship with my children improve and blossom. Also, in response to the other reviewer, I do have three very little kids quite close in age, and I can say that it hasn't lead to chaos but rather to much more peace in our home, and it wasn't some terrible, harsh place to begin with (we used time outs and praise, mostly). This book is very, very different from many, if not most, of the parenting books out there today, and for that reason alone I think parents should read it, if only to get a different perspective on discipline.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I sought out parenting books on unconditional love about a month ago because I intuitively felt that I was becoming a tad too controlling as a well-intentioned mom. I came across this one and at first reading it was like music to my ears albeit a lot of guilt was induced. I vowed to make this my new parenting bible. However as I continued to read, my gut started to question the message. Then, I began frequent head shaking. I knew then that this book had left the world of reality behind and was firmly rooted in a world of idealism that not only does not exist, but is questionably beneficial to children in the first place. A parent can love a child unconditionally and express that sentiment with words and actions and still lovingly discipline that child. In fact I take real issue with the notion that a parent who is in charge, who provides guidelines for behavior, is not what a child not only needs but also craves. I think that there are some real insights in this book that may be even more useful for parents that discipline their child in a hurtful manner (i.e., ridicule, etc.). However, for the loving parent that uses an occasional time-out, or heaven forbid, uses their judgment as a parent to outline acceptable behavior, this book ends up sounding like psycho-babble. One more thing, I couldn't help but notice that the author has two children spaced 4 years apart or so, maybe this is a large denominator in what informs his parenting. In a larger family (4 kiddos) all under 6 years old, the author's parenting style would not only drive the parent's into the loonie bin, but would insure a very chaotic household.
La_Lectora More than 1 year ago
This is such a wonderful book, finally someone that understands that parents need to respect their kids, and they need to be treated with respect just like any other human being. Highly recommended.
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